Over invitation to non-existent party

[Booboostwo]

As I dropped DD (4yo) to preschool today her best friend gave her a party invite (undoubtedly a party invite as it said 'party' on the outside and X invites Y on the inside, where the best friend had meticulously written her own and DD's names). So I read it all out to DD and she was thrilled (she's only ever had one other party invite from school and that was a year ago). She gave her best friend a big hug, said thank you and wanted to hold onto the invite all day long.

The invitation didn't mention a day or time which I assumed was because a 4yo had filled it in so joked with best friend's mum about it who turned around and said 'Oh no, there is no party, her birthday is in July'. Turns out best friend wanted to give out an invite but there is no party and her mum let her.

Isn't that a shitty thing to do to a 4yo? DD will not only remember this, she will obsess over when she will be able to go to this party.

Oh for god's sake, a little girl was playing and there was no harm intended from her or her mum!

My niece used to be obsessed with writing birthday cards to people. My friend's daughter used to wrap empty boxes up in wrapping paper and give 'gifts' to all and sundry.

If you just explain to your dd it was just playing and sort a play date all is well in the world. Jeez.

but let's put this in context then shall we? At the time his little brother was going through chemo for cancer. Three years previous his little sister had died of a serious heart condition. But do carry on about the trauma the poor little darlings would have suffered at not going to an actual party 35 years on, because that is actual upset isn't it. yes. I think it is amusing 35 years on. Friends of his who were invited, life-long friends think it was amusing 35 years on. If you are bringing up your children to be devastated at such little things in life you are failing them miserably because when they face actual issues in their lives they will not be equipped to deal with them. So yes, get a fucking grip, and I don't swear often on here.

Why is it an amusing anecdote because it happened a long time ago, but would be horrifying if it happened to your kids today?

The kids would have felt exactly the same dejection then as similar kids would now.
Obviously the kids in question should be well over it by now (!), but you still think it's funny. What makes it funny?

as soon as i see childs writing and nothing apart from my daughter name and friends name i would have thought it was the child pretending. and i would have told my daughter its not a real party and that her friend was playing pretend.

I truly cannot believe what I'm reading here - Honest to God it is baffling.

Wannabe's related experience wasn't "all a joke". This wasn't a cruel, malicious, bullying thing that happened that forever damaged a little flowerchild.

Kids being "gutted" . This is utterly ridiculous.

Do you think children should never experience any negative emotion then? Dejection, disappointment, dread, guilt, anger?

At what age does it become appropriate for a child to have these emotions and learn how to deal with them?

I don't think it would be horrifying if it happened to my dc actually. I would be mortified if I were the parent of the dc doing the inviting, but if I turned up to a non existant party with dc and it turned out it was some kind of game and the parents were oblivious I would laugh it off with the parents and say to my dc "ha ha x was a bit naughty inviting friends to his house without telling his mummy and daddy, let's go to pizza hut for lunch shall we?" And I would commiserate with the parents in the playground on the Monday because they would probably be mortified and feel judged by the likes of some of the people on this thread.

Really, sending out a fake party invite isn't the worst that can happen. We have threads on here of children being bullied, excluded, seriouslly emotionally harmed by their peers and people are getting up in arms about a fake party invite. there is a serious lack of perspective on mn of late.

Floggingmolly What wannabe's DN did wasn't a malicious act thought. It was a sneaky thing an 8 yearly did to get a party. No adults were involved. There isn't really anywhere to project anger and blame. It's fine to be a bit ffs about it but no one was picked on, no one was excluded, no one was hurt.

I know that. I just find sniggering about the kids showing up is a bit juvenile

Someone is flogging a dead horse here.

Kids should be able to get over disappointments and embarrassments without it ruining their lives, or we as parents are seriously fucking up!

Wannabe I think it's hilarious

Joins you on the sick in the head bench.

no it really isn't. Even at the time I can't imagine that most people would be horrified or angry but would be more "OMG if it were my child I would be mortified," but I wouldn't be indulging any devastation on my child's part they would just be told calmly that the party wouldn't be happening and we'd be on our merry way.

It's worth bearing in mind that parties do get cancelled, you know, for illness and so on and for other reasons, and I don't imagine that whenever that happens there is a trail of devastated children to console.

Budge up I'm plonking my fat arse down on the sickos bench too...

My 8 year old dd invited a boy for a sleep over.

He was excited. He also survived when I told him there was no sleep over.

Life is full of disappointments, best learn to deal with the little ones as a kid before you get to the big adult ones.

We have cake on the sicko bench!

DD is nearly 6 and I've never come across this kind of thing before. I dunno, I think if I knew DD was doing this (and it's fairly likely that I would) I think I would ask her how she would feel getting an invite to a party that wasn't real.

I think someone's reaction to this depends very much in their own childhood experience. DH was one of a big family where you learnt not to take yourself seriously. I was a pretty sensitive child who struggled socially a lot. He would laugh this off. I would probably be a bit and .

It's not a big deal in the grander scheme of things. The other mum was a bit weird though.

I'm guessing those that think this party invite thing is cruel have children who have been hurt over party invite exclusions, rescindings etc..

Perhaps this thread has dragged up those feelings however in this case it was a silly play invite that was handed over. An "imaginary" party and the only person really upset is an adult. Maybe understandable but not proportionate in this case.

when my ds was little we had some of that hideous play food which was velcroed together and you could slice, a pizza, vegetables, etc, and one of those things was a birthday cake with candles you stuck in the top. Surely that is ample proof that children do play at birthdays and the like?

One more for the 'sick in the head' brigade. I wasn't going to join but then I remembered that my brother and I recently had a giggle about the time he tiptoed downstairs on Christmas morning and opened all the presents. Funny now - I howled at the time mind you.

If this is the worst thing that ever happens to the OP's dd then her childhood will be truly blessed.

Space for one more on that bench?

(My son told his mates we were taking them all to watch Grand Prix for the birthday treat and they'd get a go at driving. They were fine with Pizza Hut though)

I'll join you on wannabe's bench. I see the funny side of her story

Yes it's the type of thing a four year old might do. But not the type of thing an adult would think was OK. The Mum sounds a complete idiot to have encouraged the child who did this. The four year old isn't to blame because it's not her fault she has a mother devoid of common sense and oblivious to other people's feelings.