A mean spirited surprise

[Barfuckinghumbug]

Right long time lurker, fully prepared to be told AIBU. Bit of long one but dont want to drip feed. DH works away mon-fri, washing machine has been playing up for a couple of weeks , this week decides to pack up completely, anyway DH comes home tonight , I have a bit if a moan about said washing machine and DH shows me a washing machine he's purchased online coming on sunday, was going to be surprise but he said I was obviously getting stressed about it so he'll tell me now. All good, please bear with me, it is relevant.

We then eat dinner had a chat as we always do on a Friday night, I asked about his work christmas party, he told me what date, it happens to be my birthday. He tells me what they're doing very mater of factly like its any other day, so I plaster on a fake smile thinking i'll be alone on my birthday evening ( no family near by and i'm alone during the week so can't go out with friends) please don't get me wrong if he wasn't able to come home early that's one of those things, i'm well aware he works away and may not be able to get the day off, but he seemed quite blasé about it, like oh well never mind just another day, then he walks out of the kitchen asking if I'd like to come and sit down, I don't, so say i need to tidy up, he then comes back into the kitchen , ask me if I'm okay and do i have the hump, i then say its upsetting as I'll be alone on my birthday, when last year he came home for my birthday and made a point of telling me he'd never let me spend my birthday evening alone so clearly the same didn't apply this year.

Anyhow I now come to my AIBU point, he then tells me I've ruined the surprise and I also ruined the washing machine surprise, he's not going to the christmas party he is coming home on my birthday but me"moaning" has meant he's had to tell me . I think both are shit surprises, why is letting me think I'm going to the launderette next week better than don't worry, new machine coming Sunday and why on earth is letting someone think they will be alone on their birthday evening worth the eventual surprise of taa- daa i'm hereon the night.

So AIBU, we are now not speaking.

To everyone breezily declaiming that they'd go out with friends on their birthday if they were in in the OP's situation - the OP clearly states she has no family nearby and is on her own through the week so can't go out with friends.

He's been a nob OP. YANBU.

Have a lovely birthday, OP. Glad it's all sorted!

X post.

I'd be telling my dh to go and enjoy his works Christmas party and we'd celebrate my birthday the next day. Cant believe a grown woman would be upset not having her dh at home on their birthday when he's got an unmovable event.

If it were a grey import Miele, that would be a nice surprise.

You might want to read the thread.

They are shit surprises. I think the works night out surprise ta-daa was a last minute save the day decision when he saw you were upset (he'd forgotten it was your birthday - my dh does this too. Last year, when he'd arranged to go off doing something and said "I forgot it was your birthday", I reminded him that it was the same date every year. He did remember this year).

I think buying a washing machine was a nice idea, but my brother replaced mine a few years ago. It was a lovely surprise, but, a) I had no part in choosing it, b) the drum is far too small so I can't wash duvets in it and the dry cleaner has closed and the nearest is now 20 miles away and I don't drive, c) it takes an hour and half to do a quick wash etc etc. I'd much rather have the old one

A unilateral decision by the person who uses an important piece of household equipment the least is often a hiding to nothing. I understand your upset.

Try to be nice about it though, as I think the washing machine thing was meant to be nice, but I hope he realises that large pieces of equipment like that need to be joint decisions, and you don't experience this again.

yanbu op. your h's behaviour is worrying me. feels like disguised abuse.

Good news, OP.

Hopefully he will have learnt his lesson.

Christ on a bike. Have a brief scan of a thread at least before replying. It takes all of 2 minutes, if that.

Bar Glad he realised he was being a dick and you're happy with his apology. Good to get things sorted. I hope you have a really nice birthday.

amarmai You'll be saying LTB next.

we have mind readers on Mn now?