To be quite fucking upset about a weight comment my DM made

[Hairyfairybumscary]

Back story, for as long as I can remember I've been told by various family members that I need to 'watch my weight'. My earliest memory of this weight obsession was when I was 4, I can pin point anything anybody actually said I just remember that I always felt 'fat'.

Looking back at photos from my childhood, it is clear to me now that I wasn't fat in anyway shape or form, I was just a normal child. However, by the time I realised this I had spiralled into habits of comfort eating every time my mum obsessed or nagged over my none existent weight problem. I can't ever remember feeling particularly confident - I still don't.

I can't ever remember being care free as a child and felt as though I always had my mums disapproving eye on me as I was growing up. She has never had a problem with her weight.

I lost weight when I was 17 and kept the weight off until I had my DD in 2013, so I managed to keep it off for 4 years. I had my DD and suffered with PND and it piled on.

My mum nags and nags and nags at me 'oh I hate to mention it but it scares me to death.' It scares me to death too but I'm stuck in this awful cycle of not wanting to go out for fear of seeing someone I know. I realise people with talk about my weight gain. I can see the shock in their faces when they set eyes on me and I hate it.
I feel as though my mum is embarrassed to be seen with me because of my size and it's not a particularly nice feeling but I've always felt that way.

The other day she was helping me un peg my washing from outside and she started giggling to herself. I asked what was so funny and she said that 'your jeans say 'skinny' on the label but size a size 18 isn't skinny at all.'

I thought it was quite a bitchy, nasty comment if I'm honest, completely needless. She then went on to explain that he had shown her friend some photos that she had taken of myself and DD recently,
She said 'oh [name removed by MNHQ] hardly recognised you, you must've really ballooned since she saw you last.'

I'm not blaming her for the way I am but there is no escaping the fact that the criticism of my weight is all I've were really known. I've never felt as though I'm worth much and never felt particularly good enough. I'm actually getting quite upset as I'm writing this. I could've been so different. I shy away from social situations so much so my DD is starting to miss out. I just feel as though people will be commenting on my weight and I feel disgusted with myself for letting it get this bad but I'm so down.

It's awful to have to deal with that.

My Mum and Granddad used to always comment on my weight, yet then tell me to eat the food on the massive plate that they would serve me. They are both 'feeders' and both massively overweight.

After 15 years of being a 16/18 I finally had the time and inclination to lose weight and I am now being complained at because I lost too much (I'm not I'm a healthy weight).

When I was a 16/18 I also comfort ate. My weight gain was originally divorce/depression related. Then it's damn hard to get it off.

Its interesting the idea that slim=beautiful. I am slim and distinctly average looking .

In relation to the weight you should be as long as you're healthy it doesn't matter. 69kg, 76 kg the difference is hardly going to send anyone to early death. I mean obviously being very obese is bad for you but I don't actually buy that the overweight range is bad. normal used to go up to 27 bmi anyway didnt it?

How can a mother be so hurtful to her own daughter, someone she is meant to love and protect.

I had an aunt who was fattist in the extreme. When she told dd who was FOUR at the time she was getting chubby (she wasn't) I took her aside and told her she was NEVER EVER to discuss weight in my daughter's hearing again or she would not be invited to any more family events. She has so far complied - dd is now 25.

In relation to the weight you should be as long as you're healthy it doesn't matter. 69kg, 76 kg the difference is hardly going to send anyone to early death.

I would agree, however I find it interesting that nurses seem to have a certain number fixed in their heads of what I should be, without taking into consideration how stressful it would be for me to get it, or taking into consideration my lifestyle.

I was just wondering if the other poster (whose username I've forgotten Oops!) had had different advice.

Purely just me being curious. Given my own mothers comments about my weight I have a hard time figuring out where "healthy" is for me.

Don't know if this is helpful to add or not - but I've had the same growing up (although, interestingly enough, from my dad). And I still struggle with weight in middle age - and I wear a size 8 (I'm not tall, so I'm not skinny but - as my DH constantly points out - am definitely not fat). It's awful and it's constant, because food is a daily and ongoing thing. I think the other posters are right - call her out on it. And keep calling her out on it. How would she feel if you did it about her age? "Oh mum, it scares me to death to see you getting so old - you look like an old lady"; "I showed someone a picture of you mum and they said you'd seen better days" etc etc. It's just not on.

Hi The FitFatty

I had one of those medicals where they measure fat / muscle percentage and it turns out that I have a lot of muscle for a woman my height. The 76 kilos was actually communicated as 12 stone - I'd originally thought I should have been lighter but they said that if I kept my muscle, 12 stone would be okay.

Always remember, most people are not nearly as critical of you as your mother is.

When I was six my mum told me I was fat. When I was seven I started to develop and she hauled me off to the GP who sent me to a dietician. From that point on I was denied any treats ever. She missed one crucial thing: I was completely sedentary. I was desperate to do dance/gymnastics but when I asked she said I was "too fat and uncoordinated". So I was never allowed. She made a point of buying me the most awful clothes because she couldn't find anything "in my size".

Thing is, I was never fat. A bit chunkier than average maybe, but not fat. I got very skinny at university and two children later I'm not skinny but I'm not fat. Dm still thinks I am.

I have no self esteem. In my early 20s I was always convinced that any man who found me attractive must be some sort of sex-obssessed pervert; that my grotesque size rendered me hideous.

Oh OP. I know how it feels. I can't believe the photos of me as a teenager - I was a slim pretty girl. DM used to point out how my classmates were so much slimmer than me. I had a friend over after school once and we were making toast, DM came into the kitchen and said " can get away with eating that, you can't." I still remember the humiliation. She has snatched food from my hand before. Like a previous poster I do believe that slimmer women are better people than I am.

Interesting CruCru, the nurse said I had quite a lot of muscle as well and was listed in the athletic category, but then she said "but your BMI is still to high, you should lose 4 more kilos" (Although I was 71 and a healthy BMI for me would be 70). I just looked at her like .

Honestly, I think being pressured about your weight your entire life really messes up your idea of what a healthy body looks and feels like.

Another one here. Both parents, but my mother was worse.

I was looking at photos yesterday with my OH of my graduation. I was really slim, yet my mother thought I was overweight. She - and OH pointed this out, I'd not really noticed this before - had a cat's bum face in every single photo and was skeletal. Her idea of a slap up meal was two boiled onions.

Yes, I think about four kilos shouldn't make enough of a difference to justify making a point of it.

I think the advice to me was that if I got down to 12 stone, my weight would not be of any medical concern. Meh. I can run for 25 minutes without stopping so I am making the effort.

Well I'm an 18 and proud (as was a 20!). Just ignore your mum's present or past comments. You first need to love your body as it is, before you can chose to try and lose weight. And if you try to lose weight it must be for you, not to please anyone else. Or you could learn to love the size you are, 18 is not that unhealthy.

It's not your mum's business.