Bossy Teaching assistant daughter in year 6 forced into social group

[Brighteyes27]

My DD is in year 6 she is bright, creative and lovely natured but she does have dyslexia and struggles a little with literacy. She works hard and attends a large primary school. Her school stream the children for literacy and maths. Anyway she is at the top of the middle set for maths and at the top of the bottom set for literacy. Tonight she came home upset as a bossy teaching assistant (who is there to supposedly support a boy with Aspergers in her class). Told her off for helping a boy with numeracy and she had been asked to do this by the numeracy teacher. She actually said 'I don't think so you shouldn't be helping anyone with anything'. This same teaching assistant took her to one side and told her she had to attend a social group with this other child who has behavioural issues to help this child make friends. This girl is trouble and basically doesn't want to be in school and my daughter doesn't like her. But to make matters worse some of these sessions take place during literacy and numeracy. And she has also been told she has to play with this child most break times and neither her or her best friend are happy about this. Can this be right? Would you be happy about this? Help advice wanted please.

OneInEight what a lovely post.

I can't understand why the OP's daughter is going to have to miss literacy to attend these sessions. I think the OP should make sure that this is what is planned and say she's not happy, if that's the case. The priority for this DC should be progressing in literacy.

Social groups should take place at playtime, surely. And no child should be forced to attend, that's counterproductive. In my experience there were usually more than enough DCs willing to attend, without trying to force reluctant ones.

Thanks all. I am in work all day Monday. But I will contact the teacher on Monday and ask for an appointment on Tuesday. I think the upsetting thing is my daughters good nature is being exploited here. There are many more 'popular' 'in' girls that could have been chosen and many girls who much more academic, immaculately dressed top set girls that could have been chosen as role models but no doubt these girls would speak their mind and be too uncooperative to attend a social group with this child. She isn't new to the school all the kids have tried with her and encouraged her to behave better over the years so once again the whole class don't loose privileges because of her behaviour. The class teacher will be late 40's early 50's. The boy with special needs who this TA supports was removed from a previous class and moved into DD's class at the end of year 4 not because of his behaviour but as parents from the other class had so many problems with the TA interfering. The boy she supports is lovely and my daughter often opts to actively include him.

Sorry but I have real issue with treating behavioural issues as naughtiness (see the "This is my child" link I posted), parent blaming for behavioural issues, and including kids with SN only if they are "lovely". Has to be said.

However your child shouldn't suffer either as a result of attending the social group so it should be managed better by the school.

If it's a social group for kids with behavioural issues (and no way can you decide they are or aren't caused by SN unless you know. .see the myth I linked to) then the kids are not going to BE easy and lovely at first. That's the whole point of it.

But it needs to be managed well.

The school obviously needs to do its best for every child?

Not sure where the question mark came from there.

And before people say "some kids are just little shits"..seen it all before..yes some are.

But some might have behavioural issues and not be, even if their parent struggles to discipline them. Some issues make discipline either much harder or different.

Please..read the myth page I linked to.

I wish you all the best for your DD. She also deserves to be happy. The school could manage this better.

Brighteyes, you do not know if this girl has sn or not.

I don't see the relevance of sn in this context, personally. A child is clearly struggling socially, the reason isn't really relevent. Tbh op I really doubt your dd is being picked on by a cynical school. I'd imagine that the teachers have picked friendly kid who can keep an eye out and talk to the struggling child. They might be asked to include but no one is going to police this. I really doubt that the teachers took into account academic ability when deciding who to ask. I'd also suggest that if this is a social 'group' then it's unlikely to be just your dd who has been asked. And tbh I'd think that your dd is going to learn a lesson about kindness to others, inclusivity etc. obviously if the child picks on her or is mean she shouldn't continue, but unless that happens I'd keep an open mind about what your dd is being asked to do and back up the school. IMO the only thing you need to worry about is whether she is being removed from classes, as this is clearly not on. But I doubt that is the case, and if it is it is easily amended by you insisting she stays in class. Wrt the ta who got the wrong end of the stick in class, I really don't think that it is worth pursuing this. People make mistakes, especially teachers and tas doing a hard job.

The relevance is people blaming the parents and the general attitude to the child here.

Very relevant.

Since you talk of kindness and inclusivity

I just mean that it's not at all relevant to the op or her dd.

I think it is. As the OP and her DD might be more willing to be inclusive if they didn't think of the child as a naughty brat with no boundaries at home.

Although I agree it still should be managed to ensure no suffering to OP''s DD either way.

But yes if you agree it's everyone for themselves then the issues the other child has are of course not relevant to the OP's DD.

Hmm well I suppose I'm coming from a place where I don't think of children as 'naughty brats'.

I don't either.

But the OP said as much in first post and lots of people have spoken of "PITA" children, which seems very unfair.

No fanjo, I'm saying the opposite, that a young child deserves support no matter what the source of her problems.

www.mumsnet.com/campaigns/this-is-my-child-myth-1-behavioural-disorders-are-just-bad-behaviour

Anyway don't want to be accused of derailing thread so I will just link to this again and leave it at that.

Sounds like the ta is over extending her remit.

Mello I totally agree with your last post.

But unfortunately on MN people don't usually see it like that and think like OP herself said "why should my child pay the price for some child having no discipline at home".

So the child could suffer from the misconception.

Even though I agree that all kids should get support. It doesn't happen.

The boy was moved into another class because the TA that supports him was interferring in the other class? Um, why didn't the school get a new TA? Do they approve of this TA's interference? Is the TA employed by the school - Sorry, I don't understand how these things work, could she be imposed from outside somehow?

Anyway if the OP doesn't want her child to be in social group she should just say no anyway. It's her prerogative. But sad if everyone said no because they thought the child was just the product of "feckless parents" .

It's not to do with "trumping".

But sadly no one will want to be in the group with a child who is challenging. So their behaviour won't change. Hopefully someone will agree to help out to ensure better behaviour in long run.

I know it's not easy