Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Dogs and Grandchildren

129 replies

Lucaslovesfelicity · 20/11/2015 12:40

So, went to visit my mum yesterday who has two large dogs. She absolutely dotes on them and often refers to them has her babies ( she has 3 human babies, as well as 5 human grand children) ). I find this all very strange but go along with it.... It's her house, her rules. Anyway, the dogs have absolute free reign of the house and are allowed to sleep in bed at night with both herself and her husband. Everyday, the dogs are cooked a fresh roast chicken dinner..No dog food passes their lips), they are allowed on the furniture and often do try sit at the doing table during meals!! She passes food and drink down to them on plates and mugs from the table..... Ewwwww. I've even caught her emptying out my DD left over formula milk into a bowl to give to the dog, as her baby enjoys it too I have to watch my 4 month when we visit, has she doesn't discourage the dogs from going over to the baby to lick her face. She simply says the dogs think they are human and want to give my LO kiss.... definitely not!! Anyway, the news was on last night which spoke about the police dog that got blew up in Paris. I said to her that although it was sad, it would have been far worse if it had been another human that had been killed. She disagreed and said to me that to her, dogs are on the same level as humans and in fact better than some I told her that I didn't agree and asked if one of the grandchild was in a house fire along with her dogs or in a situation where a dog had to risk it's life to aid the family, surely the dogs life couldn't be put on the same level as her families? She didn't answer and just went quiet. She went on to say that unless I was a dog owner myself, I wouldn't understand the situation. AIBU to be offended that my kids and my mums dogs are views the same

OP posts:

KissingFish · 20/11/2015 14:38

Exactly. I would love these people to go into that police dogs home and tell me nobody is grieving for them.

bluebolt · 20/11/2015 14:39

The sad thing is my dog would probably put his life on the line for me and yet he is down the pecking order for me. There are many people at the moment I would put below my dog (even below rats).

firesidechat · 20/11/2015 14:42

I didn't say that people don't grieve for animals. I certainly grieved for our dog when it was put to sleep, but it hasn't ruined my life. My husband or children dying would be unbearable and so it should be.

TheoriginalLEM · 20/11/2015 14:42

My dogs sleep in my bed, eat food from my plate and generally rule the roost but they are going to have to take their chances if the house is on fire and my children are inside im afraid. I suspect it would be the same for the OP's mum if it ever came to the crunch. I would probably put my life at risk for them though.

maybebabybee · 20/11/2015 14:44

My husband or children dying would be unbearable and so it should be.

Yes of course, but for some people their pets dying is unbearable, and that's not to be sneered at.

firesidechat · 20/11/2015 14:45

I think I will back carefully away from this thread now.

I believe that some of the police said that this dog dying probably saved their lives because they were about to send men in. Are some of you seriously saying that a dog dying is as tragic as a man dying?

firesidechat · 20/11/2015 14:47

This wasn't a pet in the sense that we are talking about. I'm sure the trainer/owner was devastated, but they are working dogs trained to do dangerous jobs.

SevenOfNineTrue · 20/11/2015 14:47

So true maybebabybee

maybebabybee · 20/11/2015 14:47

Are some of you seriously saying that a dog dying is as tragic as a man dying?

Massively depends on who the man is.

My ex stepfather for instance. I would rather save an ant than save him.

firesidechat · 20/11/2015 14:48

Who was sneering FGS. Not me.

maybebabybee · 20/11/2015 14:49

I never said you were sneering. I just said it was not to be sneered at. Just because people find their kids/spouses dying unbearable doesn't mean you can't also find pets dying unbearable - that was my point.

TheoriginalLEM · 20/11/2015 14:49

Fireside - i don't think it's a competition, but in those circumstances, yes, its equally as tragic yes. It doesn't mean that because i think that i would put an animal's life before a person but having empathy for animals is looked upon as a positive characteristic. I would imagine that the dog's handler (if he wasn't also killed - i pray he wasn't) is pretty devastated just now.

TheoriginalLEM · 20/11/2015 14:50

And why the "careful backing away"???

MatildaTheCat · 20/11/2015 14:52

Aside from your actual question I would be extra careful around dogs and your baby where the dogs have been given such high status in the house that they are apparently allowed to do anything they like.

My own beloved dog is snoozing nest to me on my bed but he is under no illusion that I am in charge.

yanbu she has taken loving her pets a bit too far.

budgiegirl · 20/11/2015 14:57

I would imagine that the dog's handler (if he wasn't also killed - i pray he wasn't) is pretty devastated just now

Of course he would be devastated, I would if it was my dog. But my life would fall apart if it was my son that had died instead of the dog.

I have a dog, who I love to pieces. But my children are my life, I would die for them, if there was a fire I'd absolutely get the children out before the dog.

Crazypetlady · 20/11/2015 15:02

I don't understand why you felt the need to point out it would be worse for a human to die.

My dogs are like my babies, a great dane and a chow/akita/collie /husky mix.They are big dogs and one tries to lick my son he is being trained and has nearly stopped entirely. My great dane is old now and a bit withered I know when they pass I will be devastated and inconsolable for a while.I am not comparing it to a child dying or another person but I would find it really hard.

I was devastated about diesel dying , I am a dog person I see them as family and I treat them as such. Your mum can treat her dogs how she likes.
YABU.
I do agree she shouldn't let them lick your baby.

Freezingwinter · 20/11/2015 15:05

I think if it came down to it of course your mom would save her grandchildren before her animals however it's a weird thing to be thinking about imo?? That said your mom sounds incredibly attached to her dogs which I understand, animals are part of our family too.

Owllady · 20/11/2015 15:13

I really don't think you can dictate to your mum what she can and can't do. It's her home and life and she is the adult in your relationship, stop treating her like the child!

I have a dog. She really is my companion, a shadow. All my dogs have been the same, have done everything with me (I come from a long line of collie owners :o) I would be pissed off if my children had a baby and then started telling me what I could and couldn't do with my own dog in my own home.

Maybe invite her round to yours instead?

CrabbyCockwomble · 20/11/2015 15:13

Why on earth did you keep prodding at your mother? You backed her into a corner with a hypothetical scenario so that you could get outraged at her answer.

How she treats her dogs is her business, as long as she's not putting them or anyone else in danger. Her opinions are also her business. There are a lot of people whom I would rate as being less deserving than my dog too, as it happens.

If you have concerns over the safety of your DC then that's one thing, but what she feeds her animals (which sounds unwise, frankly, but it's up to her, isn't it) and where they sleep etc is none of you business.

Owllady · 20/11/2015 15:14

I was upset about the Paris dog too. He looked so proud of his medals :o

Gottagetmoving · 20/11/2015 15:22

It's possible to totally love your dog without being as indulgent as your mum. Dogs are not people and to treat them like babies means you do not respect your dog at all.
I don't think it's a sign of love to coo over a dog or to allow them access to your food or bed. It's using your dog to fill something missing in you.
We were devastated when our dog died but he was always a dog to us,...Not a child or baby. We respected his need to be a dog not something for us to mollycoddle.
YANBU at all. Your mother's dog should not come before her grandchildren.

cranberryx · 20/11/2015 15:26

I think the PPs above that state that a dogs death is not as tragic as a humans obviously need to think about the circumstances.

Death is tragic, full stop.
It is the people close to us when we die that can give our death/life value by their grief, which is no more or less valid because it's a dog or a human IMO.

One of my friends got her dog 10 years ago, when she discovered that she was infertile and would never have children, I held her as she sobbed and sobbed when he eventually died, he was her child. Her grief was no less valid because the subject of her grief wasn't human.

We have experienced the death of a young child in the family also and no one persons feelings trump another's simply because one was human and the other wasn't, each person is entitled to feel what they feel when it comes to grief.

unicornbreath · 20/11/2015 15:28

YANBU. I had a terrible experience with my exMIL. I am skittish around dogs since I was badly mauled by one when I was a child. I don't mind dogs as long as they don't bark at me or jump up. Most of my friend's dog's are well disciplined and my friends are respectful of my fear. Same as I keep my cat in a separate part of the house if someone is allergic/doesn't like them. My exMIL locked me in a room with the dogs (two large, strong retrievers) to 'get over my fear' and it got to the point where I was crying and screaming to be let out after being backed into a corner by them. Awful woman really. She refused to put them in another room when we visited and their main room was the kitchen/diner where they sat by us whilst we ate and tried to eat food off our plates. They were not disciplined for this and were fed from the family member's plates openly which only encouraged them. It's really annoying and shows lack of control of their pets. Try eating your Christmas dinner whilst big dogs are clambering over you, drooling on you and trying to take your food. Not a pleasant experience. I had to stop visiting once I fell pregnant as they have hurt me quite a few times and didn't want to risk getting injured. ExMIL has scars from where they have hurt and bit her but she thinks it's normal. I have made it very clear that my baby will not be visiting her house unless the dogs are kept outside for the visit but she refuses so it's her loss really.

unicornbreath · 20/11/2015 15:34

I do agree do what the hell you want with your pets but not when you have guests. I occasionally feed my cat bits of meat but if I am having a dinner with visitors I shut her out of the way so she doesn't bother us. Common sense really.

budgiegirl · 20/11/2015 15:37

Death is tragic, full stop

Well, of course it is, but that doesn't mean all deaths have equal status. It doesn't mean that a dogs life is as important as a humans. To an individual dog owner, it might be, but not in general.

If a fireman goes into a burning building, who would you expect him to rescue first, a dog or a child? Are there really people out there who would expect him to rescue the dog first? Really?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6