Bossy Teaching assistant daughter in year 6 forced into social group

[Brighteyes27]

My DD is in year 6 she is bright, creative and lovely natured but she does have dyslexia and struggles a little with literacy. She works hard and attends a large primary school. Her school stream the children for literacy and maths. Anyway she is at the top of the middle set for maths and at the top of the bottom set for literacy. Tonight she came home upset as a bossy teaching assistant (who is there to supposedly support a boy with Aspergers in her class). Told her off for helping a boy with numeracy and she had been asked to do this by the numeracy teacher. She actually said 'I don't think so you shouldn't be helping anyone with anything'. This same teaching assistant took her to one side and told her she had to attend a social group with this other child who has behavioural issues to help this child make friends. This girl is trouble and basically doesn't want to be in school and my daughter doesn't like her. But to make matters worse some of these sessions take place during literacy and numeracy. And she has also been told she has to play with this child most break times and neither her or her best friend are happy about this. Can this be right? Would you be happy about this? Help advice wanted please.

Spellcaster - socially acceptable behaviour = "nice kids"?

Kids needing extra social help = "remedial" support for "difficult kids"???

How fucking insulting and ignorant your post is. You should be ashamed of yourself.

You know, is that what people really think? That children who have behavioural issues are bad? Not nice? The product of bad parents? Really?

Franco I hope not everyone thinks like that.

It's just those that don't don't tend to speak up on MN

Franco the issue here surely is that the OP's DD is dyslexic. Surely it is inappropriate to prioritise the other child's social needs? Whose special need takes priority? but the OP should talk to the school first about what's being proposed to make sure no wires have been crossed.

OP it sounds like the TA is a big part of the problem here - if the school has already moved her sideways once perhaps the HT doesn't have the balls to sort out the problem (or perhaps this TA has a "special relationship" with the head ...). Given the history, I would not hesitate to put your issues in writing to the school.

Have reported spellcasters post as it's one of the most disabilist and offensive posts I've seen in a long time. I'm hoping they'll remove rather than the wishy washy "this is my child" link they usually do. I won't address spellcasters post because it's not my job to educate the ignorant twats in this world.

MNHQ are too light handed on these posts IMO and need to step up and start deleting them. People like spellcaster won't bother their arse to read any links put up by MNHQ and I don't see why such nasty posts should be allowed to stand and upset so many decent posters.

OP at this point I wouldn't be too worried, you haven't spoken with the school yet so don't have the full picture so until you do it's very hard to advise

I agree, cuntycowface. Utterly disgusting. Spellcaster needs a good telling. What a shameful attitude.

We've had reports about a few posts on this thread, and we thought it might be a good time to post a link to our This Is My Child campaign, which aims to support parents of children with additional needs, inform everyone else, and open up a conversation about how we can all act to make life easier for everyone caring for children with additional needs.

I'd speak to her teacher and find out exactly what's going on. But I would also be proud that my child was thought highly enough of to be asked to help this girl.

There was a similar situation at DS'S school and he was the one pulled out of class (french and re... I wouldn't have been so happy if it was maths and lieracy though). Thing is, all the other parents were bitching about this boys bad behaviour and how he should be expelled, but I am friends with his gran and she's told me some of the terrible things he's witnessed at home. I felt so sad for him and I really believe he's not a 'bad' boy, just very angry with the world. If my DS being friends with him helped then I'm happy. I also feel that it was a good learning experience for my DS despite him getting stick off some of the other kids for being friends with the boy. I was proud of how he handled it.

Are the likes of Spellcaster likely to read and ingest that?

Or perhaps more direct feedback?

Oh good an MNHQ limp lettuce approach to disabilist posts yet again

"Because social function isn't as important as maths and literacy???"

OP said her child has a SpLD, and missing literacy would therefore have a disproportional impact. Her child deserves to have her additional needs met too. The school needs to find a way to support the child with social function needs without undermining a key lesson for a child with dyslexia.

It was in response to Miowroar's post that she was astonished that ANY child would miss maths or literacy for a social group.

I am surprised because of the emphasis there is now on results.

bright, creative and lovely natured is how you've described your DD.

So she would be ideal to put in a group with the other little girl (and others) to help the other girl integrate.

It is not forcing her to make friends.

And if schools didn't do this kind of thing then how do the 'naughty' children learn how not to be?

I would just be checking the timing of it.

If you are told you must attend a group session - instead which will negatively impact on your own learning disability - AND you are required to only play with a specific child at break times instead of the child you want to play with ... How is this not forcing a child to make friends?!

While I'm sure it "sometimes" makes a positive impact on all children involved, the OP has explained how in this specific case it will negatively impact on her child's learning. So quoting general studies to apply to this specific situation is ridiculous.

I also question how forcing just one child to play exclusively with another the entire week is beneficial. Surely the school should try to foster a wider circle of friends and have at least 4-5 kids participate in break play? You sure your DD wasn't told she needs to spend 1 break a week playing and not 5x a week?

Nanny0gg a social group is not so the 'naughty children' can learn to behave.

I am presuming that the social group would be a weekly thing. If it were a one-off it wouldn't matter so much what was missed for it, but to miss a core subject (which could impact on your achievements at the end of KS2) seems unreasonable. This would be especially true if, as with the OP's DD, it is an area in which you need additional support anyway.

Schools have to juggle things so that all children have a fair chance.

a child cannot be made responsible for another child's progress or lack of it in any area. The adults who are paid to work with the cc are the ones who must do the work. No-one sends their child to school to be an unpaid TA and made to 'work' with the most difficult cc- or made to be a 'friend' . If with the permission of the parents and the agreement of the child some pairing up or group work is possible-good. Schools seem to have too much power and want to assume even more.

The school is handling this all wrong, if we have the full story. One child with SNs should not miss important lessons to support another child with SNs. Social groups are a good thing but DCs should not miss core subjects, especially not core subjects they are struggling with. In the right setting social groups are beneficial to all who take part as long as no one is forced to join. As I said earlier it isn't usually difficult to find DCs who want to be involved. And others should be encouraged not to be unkind, even if a friendship is not what they want.

One thing that concerns me about "forced friendships" is the message we send to DCs - and to girls in particular. We should be teaching DCs that it is ok to say no to friendships with people who make them feel uncomfortable.

A friend of mine got into a very difficult situation as a young teen because good manners and kindness meant she did not ignore her gut feeling about a somewhat older teenage boy with a hearing disability. He took her kindness as a green light and tried to force himself on her. She blamed herself for the trouble that followed.

Totally agree with children helping each other, learning to be compassionate, etc. But the school needs to step up and do its job. Organise things so the school pays the price, not another child.

WHY should any child miss lessons? If her parents took her out of school for that many hours, they'd probably be fined. Double standards, anyone?

WHY choose a compliant middle-set child? As Op asked, why not choose a child from the top set? Who presumably is better able to catch up on the missed classwork.

WHY should this child's own friendships be threatened by the school's inability to help another student? If op's DD is forced to spend 4 break periods out of 5 with the other child, how long until her best friend finds a new friendship? It's a fickle, often insecure age.

WHY was the poor boy moved to a different class because the school can't manage his TA? How does this TA get off telling a child their book is babyish (whether or not she understands dyslexia) or contradicting the teacher's instructions to help the boy with maths??

WHY don't they adjust a teacher's schedule to run lunchtime sessions - thaose don't interfere with lessons or breaks - like the example above, which was so well handled that other children asked to join.

Obvioualy schools need to juggle so every child gets a chance - but the juggling should come from the school, not at the expense of other children.

Op, obviously you don't want to go in all guns blazing, but I'm fuming on your behalf. I suspect DD and friend are accurate about what the TA told her - I'm only hoping the TA was wrong, as she doesn't sound very competent. Good luck on Tuesday!

I have nothing against children helping children. But if SN child is difficult than the other children need to be told they're allowed to set boundaries. You can't put them with kids who don't know how to do that.

Example: SN kid hits. You need to put him/her with children who are comfortable saying "Hey, don't hit me!" and then letting it go. Not kids who will impulsively hit back. Not kids who say nothing and put up with it because they're suppose to be "friends" and "nice" to this child.

That's the problem I think the OP is having. Her DD is too timid to set boundaries on this child, which for whatever reason is difficult to be around for the other children. The TA needs to be there to facilitate these groups so that they can step in and help problem solve so there's no resentment or hard feelings from any of the kids.

My son NEEDS your children to help him grow socially. It's not a nice-to-have, and it might be that your child is asked to play with mine. Take it as the compliment that it is

This might sound odd and I'm trying to word it the best way I can.

I don't think your son needs the other children as much as the other children need him and others like him.

One of my kids whose currently a year 12. Cannot leave the house without a third party. He has a type of autism that means no matter what happens no matter how much support/therapy/social skills training you chuck at him he will not improve not even a little bit.nobody at all is at risk from him but he is significantly at risk from others.

Perhaps if more children were taught acceptance his life would be a lot less difficult

Needs, I agree about more children being taught acceptance, your son - and many others - lives would be a lot less difficult

Two of my DGC attend a mainstream primary that has set-aside places for two severely SN children in each year group (plus inclusion support staff etc). This benefits all the children. Obviously.

Very different from the ineffective arrangements described by this Op - a school who seem incapable of reining in an ignorant, trouble-making TA, to the degree that she had to be moved to a different class (along with the poor boy she 'supports').

A school who've failed to provide noticeable help for this 'difficult' girl until year 6! And are now organising it in a way guaranteed to backfire.

The school sounds as useful as a chocolate teapot. That's the issue here. This isn't about whether NT children should attend social classes. This is about a school doing its friggin job - for ALL the children.