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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Trivial domestic but I'm now home alone.

37 replies

patterkiller · 20/11/2015 16:48

DH had a day off, I had to work from home for a few hours so he took DCs, also off school, for breakfast.

I went up to get showered ten minutes before they left. They shouted bye, I continued to dry my hair.

So, I came down stairs to find the dogs free range in the kitchen, they are always locked out of the kitchen as they are Labradors and greedy feckers who have learned to open the bin, hence contents of the bin either in the floor or in their guts.

I group texted the three to say, I wasn't cleaning either the rubbish or the subsequent dog illness up and they needed to sort it when they get back.

DH came home livid with me and it wasn't his job to baby sit the dogs especially as he wasn't in the house. Teens also said as they weren't here wasn't their fault. They did clean it up but I've had the silent treatment all day.

They have now gone out for food, I was asked as an afterthought. I declined as I'm pretty sure I would have spoilt the atmosphere.

I don't think I was BU but it seems three against one and I'm now sitting home alone while they are out at a nice restaurant.

OP posts:
Imnotaslimjim · 20/11/2015 16:52

Why are you sat at home alone? Did they not invite you as punishment for making them clean up after the dogs?

How is not their fault that the dogs were in the kitchen if you were upstairs when they left?

YANBU at all, they're being tits. HTH

IsItMeOr · 20/11/2015 16:55

I think the group text was a bad idea. Surely you could have just removed the dogs and gone back to working, leaving the rest for them to clear up anyway?

But we all get enraged by other people's stupidity sometimes (or at least, I know I do), so I can understand what you sent it. You now need to re-build bridges. Could you join them at the restaurant and set a good example by saying you want to clear the air, and think perhaps you could have handled the situation earlier a bit better?

KittyVonCatsworth · 20/11/2015 16:56

I would have just cracked on and cleared up the mess tbh. I'm sure it wasn't done on purpose. So, in answer to your question I think that yabu for the shitty text, yanbu just be slightly pissed off that it happened in the first place.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/11/2015 16:58

Go and join them. They extended an olive branch by inviting you, even if it was an afterthought, and you've whacked it away and extended the feud.

You'll never know who failed to close the kitchen, nobody will remember and everyone will be adamant that it wasn't them. A group text was a bad idea, but it's done now.

Go and eat with them, forget about it. If you stay home alone, you just extend it, and the rift gets bigger, they'll be talking about eating out and you'll feel left out... It's so minor. If the dogs are ill, you can all deal with it.

Topseyt · 20/11/2015 17:01

I don't think you were unreasonable, but then I am owned by a labrador Grin and in his youth he would also do as you describe and munch the contents of the bin or anything else he could get at. They really are stomachs on four legs, and most will eat absolutely anything, regardless of whether or not we would deem it food.

I take it they are family dogs. That means they are a joint responsibility,

I tended to take most of the responsibility for our labrador because I was a SAHM for most of his youth (working part time now, and often from home). "Shut that bloody door" became my war cry when DH or the kids left it open.

So, from me it is that you are not being at all unreasonable.

Enjolrass · 20/11/2015 17:02

It was obviously one of their responsibility to shut the dogs away.

But I imagine they feel your shitty text was in part to ruin them going out this morning. At the very least it probably put a downer on it.

They did invite you and extended the olive branch. You chose not to go and do you chose to be at home on your own.

I love being at home alone, so I would kick back and enjoy and speak to them later.

Topseyt · 20/11/2015 17:05

Psssst! I would still say go and join them though. I wouldn't let my lot go for a meal out without me! Wink

witsender · 20/11/2015 17:10

I think it is just one of things. I would have huffed and puffed a bit but just shut the dogs out and cleaned up, much like I would expect them to were the roles reversed. I would go and join them if I were you.

Original poster
patterkiller · 20/11/2015 17:13

Ok so the text was shitty, I agree. But they all frequently shrug their shoulders with the dog responsibility infact with the house responsibilities.

And the olive branch was DD1, DH was still giving me the silent treatment so I really can't be arsed to be around him.

I'm making myself risotto because he hates it and I never have it at home.

OP posts:
Potatoface2 · 20/11/2015 17:15

sounds to me like typical husband and teenager behaviour....totally oblivious to anything....'it wasnt me'.....!!

catfordbetty · 20/11/2015 17:15

I'm sure it wasn't done on purpose

This is an important point. You're behaving as if you are a victim of their spiteful actions.

Shakey15000 · 20/11/2015 17:19

Yes, crappy text tbh. But as for being home alone (?) I'd be arranging to go out on one of those spontaneous evenings that have me rolling in at 3am

PlumpFiction · 20/11/2015 17:19

YANBU to have been annoyed, but YABU to prolong the 'feud' by turning down their offer to join them to go out to eat. If I was in your position, I'd have recognised that as an opportunity to move on, and taken it. If I was in your DP's position, I'd have taken your refusal as holding a grudge and would be a bit miffed about it and would be expecting you to make the first reconciliatory move when I got back!
Regardless, it's mountains out of molehills and the important thing now is to get things back on track and not let this situation take up any more of your weekend...Smile

Original poster
patterkiller · 20/11/2015 17:19

catford not at all.
I wasn't necessarily angry with them, just asking them to sort out the mess when they got back as I was working.

What kicked me off was DH being livid with me for asking him to do it, instead if just bloody doing it.

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 20/11/2015 17:19

I think it might have been more successful to clear up and then (jokingly) demand that they owe you big time and will be treating you to a slap up meal. Plus many lightheated reminders throughout the evening of how you are going to exact your revenge on them.
It sounds like you had a fairly understandable sense of humour failure about clearing up but I think the text plus refusing to go out with them is painting yourself into a corner where you look unreasonable and they get to go Hmm at you.

Original poster
patterkiller · 20/11/2015 17:25

It sounds like you had a fairly understandable sense of humour failure about clearing up I take it you have never clear up Labrador diarrhea. Not the funniest thing I've done first thing in a morning. Smile

OP posts:
TheBunnyOfDoom · 20/11/2015 17:27

So the dogs being let out isn't really what you're annoyed about, it's part of a bigger picture of laziness?

I actually think your "D"H has been incredibly rude - first by being angry (as the adult downstairs, he's ultimately responsible for making sure the dogs are locked up) and secondly, for being so rude and childish as to give you the silent treatment!

I suspect it's punishment for you daring to pull him up on his laziness, though it's incredibly worrying that your DC's think it's an acceptable way to treat their mother. Have they witnessed your H doing this a lot?

Wolfie2 · 20/11/2015 17:27

I think it was fine to send a text particularly if this sort of thing happens constantly. Maybe it should have been something like 'Just to let you know, I came down stairs earlier to find the kitchen door open and the bin contents on the floor. I'd like you to clean it up when you get home. We can then watch a film/eat out/plan the weekend'

Its important that they all take responsibility for their actions but you can ensure this happens in a nice way.

Topseyt · 20/11/2015 17:27

In my experience the silent treatment indicates that he knows that he/they screwed up, but is too proud to admit it at the moment.

I would still have gone out though, and talked to the kids rather than him if he preferred to just sulk in the corner. I guess that is just me being the stubborn old goat that I am though.

Wolfie2 · 20/11/2015 17:30

I think your DH should be backing you up and not ganging up on you. He should be setting an example by remedying the problem rather then inflaming things.

What are DH/DC like with chores generally?

Wolfie2 · 20/11/2015 17:30

The silent treatment is very manipulative .

Original poster
patterkiller · 20/11/2015 17:36

They're all crap at chores. Sad

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 20/11/2015 17:37

The silent treatment is never acceptable.

You are only home alone because you chose not to go to the restaurant, so you can't complain about that.

Make the DC pull their weight at home.

Tell DH to knock off the silent nonsense.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 20/11/2015 17:38

How does one stop being crap at something? Practice!

MistressoftheYoniverse · 20/11/2015 17:42

Silent treatment cannot last people tend to look like knob if they don't answer after a while...but also you could have gone but chose not to your call...I would be a little pissed if I was sent a text 'like one of the children'..