To be fed up about DH's hobby dominating the whole weekend, every weekend?

[Strawberryade]

DH does a hobby all day every Saturday from about 8am until 5 or 6pm. Which I think is bad enough but I am getting sick of it because it dominates the whole weekend.

Obviously he is out all day Saturday so we can never do anything as a family, or I can never do anything by myself on Saturdays. When he gets home he is tired and therefore just plonks himself in the chair watching TV, opts out of parenting and dozes off by 8pm. On a Saturday night. Great.

Then on Sundays he is always 'tired' too so just lays around, never wants to do anything, won't do any chores. I end up feeling like a single parent!

I can't just go off on a Sunday and do my own thing as he won't step up and do things with the DC or even make them a sandwich for lunch. He just sits there and moans about being tired from Saturday.

To clarify, it's a fairly physical hobby but not very physical and involves lots of periods of sitting down during the day as well as being active.

I have tried to speak to him about it but he doesn't see the problem. AIBU?

They are 6 & 9, BestZebbie

The hobby isn't the main problem, it's just a symptom of him opting out of family life and thinking you'll pick up the slack. It speaks volumes that he sees Sunday as a day for him to recover from his hobby, not for him to spend time with the DC because you had them alone all Saturday to enable him to take part in his hobby! When do you get a break?! It's worrying that you are afraid to leave the DC alone with him and do your own thing on Sunday because you think he will ignore basic care, like feeding them! At their age, surely he can cope with that and has done it before? It comes across like he thinks childcare is your responsibility and he can opt out when he wants. He is a parent, he has responsibilities, and the only reason he can do a hobby that takes up every weekend without worrying about childcare is because you take care of them. It sounds like he's taking you for granted, time to tell him the arrangement doesn't work for you any more.

ohbehave1 He doesn't bring home any money from it. All money made gets put back into the bands or the Promotion name to put on bigger gigs and paying for practice rooms and recording studios and travel for tours etc. I suppose with sailing or horse riding etc it would cost a lot so at least we aren't funding it as a family. And we get some free festival tickets too. But that is my distinction between a hobby and work. If you don't get paid, it's a hobby or voluntary work IMO.

Shemozzle - just wondered, as some guys I know get a small amount out of being in the band they are in - it then becomes blurred between a hobby or a job. A Jobby perhaps

He's being a cunt, OP.

Do you really need people to tell you that?

Book a weekend away/arrange to stay with friends, Friday night to Sunday night. Tell him in advance. Piss off on the dot on Friday night and leave him to it.

His response to this will tell you a lot about him and the state of the marriage.

Arsehole alert. Yy to what onlylovers says. Piss off on the very dot for the weekend or the day and leave him to it. And do that regularly. He'll learn.

But what is the point of being married to someone where you have to just piss off and leave them to it? Surely op wants some family time, all together, as well as time to herself.

ohbehave1 unfortunately he's mostly in the anarcho/diy punk scene, haha. So no profit really. He has been in bands that get paid a fair amount per gig and the bigger o2 type venues but all the money went on constant touring, round Europe and USA and producing cd's etc. he knows he could make a living if he started a covers band that played the pub scenes (unfortunately, that's where the money is) but he says it would depress him playing other people's over played songs every night to people who don't care about original music. I totally agree with that point of view, but sometimes I wish he'd get over it .

Haydee, the OP says he 'won't' step up and engage with the children or do anything with the family, which strongly suggests that she has tried to discuss family time with him to no avail, maybe many times.

This man seems to have had the opportunity to step up but isn't, and is continuing to behave so selfishly and thoughtlessly that shock tactics are needed, IMO.

I know but it seems a shame. It was a veering towards ltb post, but I suppose op might rather try the shock tactics.