Competitive Christmas thriftiness on MN

[Imchangingmyname]

Just something I've noticed over the last few weeks on MN.

There seems to be a lot of competitive comments regarding how little you can spend on your kids. Let's be honest here, stuff costs. Whether that's plastic tat for the baby or an iPad for the teenager but mostly: Kids. Expect. Presents. At. Christmas. Don't they?

There's far too much of 'you spend £100 at Christmas!!??? I spend max £10 on little Jimmy and that's more than enough. I also throw in some chestnuts and a clementine on top of that'

Or 'mine is happy with our certificate for adopting a donkey for a year'

Really??! I think the commercialisation of Christmas has gone too far, granted but most kids I know would be upset if they didn't have at least a few presents to open on the day. I've noticed it's mainly from those who have the budget but refuse to spend to..somehow appear holier than thou??

Oh please.

It seems ridiculous for people to try and claim that no child was ever spoilt by being given loads of stuff.

But I love Christmas (and all the tackiness that goes with it - tinsel for the tree etc)

Tinsel is not tacky!

mitzy

I am no expert on spoilt dc, I have seen some dc been lavished with amazing toys and gifts throughout the year huge play rooms, bikes, climbing frames, dingies, pools, pool tables, tablets, coming out of ears and they were sweet dc, it was what they had what they were used too..what their freinds had too, they were lovely polite sweet dc.

My DS2 has all the major consoles given for either birthday or Christmas - plus hand helds and a phone and a laptop and a gaming PC (bought himself from birthday/Christmas money and pocket money savings).

He is kind and generous and has to be talked into telling me what he would like for Christmas.

It's not the stuff that makes children spoilt, it's the upbringing/mismanagement of expectations etc

Some children with lots of stuff are spoilt but equally loads of kids with lots of stuff aren't.

Mine have no expectation of anything and don't ask for anything.

I think a child is more likely to be spoilt if they’re bought toys on a weekly basis than if they’re given a heap of toys at Christmas and birthdays. But every spoilt child I can think of has an expectation of receiving lots of Stuff.

Not their fault, it's what they're used to.

I find the whole thing sad. Along with people berating those who spend much more. It's ridiculous.

If you spend barely anything you are slated. If you buy loads you are slated. I'm sure somebody would moan about someone in the middle. How about people just enjoy Christmas and let others do what they want?

That said, I draw the line at the people who barely get the kids anything stating 'it's not what Christmas is about' and then go spend hundreds on booze. Christmas isn't about getting pissed either! Actually,presents for the kids shows more Christmas spirit than a tonne of wine!

I think a child is more likely to be spoilt if they’re bought toys on a weekly basis

I agree. I've never had the issues in the shops with DC demanding and stropping to be bought stuff. If they showed an interest in something in particular they could ask to put it on their birthday or Christmas list or buy it themselves. I always felt that I could choose whether to treat them to something or not and that it wasn't expected by them at all. Most treats outside of birthday and Christmas tended to be books anyway as that is what they went through and needed the next in the series etc. most often.

will anybody admit to their child being spoilt on MN

sea possibly not.

However I will happily moan on here about other shit things that dd does. Can't think why I would mention of she was acting like a spoilt brat.

Like forgetting her coat and her PE a-fucking-gain this morning

True seaside I am aware of my DCs faults and freely admit that they can be lazy, untidy and disorganized. DS2 used to be a bit gobby from time to time but is currently a delight :)

he had plenty of tantrums when he was younger - just not about "stuff" :)

DS1 is borderline aspergers and is overly compliant so I don't tend to have any behavioural issues with him. If I said he was getting a Satsuma and a bit of coal for Christmas, he would just say "okay".

you can add a walnut FGS to your sons list myotherusernameisbetter

Might have to as he doesn't like tangerines :)

or Satsumas

I used to love reading the competitive martyrdom Christmas threads. Very few, if any (I can't remember any), were so frugal out of necessity. Trying to outboast each other with their so-called worthy, non commercial presents. We had vouchers for experiences or crafts (to be redeemed with parents only), sibling old toys re wrapped and handed down, and the handmade tat gifts.

The most spoilt unpleasant child my dd knows is the one that gets strictly no more than £50 spent on her for Christmas. Everything she has is second hand and falling apart. The child is rude, won't share and nasty to other kids if they won't do what she wants, the parents think she is just spirited and never tell her off. When she is behaving in a spoilt nasty way they parents make a simpering oh dear darling remark and let it carry on.
Before I get told they might only be able to afford £50 the dad earns over £150k and they have a mortgage free house.

yy nancy being spoiled has nothing to do with what they may or may not have or the amount ot costs. it's an attune. and if your gonna spoil a child by ignoring nasty behaviour or buying stuff because they threw a tantrum then you can do as much damage with a 10 p sweet as you can a 600 pound lap top.

attitude

I actually put a satsuma into the stockings last year after reading it here. I thought it's funny. The DDs were 3mo and 3yo. 3yo actually loved her satsuma, and her santa shaped chocolates. (It could have been a clementine or tangerine. Not sure). She told me matter of factly that santa isn't very smart for giving her baby sister a satsuma which she couldn't eat.

My DPs put monkey nuts into our stockings one year. They were still there when we opened our stockings the next Christmas. So perhaps the really frugal parent should give something so unwanted that it can be given each year.

I suppose it depends on your meaning of spoilt.

To my way of thinking, spoiling a child materialistically doesn't always directly impact their behaviour. I would say I spoil my DD. She's my only, her dad isn't part of her life and I want the very best for her. I spend a lot of money on her birthdays and Christmases, she does get a few treats (probably more than average), she gets new clothes and shoes as and when she needs them and not just on special occasions, she does a lot of after school classes and we go on a lot of trips/holidays, etc. I would spend my last penny to see her happy and well taken care of. I work extremely hard to ensure she never has to go without and so that she can enjoy every opportunity I can throw her way.

She is perhaps the sweetest, kindest, most well mannered, selfless child you'd ever hope to meet. And I don't say that in a preening, my-child-is-the-best type of way. I genuinely mean it. She's sensitive and loving and will worry about the world before she ever worries about herself. She is just a very sweet little girl. So my 'spoiling' her isn't a bad thing, because she isn't an expectant, obnoxious, demanding little brat. I would never have raised her to be that way.

When I hear the phrase 'spoiling a child' I think of it in very materialistic terms. For there to be an attitude problem present, I'd need to hear the word brat in there somewhere

As far as the OP is concerned, when it comes to parenting (in any form), you'll find competition. It's unfortunate, but there it is. I've spent a lot of money on DD this Christmas, like I do every Christmas. I start with a budget, and it slowly gets put in a drawer never to be looked at again. If people want to judge me for that, they can judge away. As a parent, I'll do what I feel is best for me and mine. I have an extremely frugal sister who judges my spending on DD. By comparison, she spends very little on her children, but I have never and will never judge her for that, because it's not for me to say what the right or wrong amount to spend is. Everybody's different. It wouldn't sit right with me to spend so little. It wouldn't sit right with many others to spend so much. Ying and yang, ain't it? Why we can't all just be happy for each other I don't know...

We put a stocking away with a satsuma in the bottom. It would have been easy to mistake for a walnut, when we discovered it the following year.

Satsuma? Luxury imported fruit!

What's wrong with a lightly shrivelled crabapple?

Satsuma is traditional though isn't it?

I always had a satsuma and a silver coin in the toe and an apple in the heel (proper actual sock) as well as some nuts and a few toys and sweets.

My DC are spoilt but they are not brats about it. My DC are 2&4 so the older one is aware of what's going on. We do buy 2nd hand toys for Christmas gifts when we could afford to buy new but it's wasteful plus I like that buying 2nd hand means I don't have to assemble the gift!

We have a very full month before Christmas. We live just outside of NyC so we take the DC to see the rockettes, the nutcracker and we do the polar express train ride in addition to the town tree lighting and Christmas carol concerts. We spend far more on the family activities than we do on the gifts.