Sorry for the epic post.
Our son is four weeks old. He was born by cat1 emergency section after which I spent 3 hours in theatre, 24 hours in intensive care and 12 days in hospital being pretty ill. He, thankfully, is completely fine. I'm home but still need a lot of help and find caring for him on my own (practical stuff like lifting him) quite hard. My partner has done most of the baby care single handed since day 1 and also has to help me with things like walking, showering, dressing, injections etc.
5 months before the baby was born my partner and I moved back to where he grew up. We don't really know anyone here except his parents (his mother and her wife of 18 years, his stepmother). It's a long way from any of my family but was planned and looked forward to for a long time. We've always got on well. They were super excited about their grandchild and thrilled that we wanted to be near them to raise him. There was lots of talk about how involved they would be, what renovations they would make to the house to make it more baby friendly (all unnecessary but they were excited), what it would be like to have one of their children just down the road again etc.
They have a lot of caring responsibilities for a total of 4 very old and infirm relatives, which is pretty hard work. They spend a fair bit of time doing their shopping, cleaning their houses, taking them to appointments etc. They also refuse to get help with this but complain a lot. One of them works 2 days a week, the other not at all.
Since our son was born I've been really upset by their attitude. They didn't come and see us much in hospital, despite it only being 20 mins away, and when they did they made a big song and dance about how hard it was to fit into their day. We asked them for a lift home from hospital when we were discharged, only to wait all day for them to get around to helping us because they had other things to do first and we ended up getting a taxi. We didn't see or hear from the for days after we got home. When we finally called and asked for a bit of help and support, we got it but it was like we were another thing on their list of things to do.
That help has tapered off again and we've not seen or heard from them for nearly a week. My partner is going back to work tomorrow (finances dictate he has to, even though I'm not really ready) and I'm dreading how I'll cope on my own. He called his mum to ask if she would pop in for a cuppa and see how we're getting on. She said she would on this occasion, but that they've decided certain days of the week will be their 'days off' from helping people so normally they wouldn't. Luckilly for me she saw fit to swap her 'day off' this week so she could visit me and her new grandson.
I realise they've got a lot to do, but I feel so angry and upset that seeing me and their grandchild is another task to be completed and not something they actually want to do. It makes me feel guilty for asking for help. I feel really cheated that we uprooted our lives to be here and none of their talk has materialised into action when it matters. My feelings are so strong that I don't really want to see them at the moment, and find it hard to see how we will all go on to have a happy healthy relationship. The truth is though that we really need their support.
Am I being selfish and unreasonable to expect them to be more helpful and willing? I've been so ill, down and hormonal I can't see the wood for the trees any more. How can I get passed this and forgive them when I feel so angry and let down?