To tell DD she can pay for her own activities from now on?

[BerylStreep]

She is 10. I am fed up with paying for activities that she becomes bored with. Over the years we have had Brownies, Tennis lessons, Ballet, and now gymnastics - each time she tries it for a bit then gets bored, or finds it too difficult, partly because she doesn't go to most of the lessons.

So WIBU to tell DD that she must pay for any new activities she wants to take up? I have already told her that she needs to pay for any lesson that she doesn't attend.

She has lots of money that she has saved, and plenty of opportunity to earn money at home doing chores.

I don't drag my child to activities, but if she wants to give something up because it's not floating her boat any more, she knows she's going until the term finishes.

We're discussing possibly dropping something/changing days just now because she's enjoying some things more than others. The decision is hers, but she'll still go to classes until end of term. There's no argument there - the classes are paid for, she's got a commitment.

For those of you who say you force their kids how do you know as a child or an adult whether you'll like something new until you've tried it?

Would you as an adult stick with a hobby you disliked and found boring after trying it or write it off as a one off?!

I once did a mosaics summer school which I loved, 2 weeks long and went to evening classes after work which I enjoyed. Then I tried a stained glass class which I thought I'd enjoy as it was similar - I didn't enjoy it as much and after almost spearing myself in the foot with a shard of glass I left halfway through the first term. I decided to do salsa classes on the same night instead and wrote off the stained glass remainder of the fees. Do I think I'm flakey for doing that?! hell no!

Books - I enjoy reading and a wide variety and sometimes read or try to read new authors with a mixture of success. Say I give up on one book I tried to read recently as it "wasn't my taste" does that make me flakey or not?! Of course not.

Also best to be good and enjoy a handful of activities rather than not so good at and not enjoy much a lot of activities!

So keep if your child really dislikes one activity yet you've "paid for it" she'll go to the end of term come hell or high water simply because you've paid for it and want her to stick it out?! Tiger mom much?!

Most activities allow for a trial week or 2. That's when you decide whether you like something. Not the same as flaking on an activity you've committed to. If I try something and decide to commit to it then I stick with it until a reasonable time to quit (eg a term end)

Not finishing a book? Not possible completely book mad and lit grad so I've had to read books I wouldn't have chosen or enjoyed as one to read for pleasure, but still got something out of them and several I've absolutely loved even though I wouldn't have chosen them.

I do that, too, SuperFlyHigh. It takes a few visits to really figure out something isn't your thing. A term's worth of classes is usually ten, first four- all new, enthusiasm, another couple, realising not fun. That leaves 4, so yes, they will be honoured.

Happened twice, one was duly dropped, the other is a much loved hobby now since the fun increased with increasing ability.

I've never been called a Tiger Mum before! It's not too much to expect a child to persevere at an activity which they chose for a term. My DS picked up and dropped a multitude of activities, usually just after I'd had to buy the kit. My DD rarely drops anything, just adds more, unfortunately. As I said in PP, we're negotiating at the moment and she's deciding what is going.

Can't you go to a taster session first?

Most stuff comes with a taster, the won't go ideas come after 4-6 weeks I find.

I thought activities were supposed to be fun? What's the point in pushing? I would hate it if someone was forcing me to attend a hobby class I didn't want to go to.

I have one child who does 18 hours of extra curricular activities a week, and my other none. Both situations are fine with me.

Well after this thread I put my foot down tonight and said she is going to gymnastics tonight. Massive strop (in which she decided to tell DS (8) that the tooth fairy wasn't real ) and then stomped upstairs. 10 minutes before the class I told her there was time to change her mind, and she did.

She went to the class, and said she loved it. This was the last session of 10 classes, although it was a different class to the usual one. She said she enjoyed this particular session more as it was different instructors, and was keen to sign up for another 10 weeks. Now she is prevaricating and saying she isn't sure if she wants to sign up for another course. I'm tempted to ask if there are enough places free to allow her to even sign up for another 2 sessions. It's hard to know what to do.

DS isn't much better. He started a sport and was told by the coach that his natural ability was amazing, and that he had clear potential to progress to a national standard or beyond. He stopped because it was too hard .

Sorry but my 5 and 8 year old both understand that if they agree to start an after school activity they stick at it until the end of the term. You can't go though life just dropping out of things because they are boring, hard, or not what you expected. Nothing wrong in changing her mind at the end of the term and trying something new but she needs to show some commitment.

Two of mine do approx 18 hours a week too (dance and gymnastics). Occasionally one of them will say they're thinking about quitting the gym part, and she has taken very seriously but asked to give it some thinking time first in order to be sure, perhaps until the end of a month. She has always decided then to stay, but in the meantime they don't miss classes except in cases of illness.

Yes, if you don't like something you should be able to give it up and find something better suited, but you need to give it a proper try first. I've found. particularly in dance, that those newcomers who are always skipping classes or late will always drop out sooner or later and I do wonder why they bother at all as it wastes the teachers/class time.

You need to make her! Or could you make her pay for the term, then refund her the weekly cost every time she goes? (If you are keen to go down the money route anyway!)

That sounds quite good (strop excluded) and a chance for her to reflect on whether or not she wants to commit to a further X weeks. Given her behaviour this term, if she continues she needs to behave better next time if it's not as enjoyable as she hoped!

Agree . DD1 seems an introvert and is in after school care: she wants peace and doesn't want to do extra structured stuff. She might like a musical instrument but practice is impossible because of being in after school care . DD2 is an extravert, loves clubs and stuff and would party on afterwards if she could! but again options limited by childcare.

"Tiger mom much "

Arf and

he stopped because it was too hard am a little bit saddened to read that. What was the sport? Surely you just put him in the car and take him to whatever it is all kids have a moan and whinge from time to time, you just ignore it

I think you need to toughen up op you are the parent the kids aren't old enough to be given the option of stopping. If after the term you have paid for they have consistently said they didn't enjoy it then fair enough don't rebook but otherwise just take them!

It was archery. He said he found it too painful on his arms and shoulders.

It's a shame, because he was really good, and his coach was amazingly supportive. There is still time for him to go back to it I suppose.

Archery is a funny sport IMO because there is no adrenaline rush/endorphin release to make you feel chuffed, whereas with something more 'active' just doing it makes you feel good even if you don't win, iyswim.

I reeeeally want to do archery (not at all relevant sorry!)

I do wonder if a lot of the kids here being described as having to be dragged kicking and screaming to activities they previously wanted to do are actually just very introverted. If that's the case, having to go out and take part in another group activity when you're already worn out from interacting all day at school is a genuinely very unappealing prospect.

Interesting point - my DCs only do lots of activities now that they are home ed; when they were at school they were too wrung out to do much else, so they only ever did one (or nothing) at a time. DS is definitely an introvert like me, and DD while very social does get overwhelmed very easily (think she might have AS like me)

Unfortunately not all classes have free trials. Recently DS (6) asked to do dancing, and I found a local class. Emailed the teacher, and was told I needed to pay for the rest of the term - before the first lesson. Thankfully I found another one specifically for ballroom, and he did a free trial. Turned out he wasn't really up for it (so extra glad we didn't pay £25ish for him!) but DD (8) wanted to do it, so she had a free trial the next week - amazingly they are giving her private lessons for a fiver (30min) until new year ish, when she will know enough basic steps to join the group (so at least partly avoiding the "I can't do it as well as everyone else" disheartening feeling). I've still told her that she's not getting the shoes (a big factor in her wanting to do it!) until she's been going for quite a while. Thankfully they have a box of shoes that they can try. I love how accommodating they are - very different to some other groups. I remember looking into ballet when DD was a toddler, and left a message with the dance school asking for information about classes. They sent me an invoice and a bill for the required clothing. Fuck that!

He said he found it too painful on his arms and shoulders.

Of course it did. Because he is using muscles in ways he's hasn't before for longer periods.

I do think you need to toughen up op

Good grief. He had to build his muscles up! You're letting them BOTH take this attitude?

Reading with interest as my DS is wanting to stop various activities and I'm wondering what to do.

But he's 5 so maybe I'm expecting him to have resilience and commitment too early? I think there's a lot more upset if he's going home first before the activity, and introversion may well be a thing with him. He loves having friends but finds it all very draining, rather than gaining energy from those around him...