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Original poster

Competitive Christmas thriftiness on MN

383 replies

Imchangingmyname · 20/11/2015 19:39

Just something I've noticed over the last few weeks on MN.

There seems to be a lot of competitive comments regarding how little you can spend on your kids. Let's be honest here, stuff costs. Whether that's plastic tat for the baby or an iPad for the teenager but mostly: Kids. Expect. Presents. At. Christmas. Don't they?

There's far too much of 'you spend £100 at Christmas!!??? I spend max £10 on little Jimmy and that's more than enough. I also throw in some chestnuts and a clementine on top of that'

Or 'mine is happy with our certificate for adopting a donkey for a year'

Really??! I think the commercialisation of Christmas has gone too far, granted but most kids I know would be upset if they didn't have at least a few presents to open on the day. I've noticed it's mainly from those who have the budget but refuse to spend to..somehow appear holier than thou??

OP posts:
cleaty · 20/11/2015 20:56

U2 - they buy stuff throughout the year for the teen, so the £50 is just for top up silly presents.

CleverPlansAndSecretTricks · 20/11/2015 20:56

After about the presents and treats all year vs only at Christmas. It may also be that the lower income families put a more accurate figure on their spending. If you are wealthy then you don't need to bother keeping track and so may not think you spent much. "Ooo £100 I would never spend that!" But you've just never needed to add it all up.

UnlikelyPilgramage · 20/11/2015 20:57

No - I just don't really understand cleaty - or how you deduced that from my message!

If for whatever reason you have very little money, but your child still needs toys, clothes and whatever else - why would it be necessary to buy them all on one day?

Let's say one family have an income which is significantly below average but want to buy their teenager daughter a laptop, GHD hair straighteners, some clothes and some stocking fillers (makeup, toiletries, books etc.)

Then another family have an income which is above average and buy their daughter clothes and shoes throughout the year as well as makeup and so on.

Surely if anything it would make financial sense for the lower income family to spread the costs a little? Your argument seems to be that the lower income family have to spend everything at Christmas as unlike their middle class counterparts their children won't get gifts throughout the year? Obviously I may have misunderstood - sorry if I have, it's been a loooong week yawn!

manicinsomniac · 20/11/2015 20:57

I don't know, I think it's just about personal choice.

I spend a ton of money at Christmas but my children get very little in the way of presents. Christmas Day itself they only get their stocking and 1 inexpensive present from me (they get plenty from other people!). But around Christmas I spend a huge amount taking them to lots of theatre shows, ice skating, Christmassy days out, extra dance classes, meals out with family and friends etc.

For us personally experiences are more worth spending our money on than presents. Nothing wrong with that. And nothing wrong with spending your money on expensive toys either. Just choice.

Enjolrass · 20/11/2015 20:57

Aren't we all trying to be the best parents we can be? So yes, obviously, I think my way is better than your way. That's why it's my way. Applies to everything. If I thought your way was better I'd do it that way.

What? No...I think my way is better.... For me. I don't feel smug about people who do things completely different to me. That's best for them.

It's not the doing things differently it's the smugness.

CleverPlansAndSecretTricks · 20/11/2015 20:57

Not after...agree!

cleaty · 20/11/2015 21:01

manicinsomniac - So if you have teens, when do they get a phone, laptop or tablet, computer games?

Unlikely - Because having one day when as a teenager you don't feel you are loosing out, and you feel that you are getting a lot of what you want, matters.

UnlikelyPilgramage · 20/11/2015 21:03

But if that is tempered by 'losing out' as you put it throughout the year then it makes little difference.

What seems to be being said here is that children will get similar amounts but that middle class children might get the laptop they want in April, the phone they want in July and the clothes they need at varying points in the year. Meanwhile, their less affluent peers will get similar but open them all on one day.

inlawsareasses · 20/11/2015 21:06

We spend loads at Xmas and birthdays, however we don't spend much through the rest of the year. The kids don't get toys randomly and their nicest clothes are generally bought at Xmas easter birthday.

I think people lie a lot and it seems to be trendy on here to be frugal, whilst hiring a nanny and employing a babysitter from an agency Grin

Enjolrass · 20/11/2015 21:07

Unlikely - Because having one day when as a teenager you don't feel you are loosing out, and you feel that you are getting a lot of what you want, matters.

totally agree with this!

My mum was a LP and saved to buy us stuff at Christmas so there was at least one time of year we didn't feel we were missing out yet again. We didn't go without during the year. But now I am an adult I can see she did.

It may not make sense. But when you are piss poor it can become important.

My mum would have never have bragged about how much she spent though either

seasidesally · 20/11/2015 21:07

well my 3 will get about £350 each worth from me,im on benefits and dont owe anybody a penny,and i dont give a monkeys what people spend on their children Smile

LaurieMarlow · 20/11/2015 21:08

Unlikely, it might make rational sense but what you are forgetting is that humans dont behave rationally in general and perhaps particularly when it comes to money.

What you are overlooking are the cultural associations around Christmas and what it means to people. For many, splashing out is part of the whole ethos and integral to it.

Enjolrass · 20/11/2015 21:08

Sorry that should be 'I didn't notice we missed out' we obviously did miss out because we were piss poor.

UnlikelyPilgramage · 20/11/2015 21:09

I'm a lone parent too Enjol Smile I can understand some of the reasoning, although I do feel so much goes over the top and I do hate the boasting I hear in my school in the run up to Christmas but then I am a most classy Mumsnetter Wink and find it crass!

cleaty · 20/11/2015 21:10

No middle class children still get more. Most poorer children will not get all of that in one day.

But if you spread it though the year the poorer teenage daughter might get a laptop in July, a few clothes for her birthday, and then a small stocking at xmas - maybe £15-£20 spent on it. That feels a lot less special than having lots one day.

I don't think you understand how it feels as a teenager to constantly have less than some other teenagers.

And I seriously doubt most middle class parents only spend £15 to £20 on a teenager at Christmas, and I include in that tickets for shows.

Badders123 · 20/11/2015 21:11

Yeah.
I've noticed this on mn too.
"You spent what!? I found little jimmys present in a skip under a dead Fox!"
It's tiresome.
As is bragging about how much you have spent.

cleaty · 20/11/2015 21:13

Also some children only have what their parents buy for them at Christmas. Easy to be frugal if you have generous relatives buying lots of presents.

Enjolrass · 20/11/2015 21:13

I find it crass too Grin

Some years I spend a lot, some years not much. I never discuss it. The only people who know what the kids got are people who visit Christmas Day...so mum.

Christmas was always over the top in our house. But it made mum feel normal. But as I said she wouldn't brag.

All my clothes were part of Christmas and birthday presents too. Rarely got anything at other times.

It made mum feel better, we got things that other kids did. Everyone was happy and that's what it's really about.

The point is I also don't like people bragging about how they are better people because they don't spend much either. That's crass too.

UnlikelyPilgramage · 20/11/2015 21:13

I do cleaty. Don't assume. It isn't pleasant.

I do feel that the pressure to spend money at Christmas can be hugely damaging. I had a Y9 girl tell me today that her mum is buying her a £600 laptop for Christmas: lovely, except said student has been wearing plimsolls for weeks on end, and the weather is terrible.

I understand why it happens, but it doesn't mean I have to agree with it. I hate the commercialisation and the boasting and the pressure to spend more and more and more money you just don't have.

seasidesally · 20/11/2015 21:13

"You spent what!? I found little jimmys present in a skip under a dead Fox!" Smile

steppemum · 20/11/2015 21:14

I live in a area where lots of people have very little money, where they struggle to pay bills etc.

These very same parents are spending masses on their kids at Christmas. Less than £200 per child would seem to be stingy. How do they do it? Pay day loans, credit, etc etc. They spend the next 6 months struggling with money to pay it back.

For that reason I get very cross over the over commercialisation of Christmas. Without the over hype, most of these kids would be delighted with much, much less. It makes me sad that the families will struggle with heating and food bills, because of money spent over Christmas.

We can't afford to spend £200 on our kids. But more than that, even if I could I wouldn't, because it feels like the whole wrong emphasis. It isn't about the biggest present, it is about receiving something nice. Why is it so bad to think a child should/could be happy with a nice gift which costs £50?

I find the whole ipad present culture eyewatering.

But in the end every family should buy to their budget and not go into debt for Christmas

cleaty · 20/11/2015 21:15

I said that unlikely because you didn't seem to understand how important it can be to have at least one day when you felt you were not losing out.

UnlikelyPilgramage · 20/11/2015 21:16

Yes, I work in a similar area, steppe

Christmas is undoubtedly prioritised over housing costs, heating, adequate clothing and other necessities. I do understand why to a point, and I'm not pointing the finger and thundering judgement on individuals. It just angers me that Christmas is synonymous with spending a fortune when it really shouldn't be.

manicinsomniac · 20/11/2015 21:17

manicinsomniac - So if you have teens, when do they get a phone, laptop or tablet, computer games?

Only one of my children is a teen (or at least she's 12 but she'll be a teenager next week - aargh!)

She doesn't need to have many of those things. I got her a phone last year but it wasn't a present because it wasn't a treat, just something she needed when she started being more independent. She can use my laptop if she wants to and has never asked for a computer game. They're just not her interests and I can't see them being her younger sisters' either.
If they were, then she'd have to choose between having them and getting as many trips out.

cleaty · 20/11/2015 21:18

I would see phone as a present. And tickets for shows, especially for teenagers, would often be a present. Your children may be getting a lot of things that you don't count as presents, but others give to their children as Christmas presents.