Bossy Teaching assistant daughter in year 6 forced into social group

[Brighteyes27]

My DD is in year 6 she is bright, creative and lovely natured but she does have dyslexia and struggles a little with literacy. She works hard and attends a large primary school. Her school stream the children for literacy and maths. Anyway she is at the top of the middle set for maths and at the top of the bottom set for literacy. Tonight she came home upset as a bossy teaching assistant (who is there to supposedly support a boy with Aspergers in her class). Told her off for helping a boy with numeracy and she had been asked to do this by the numeracy teacher. She actually said 'I don't think so you shouldn't be helping anyone with anything'. This same teaching assistant took her to one side and told her she had to attend a social group with this other child who has behavioural issues to help this child make friends. This girl is trouble and basically doesn't want to be in school and my daughter doesn't like her. But to make matters worse some of these sessions take place during literacy and numeracy. And she has also been told she has to play with this child most break times and neither her or her best friend are happy about this. Can this be right? Would you be happy about this? Help advice wanted please.

I've got a question. I don't mean to be provocative but genuinely wondering.

Does anyone believe some kids are just naughty?

Obviously all kids display naughty behaviour at some point and I'm sure it is sometimes special needs but is naughty behaviour ever anything that is just naughty? Sometimes I think it's detrimental to nt kids if society just pushes aside naughty behaviour as 'well there may be sn that you haven't considered' as the kids won't then get the discipline they should to encourage better behaviour. Although I appreciate the alternative of treating kids with sn as if they are just being naughty is likely to do more damage.

Again don't mean to be difficult and I have no real experience with sn but this is something I always think to when u hear people say well they could have sn. I'm just not sure I'm ready to believe that there's aren't children who are just naughty. In the same way there are children who are quiet, loud, outgoing etc.

I do think there are some generally naughty chill drenched and in general I don't think it's their fault, at least I think responsibility for their behaviour grows as they grow older until there it is a mix of things like parenting, discipline, sn ( if applicable), life experience, circumstances

I think there are children who are capable of being naughty but the point is that it's a chosen and unusual behaviour for them. I have 2 other NT children who are more than capable of naughtiness but they absolutely respond to the usual ways to motivate and love positive feedback. DS1 is so very very different it's impossible to mistake one for the other, but I say that as I'm familiar with both.

I would still venture that at the very least kids who are exceptionally naughty in school would be doing it for a reason and wouldn't be particularly happy children.

Nanny0gg a social group is not so the 'naughty children' can learn to behave.

Poorly worded on my part.

They are there to show children with behavioural issues (not SEN) that there are other ways of behaving. And maybe by fostering kindness and friendliness it will help them.
It can be quite lonely being 'that' child.

Your DD is entitled to have her needs met just as much as the other child

I work with children with behavioural issues (some of whom are looked after children, some not). All behaviour is communication. I have never, and I mean never, encountered a child whose behaviour is just naughtiness. There is always a reason, whether connected to SEN or family issues or other life experience. Maybe they exist but I've never met one.

Spellcaster thankyou for apologising for the language you used. Clearly it didn't mask your true feelings, because in the paragraph after your fucking worthless apology, you use the phrase "PITA child acting horrid."

So you've substituted one lot of offensive phraseology for another but your point is still the same:

"Acting horrid" = Pain In The Arse kids.

Your disgraceful ignorant views disgust me and clearly you HAVE NOT read "this is my child" or you wouldn't be spouting such nonsense. Shame. Shame on you. You utterly disgust me.

Spellcaster Can you see this?

Franco I think Spell is quoting other posters.

Yes, that's my words she's quoting Franco, not her own. It even has my name above it.

My point about a child being a pain in the ass was that you can't put them with a child who's afraid to stand up to them or set clear boundaries. It's only going to cause resentment from the other child. Also, just because a child has behavioral issues doesn't mean they have special needs. There's plenty of school bullies that don't.

My second point was that if the child does have special needs that are causing this behavior, then the teacher needs to actually work and facilitate these groups so that there is no hard feelings from children on the other end. You can't just say "Timmy has no friends, you have to play with him now". It doesn't work like that, and if OP's DD is coming home feeling upset then there's been a break down in communication that OP needs to address with the teacher.

Spellcaster it's the whole ethos behind your words that was offensive not the "wording'. It wasn't a case of being new and breaking convention but of having a horrible disablist opinion.

Just because other people shared it doesn't mean it wasn't offensive, just that more people had horrible opinions

Feeblest apology I have ever seen.

Senpai yes of course we don't know if the child has SN. But if they are in that group then there's a higher chance than average so probably best not to call them "PITA children" surely.

You and all the people you quoted definitely need to go and read the "This is my child" page Spell.

And I'm sure Franco knows spell was quoting you senpai.

But spells point was that she shared that view with you.

My point about a child being a pain in the ass was that you can't put them with a child who's afraid to stand up to them or set clear boundaries.

But the ability to set clear boundaries is also a social skill. Perhaps, and obviously will depend on the quality of the social skills group, the child who can not stand up to others will be taught the language and approach on how to do this at the group. A lot of posters seem to equate poor social skills with naughtiness and this is not always (possibly often) the case. It is equally about giving the child who is afraid to speak in class the confidence to do so or to teach the submissive child the skills to negotiate and speak up for themselves.

It is a totally different scenario if you are encouraging a vulnerable child to mix with a dominant child in the playground without adult support but in a social skills group with adult support I think it could be of considerable benefit to both.

Exactly. I've found social communication groups very useful for a variety of children, and you can observe the progress in the playground, The language shift is one of the key points. many children with an ASC don't recognise when they are being annoying or controlling with others if nothing is actually said.
Many others don't understand that if they say what the problem is and give a clear instruction, then it can change what's happening. That they can set boundaries.

I would respectfully suggest that you get the full story from the school. I'm sure your DD has explained it as best she can, but may not completely understand what was said/meant. It does sound like you don't like the TA either, so that may be another issue.

OneInEight Right, if that were happening though, I would agree 100%. But it's not, if it was I don't think DD would be coming home upset and frustrated like she is. Ignoring the fact that they are cutting into the extra study time that she needs, they are not facilitating a group that is teaching cooperation, understanding, or strong social skills.

The TA called a book for a Dyslexic child babyish. You really think she's competently leading a good group?

Everybody needs compassion; everybody needs to learn to cultivate it. The teaching assistant may be bossy and heavy-handed but you seem opposed to the idea of your daughter learning to help others or show compassion. If this is acceptable to you, good luck.

Was wondering if you met with the school today?