Over invitation to non-existent party

[Booboostwo]

As I dropped DD (4yo) to preschool today her best friend gave her a party invite (undoubtedly a party invite as it said 'party' on the outside and X invites Y on the inside, where the best friend had meticulously written her own and DD's names). So I read it all out to DD and she was thrilled (she's only ever had one other party invite from school and that was a year ago). She gave her best friend a big hug, said thank you and wanted to hold onto the invite all day long.

The invitation didn't mention a day or time which I assumed was because a 4yo had filled it in so joked with best friend's mum about it who turned around and said 'Oh no, there is no party, her birthday is in July'. Turns out best friend wanted to give out an invite but there is no party and her mum let her.

Isn't that a shitty thing to do to a 4yo? DD will not only remember this, she will obsess over when she will be able to go to this party.

If you are bringing up your children to be devastated at such little things in life you are failing them miserably because when they face actual issues in their lives they will not be equipped to deal with them

Totally agree with you wannabe 100%, can't believe some of these reponses.

I thought your story was funny, hope the other children have recovered from their disappointment 35 years on

It's a pretend invite to a pretend party.

The solution is simple, you pretend wrap a pretend present and pretend attend pretend party.

It is a pity that getting an invitation to a party was a rare novelty and felt such a big deal for your daughter and you that the pretend invitation resulted in real disappointment.

But I don't think that anyone meant for that to happen. Mother and daughter just were playing, not meaning to trick you. I don't think they were being more than a smidgen thoughtless and even then fairly forgivably, as they would have to had to foreseen both that you not realising it was a game, and then having hurt feelings rather than just laughing at the miscommunication.

I'm sorry that your daughter was confused and hurt. But really this girl was saying that if she could have a party soon she'd like your daughter to be there, she was being kind and friendly.

It's early days yet, I'm sure there will be so many genuine invitations over the next few years that this disappointment will soon be surpassed by fun party memories.

Please swallow your embarrassment at not having realised it was pretend and invite the girl round for an 'unbirthday' tea party. She was being friendly, that's a good thing.

I think wannaBe's story is hilarious. I would still think it was hilarious if it happened yesterday. Or, in fact, it was my son who had turned up to a non-existent party.

Because, you know, other people's kids being disappointed doesn't really feature on my shitometer. Or my own kids disappointment really. They are always experiencing disappointment. When I tell them they can't watch another episode of Mickey Mouse clubhouse, when I tell them it's time for bed, when I tell them they can't have that lolly because it's dinner time. All of it, disappointment.

It's amazing how some people make it to adulthood without crumbling under the weight of disappointment...

This is definitely one of the weirder MN threads I've read. I don't understand how this is any more upsetting than the 100 upsetting things that happen to a 4 year old in a day.

Excellent posts by wannabe and strokethefurrywall

Spot on. Smile cheerily, say 'never mind!' and carry on.

We would all do much better if we were to dance through life lightly. Clod-hopping doesn't work nearly so well.

WannaBe, I think that's very funny. for the poor kids who were disappointed 35 years ago. (Whisper: it's only pretend, but one day there will be a machine which makes pictures real and then, ah! then.....)

Yeah I have to say that I'm on the sick in the head bench too, because I also think that children need to learn to deal with disappointment.

My 5 year old DS came out of school a few days ago, very excitedly, telling me that he and several other children had been invited to a sleepover at one of the girls' houses. Of course I immediately knew it was not a serious invite because which adult in their right mind invites a bunch of kids they've never met to their house for a sleepover. I explained to my DS that sometimes children really want to have a party or a sleepover so they make it up and he wouldn't be going to her house for a sleepover. He went - "Aw well! Can I watch Endangered Specied when I get home!" Clearly devastated and will never get over it!!!

I do get the op's wee girl must have been a bit disappointed but the level of angst which some people claim it would have caused is surely OTT.

My own dd is just turned 3. Recently I told her we were going to a Halloween party. The schedule was all a bit tight so I had to race home, dress her in the street (just a frock over clothes) then we raced up the road with her giddily chattering about games and cake and BALLOONS.

As I got closer to the hall it slowly dawned on me that I had got the wrong night. There was no party.

I was fully expecting dd to lose it. It was 5:45 on a Friday night after a long week and she was expecting a party.

I told her I had made a mistake and got the wrong night. We wouldn't be going be next night either as we had other plans. So no party at all. Her response was "never mind. Let's just go home and watch the tv"

She coped. I don't think she has been harmed by it. It was a genuine mistake by me and she survived it.

These things happen.

I'll join you on the sick-head bench.
Got to see the funny side. Kids get over these things. It's not like it was doe on purpose.

Good news, DD has forgotten all about the party! I won't be reminding her

I don't think it's funny when children are upset but I can still see the funny side of situations like this.

When my DD2 was 6, she came home from school in floods of tears because she had had an argument with 'Lucy' and was no longer invited to " 'Lucy's' special birthday party in the Disney Castle in America". On further probing it turned out this little girl 'Lucy' had been telling all the other girls that her parents had hired a plane to take them to Disney land and they were going to stay in the Disney Castle and have a weekend pass to the Disney parks before flying home in this private plane and ... going to McDonalds for tea on the way home! I did have the heart to feel sorry for my DD as I told her that this party had never existed but I have to say I struggled to keep a straight face.

I think the mum of the little girl in the OP should have said this was a game straight away though - and certainly invited your daughter for a party tea when she saw how excited she was.

Phew op! I would have been pretty anxious as well (as I was standing outside of non-party) but I am glad she has quickly moved on.

I would have purchased some diversionary haribo I reckon