How to politely decline giving cigarettes to colleague?

[ChangingLivesOneday]

I work with a woman who is otherwise a great colleague and friend in so far as our working relationship goes but over time I've noticed that she asks me a bit too much for a cigarette. On the first few occasions I didn't think much of it and just gave her one if she asked but now I have a sneaking suspicion that she's purposefully asking me my lunch plans so she can tag along and bum a smoke.

I don't smoke during work hours, only during lunch and on the way home. But she'll occasionally come to my desk and ask if I have a cigarette which I invariably do.

I have tried only having 2 cigarettes in the pack, as such when she's asked I've been able to respond saying, "I only have two, one for lunch and one for walk to tube" (not that I should explain that to her but I feel the need to). However, I fear she'll catch on and indeed why should I only carry 2 cigarettes at a time.

I don't mind it occasionally but I can't afford to subsidise her smoking habits. As I said, she's otherwise a great colleague and we do get along but I feel myself being put off because of this smoking issue.

I'm not for the famous MN line of 'No' is a complete sentence so would welcome something a bit more tactful but indeed if the case is that I should just say 'No' then how should I handle it?

what about saying, after 2 weeks, "you owe me a pack"?

I do think I would just say 'oh sorry, I can't' with a nice smile when she asks. You can't keep sparing a fag so just tell her so. There's no point in excuses etc, in the long term you need to nip this in the bud.

What Worra says. A full pack and a decoy pack. Not that you should have to but if you're not going to speak up for yourself then this is the way to go! Are you worried she'll think you're lying? I wouldn't fret about that - she's a professional ponce and they don't feel things the same way generous people do!

Don't bugger about with decoy packs. Just say something like "You get paid for doing your job, same as I do, so bloody well buy your own".

Well there's your perfect response- tell her that you've run out of the cheap fags from holiday, so you're trying to cut down/only bringing a few into work because they're so expensive.

lorelei9 at this point she owes me a lot more than one pack!

darthvader1 I do intend to quit but at the moment the focus is on just getting her to back off without destroying our working relationship.

BadLad If only! If only I had the gumption to say that! Same with Epilepsyhelp I wish I could muster that sort of response. I just feel I need to prove myself, obviously she won't go rooting through my hand-bag but our line of work means that we'll often be at events and things and I just don't want to ruin the working relationship. I just want her to stop asking.

And whomever had asked, I don't do e-cigs, I've tried a variety but they're just not for me.

Tell her you've quit.

Then do

Maybe she isnt seeing the bigger picture here [generous] and isnt seeing beyond the one cig to see that all those one cigs quickly add up

Arfarfanarf That's what I'd like to think but I suspect it's much more than that as she tends to approach my desk come 1pm to enquire about my lunch plans, and even if I say "Oh, I'm going for lunch in a couple of hours" she offers to wait for me

My god this drives me potty! I'm not a proper smoker anymore-just have occasional ones in the evening and on nights out (very rare!) and I couldn't believe how much a packet of 20 was the other day when I looked-nearly a tenner! People have a bloody cheek-I think etiquette is stealing cigarettes is FINE if it's mutual-same as with my best friends and paying for coffees when out and about. We always pay for each other as we figure it will all even out in the end. I wouldn't be happy if I was paying every single time!

OP "lorelei9 at this point she owes me a lot more than one pack! "

even better. Tell her "you owe me a LOT of these..." next time - I reckon she will either buy her own, buy some for you, or stop asking

Just say 'sorry love, I can't really afford to smoke myself, let alone subsidise someone else'. Or say, 'you haven't got any? AGAIN?' Or 'I haven't got any to spare but they have lots in the shop. Go and get some!'

just say no. Ideally to the reek-sticks, but certainly to the person bumming the drugs off you. Aren't they about a quid each now? Just ask for the money.

if she mucks up your working relationship due to this, it's your boss's problem.

alternatively, just look at her meaningfully next time she asks.

Does she actually ever buy any?

Worra I agree, a definite over-thinking from me, but I don't want to burn my bridges over a cigarette here and there except it's a cigarette everyday
I know it's not what everyone would do but I feel the need to 'justify' why I can't other than just a plain 'No' or some sort of other subterfuge.

I think I'm probably missing the subtle etiquette involved in ciggy situations as have never smoked. Is it considered very bad firm to just tell people you can't just keep giving them fags?

What I was going to suggest though... When she asks you for a fag, tell her you've run out too but say if she's nipping to the shops can she also buy you a pack and you'll give her the money later?

Maybe she's one of those with willpower issues & if she had her own pack she'd smoke a lot more. (I don't really think that but it's a line you could try if you find you can't just say no.)

Ask her why she doesn't buy her own. If she does comes out with that excuse, tell her you're happy to keep her pack in your bag & dole them out one at a time.

You could always ask for a contribution towards the cost of the pack. then do the math break down for her of the individual cost per 1 cigge. then jokingly say you should invoice her for all of them over the years because it would amount to hundreds of £/$ if she continues to ask, just start invoicing. Or take payment in another form like office practical jokes :-)

I have this problem with a close friend who smokes roll ups. She asks for a "proper one" about 3 times a day it's costing a fortune!

Why would you be burning your bridges, by taking a pack with 2 in it and hiding another in your bag, should you want to go out that evening?

I have no idea why you're making something so very simple, into something so very difficult.

carry on as you are - if she suspects anything i doubt she will say

at our smoke shelter theres a few people that were like this, least once a day asking for a spare
i started just going down with the one cig to smoke, they soon got the hint, they were asking loads of people so sounded like they never needed to buy their own cos they were always getting them from other people - now they have their own cos no one will give them out