How to politely decline giving cigarettes to colleague?

[ChangingLivesOneday]

I work with a woman who is otherwise a great colleague and friend in so far as our working relationship goes but over time I've noticed that she asks me a bit too much for a cigarette. On the first few occasions I didn't think much of it and just gave her one if she asked but now I have a sneaking suspicion that she's purposefully asking me my lunch plans so she can tag along and bum a smoke.

I don't smoke during work hours, only during lunch and on the way home. But she'll occasionally come to my desk and ask if I have a cigarette which I invariably do.

I have tried only having 2 cigarettes in the pack, as such when she's asked I've been able to respond saying, "I only have two, one for lunch and one for walk to tube" (not that I should explain that to her but I feel the need to). However, I fear she'll catch on and indeed why should I only carry 2 cigarettes at a time.

I don't mind it occasionally but I can't afford to subsidise her smoking habits. As I said, she's otherwise a great colleague and we do get along but I feel myself being put off because of this smoking issue.

I'm not for the famous MN line of 'No' is a complete sentence so would welcome something a bit more tactful but indeed if the case is that I should just say 'No' then how should I handle it?

Tell her you only bring two or three with you each day for each of your smoke breaks as you are worried that if you carry more you will end up smoking more. That will neatly explain why you only ever have two or three on you that you need for yourself.

Then of course you can have a second pack in your bag should you decide you want more but you don't need her to know that. Eventually she'll get the message and stop asking.

I think this is the thing... If you don't to give her one you don't have to. You don't have to explain.

I forever used to explain myself in these situations but after a very long time i realised I don't have to!

Don't be embarrassed. You can't afford your own smoking let alone hers as well!

Give her one but put those joke exploding things in the end. That'll learn her.

Yes, I like Jemima's response. The problem is, there is a weird smoking etiquette (a bit like rounds in the pub).

I used to have something similar but with stamps. Someone at work kept asking to "borrow" a stamp. I was cool with it but it started happening too often. I found when I switched to second class ones, she turned her nose up. However, this doesn't help you in any way, unless you are prepared to switch to a brand that she hates.

A friend who always bummed fags off another friend used to buy him a pack about once every three weeks.

I understand that it's not as easy as it sounds to say a straight 'no'.
I agree with others, just have two on you and say no every time she asks. Get a nice slim cigarette case to put some others in just in case you go out after work. You could hide that in the pocket of your bag.

Where does this cheek with cigarettes come from? If you want to smoke bring your own fags! You wouldn't turn up at work and sit down next to someone in the staff room and ask for half of their lunch would you? I bet the cost of a packet of crisps and a single fag is about the same these days but you wouldn't ask for any.
You could try that. Next time she asks what time you are going for lunch you could say 'I'm going at 1. Can I have your lunch, I couldn't be arsed to bring my own?'

I don't smoke but can imagine this is really irritating. She reminds me of a character from The Smoking Room (£7 for both series on Amazon if you haven't seen it, it's funny!) who always bums cigarettes from other people because she "doesn't smoke herself".

So she actually has her own with her but she's asking you for one?

When you said 'no' because you only had two, did she have a cigarette at all that lunch time?

JemimaMuddleDuck Thanks for your post and as much as it'll make me go red on the spot I think it's necessary. I'll take this into account come Monday. Gah! I can feel myself already feeling awful! But the facts are the facts. I can't afford to subsidise her smoking.

INeedNewShoes Nope. She's not using this as a tactic to spend more time with me for a bigger purpose. We're in different but complementary teams so she could quite easily go for days if not weeks without contact with me if she chose to.

Worra Like I said upthread, I will try and do that. I've just never been the confrontational sort. I will go red, that much I know, but if I can carry it out for a few weeks then I might just cure the problem. She's a user. If it harms our working relationship then I guess we just have to suck it up. To me it seemed the same as the person that does the tea/coffee round but everyone shares this burden. With this person it's only me that carries the burden (and expense) of smoking.

It's really not hard!

Save your next empty packet.

Each day, put two fags in it. Tuck full packet into the recesses of your bag (in case you go out after work).

Every day when she asks...
"No sorry, I've only got a couple."

That's it! She'll give up asking in the end, and if she makes anything more of it than that then you'll just have to muster some outrage for what a fucking scrounger she is and give her this look with some apposite comment like
"Presumably the reason you don't buy your own fags is because you realise how fucking expensive they are? So please stop touching me up for mine all the time - it's really ruining our friendship. "

ImperialBlether I can't exactly be sure of that. I'd like to think she has her own but then I'd never know as I don't ask her or go rooting through her bag. When she asks me I assume it's because she doesn't have any as then why would she ask. I don't know. But I do know that she does come along to my desk every so often to ask for a smoke.

Just tell her you are on a really tight budget with Christmas and everything so you haven't got any spare as have budgeted for just the ones you smoke.

You really shouldn't have to, but I totally understand how you feel, I don't like confrontation and struggle to say no too.

Do you really think it's rude or confrontational to say no, because it's not.

I'll admit to it being a little bit embarrassing but that it.

Hiding you spare ciggies from her is a bit silly and will drag this out a lot longer.

I really don't see why you feel you have to justify yourself to her, or why it is so hard for you to say "No, I can't afford to subsidise your smoking habit as well as pay for my own", and that this will cause a problem in your working relationship. There is already a problem in your working relationship because you are resenting her using you for free cigarettes.

Just be direct and honest, tell her no and ask her to stop asking you, don't explain or try to justify yourself there is no need.

The next time she asks can you tell her that you have ran out and suggest that you both go to the shop at lunch to buy some? You can buy a new pack, spark up and if she has the brass neck to look at you expectantly, you can act all surprised and ask why she hasn't bought a pack for herself.

Just say dear God woman you're always bumming fags from me tell you what if you buy me a pack tomorrow I'll give you one of them. Be as hardfaced as she is.

Get an e-cig . Tell her you are trying to quit. I'm told they are very effective for getting a nicotine "hit".

I've had work colleagues scrounge lifts; don't mind if it's my way home but I refuse to go out of my way because they want a free ride.

Trust me, it's not that difficult to say "no".

People are surprised at first, but they soon learn to accept it.

"Hi, do you have a ciggie?"

"yes"

"Can I have one?"

"No"

"G'wan"

No"

Keep repeating

Roughly how many have you given her? And how often does she ask?

You could pre-empt the kerfuffle by making a sign and sticking it to your pack of fags which says "Cigarettes £9.50 per pack or 50p each"

Seriously, I have been on the ecig for over a month now. I was a 20 a day smoker and I have never felt better or richer!!!

She actually says "Changing, have you got a cigarette?" I then say yes and proffer one.

She's got you trained :) next time say yes, but don't offer her one.

I've had this. 'Sorry, I only have enough for me.' Over and over. She's mooching.

Easy.

"Oh sorry Hun, I only have enough to last me the night! Maybe you can buy some from that shop over there?"

Or

"No chance, you often ask me for fags and don't pay them back. It's starting to get a bit cheeky."

'The cheap European ones have run out, you know. Weeks ago in fact. These are costing me what it would cost you to buy your own'