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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go to work when the baby is unwell

75 replies

Blarblarblar · 22/11/2015 08:08

DC2 has just turned 1. He has a burst eardrum, lots of puss etc poor wee thing was in a lot of distress.
He started antibiotics yesterday. Seems in fine form today I'm alternating paracetamol and ibuprofen (as advised)
Doctor said I should keep him off nursery for next couple of days ( he's not contagious) but I have some really important meetings and I'll really let people down if I don't go in.
AIBU to put him to nursery and go to work? I'm pretty sure I know how this will go (awful mother that I am)

OP posts:

Cerseirys · 22/11/2015 08:09

Can your partner or a family member look after him?

Sirzy · 22/11/2015 08:11

You either need to find someone else to look after him at home or take a couple of days off work to look after him.

Hope he feels better soon

guiltynetter · 22/11/2015 08:11

why are you making the thread if you already are sure of what people will say? are you hoping for a couple of answers that will say 'yeah let him go in, it's fine, he won't need his mum' and then you can feel better about it?

sometimes being a mother is more important than work.

Elvish · 22/11/2015 08:11

If he's not contagious and isn't in pain then I'd put him in nursery and go to work. AFAIK ear infections are more painful before they pop, then the pressure is gone and so is the pain.

You are not a bad mum for going to work, having a job where people rely on you, bringing home wages etc etc.

If he's not well enough I himself to go to nursery could his dad look after him whilst you work?

PurpleDaisies · 22/11/2015 08:12

I don't think you're unreasonable to leave him with someone but will nursery take him if he's on medication? Is he up to being in nursery?

Is there anyone who could look after him at home for you? It sounds like you need a back up plan for times like this.

BlueJug · 22/11/2015 08:13

You are not an awful mother. You have to make a decision. It depends on whether your boy will be fine and looked after at nursery or if he really needs you. It also depends on your responsibilities at work and the money involved.

I have left sick children when I would have rather been with them but as long as they are ok then if you have to work, you have to work.

Do what you feel is best for him - and if it won't help him for you to be there then leave him in good hands.

Hope he gets better soon.

sandgrown · 22/11/2015 08:14

Can dad have or one of his grandparents who can give him lots of attention if he needs it ?

gBean · 22/11/2015 08:17

I'd try to sort someone to look after him. He will still need the meds at regular times. It's hard to juggle sometimes.

As others have said - dad, grandparents or someone who knows him well.

Womaloosh · 22/11/2015 08:18

Unfortunately some employers aren't very understanding, but as the doctor has recommended he stays off nursery, is there any way at all you could manage? Do they have emergency child care in your area? Could you dial/ Skype for the meeting?

I hope you manage to find a happy solution .

Original poster

Blarblarblar · 22/11/2015 08:18

I have no one else that can step in.
DH did it two weeks ago when he was sent home with a fever and neither of us want to take the piss with our very understanding employers.
Nursery will give him his meds and are very kind and cuddly but I see what I can do I suppose.

OP posts:

Womaloosh · 22/11/2015 08:19

That should be 'dial in'

Original poster

Blarblarblar · 22/11/2015 08:21

I work with some very vulnerable people and it takes so long to build trust I hate to let them down.

OP posts:

FishWithABicycle · 22/11/2015 08:22

Dr has said keep off nursery so don't send him to nursery but that doesn't mean you have to take time off. Find another solution so you can do the work you need to and don't feel guilty for a moment. Having a solid well paid career where you haven't been labelled unreliable will be more beneficial to your son in the long run than being cuddled by you when he's poorly.

First option is DS father if he is in the picture. Failing that, grandparents and other relatives. Failing that, paid emergency childcare (expensive but worth it)

A poorly child shouldn't be in nursery even if it isn't infectious.

IrisVillarca · 22/11/2015 08:25

If you trust the nursery to give him the meds and extra attention then he should be ok. It's not ideal, but sometimes it has to be done. Perhaps try and rearrange some meetings so you can get away early?

icklekid · 22/11/2015 08:26

I'm currently facing similar dilemma although not ear infection similar in that it is non contagious -viral rash that looks really nasty. I need to be in work however currently I'm hoping I can go in the morning get what needs to be done sorted and then work from home/pick ds up if need be. He loves his childminder but he's been pretty miserable this weekend so wouldn't be much fun for her if he's still bad tomorrow.

Casmama · 22/11/2015 08:27

For me it would depend how much he likes nursery normally and how long it will take to get to him if they decide he needs to go home. Also, if you have the more important workday than your dh then he should be considering staying off regardless of having done it two weeks ago

bimandbam · 22/11/2015 08:28

Could you try taking him to nursery with the condition that they call you if he needs you? And explain to work when you get there he isn't well and you might have to leave.

It's so difficult sometimes to know what to do. My dd was in hospital for a week when she was 2. So I had a fortnight off. Then the Sunday night before our first Monday back I noticed chicken pox spots in her hairline. I had to call in every family favour I had so I could get into work. I managed to do until 1.30pm each day.

Lweji · 22/11/2015 08:30

I don't think it should matter how long ago your DH took time off. If the child is sick, then they they are sick. It's a matter of deciding which one of you can stay home on that particular day.
I wouldn't send a baby who needs meds, and can suddenly get worse, to nursery.

milkandmarmite · 22/11/2015 08:33

Emergency nanny? I've had to do that a number of times when I just couldn't miss a work day... Didn't really make sense financially but sometimes, its doing what needs to be done..

BrandNewAndImproved · 22/11/2015 08:37

If the nursery is a nice warm cuddly nursery that will let him snuggle up with a blanket somewhere I'd send him in. I know private nurseries take ill but not contagious dc and look after them.

Bohemond · 22/11/2015 08:39

Surely he would be better at nursery where he knows people and they know him than an emergency nanny/random babysitter!

BrianButterfield · 22/11/2015 08:43

My nursery would take DC in that situation and give lots of cuddles, with the proviso that I was on the end of the phone if needed. You wouldn't have a 1yo in nursery if you didn't need to work, would you?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/11/2015 08:45

The only issue is that nursery can be load places ( as they should with kids playing)

With a burst eardrum everything sound very load, I know I have a lot of trouble with my ear and when it pops everything sounds very load.

vestandknickers · 22/11/2015 08:47

Well since you've asked....Yes, I think you should stay home. You're his Mum and that should come before work. I think children should know their parents are always there when they need them. Sorry.

knaffedoff · 22/11/2015 08:47

You work with vulnerable people who you don't like to let down..... you have a child who is unwell and whilst at times may seem ok, may at other times need 1-2-1 attention from someone who loves him....

Which one is most important?

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