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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it irritating when DH does this?

39 replies

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 15/11/2015 06:34

I know in the vast scheme of things I don't have much to complain about, but:

DH and I pretty much share lie-ins. Because of his shifts there aren't two possible every weekend, so often he gets extra ones if he's off in the week while DS is at nursery. DS is 15 months and wakes any time between 5.30 and 6.30.

When it's my turn to get up, I get ds, give him a feed, keep him quiet and then get us both up without waking DH. When it's DH's turn he doesn't wake up, so I get ds, give him a feed and then start trying to wake DH while DS climbs all over me, goes 'boo!' 20 million times, pulls my hair etc, with me going 'dh please get up. You said you'd get up... PLEASE GET UP NOW!' This can all take up to 40 minutes - by the time he gets up (and then it's 'can you just hang onto him while I go to the loo/ find my slippers?') I am wide awake and generally seething. Sometimes I manage to go back to sleep but I think this morning is a lost cause...

I know he's a slow waker but if I said 'dh you have to get up- you're late for work!' he'd leap out of bed. AIBU to think he's being slightly dickish?

OP posts:
MistletoeBUTNOwine · 15/11/2015 06:37

YANBU
I have/ had this with stbep
Not fair

LetThereBeCupcakes · 15/11/2015 06:40

YANBU.

my DH does this, too. Like you I'm wide awake by the time he finally gets his ass out of bed.

Do you have a spare room you could go to? So you could get DS, hand him to DH and leave? Not ideal as you're still getting up but might be quicker?

Or lock yourself in the bathroom with book and have a long hot bath?

Sympathy. Don't really know what to do!

Original poster
CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 15/11/2015 06:44

No spare room - two bed flat. The bath isn't a bad idea though. I may do that now...

I hate it as well as often I do end up snapping at him and it's a horrible start to the day for both of us, not to mention DS.

OP posts:
Moohoomeltdown · 15/11/2015 06:48

Completely unbelievable. Bloody useless. My DH also lets DS pad down our hall shouting 'mummy cuddle, mummy awake' because he wanted to see me. Ds then hands me my dressing gown saying 'mummy downstairs', not conducive to a lie in (one a week)

Equally annoying - I get DS up on DH's lie in day, sneak silently around, remember to put DS on the potty so he doesn't do a massive wee in his first nappy get him a drink, etc then twenty minutes later DH will get up. Then he's tired the rest of the day moaning oh I couldn't sleep. Well, I could have so why do I bother getting up first?? Honestly, today I was up at 6am. DH came down at 6.30. I didn't expect him til 7.30/8am.

knaffedoff · 15/11/2015 06:49

Very familiar, dh is fab helps round the house, very hands on with kids, takes a fair share of school runs and yet this drives me nuts...

Yesterday I was up from 3.30am with poorly child, this morning ds wakes at 4.30am and dh goes in to remind ds that it's sleepy time before returning to bed. The result is the whole house (apart from dh who is snoring) have been awake since 5am. I definitely feel your pain Sad

HicDraconis · 15/11/2015 07:03

Except you don't share lie ins, do you? Your DH gets his, but by the time he's faffed and made sure you are awake (nothing wakes me up like seething resentment), you have lost yours. Sounds like he's trying to engineer things so he gets his lie in but you have to get up anyway when it's your turn.

This would make me reasonably pissed off - enough to keep a diary for a week or two to demonstrate my point when I discussed it with him. It would also make me find a way around having to get him up on my mornings off - if that means putting him in DS's room on a campbed for those nights before and locking my bedroom door then I would.

PennyHasNoSurname · 15/11/2015 07:14

Well if he has a day off while DS is at Nursery then he should be getting up with him at 5.30/6, breakfasting and prepping him for Nursery and dropping him there. You can then grab a little bit more snooze time and just get yourself sorted for work.

Personally I think he should keep ds off with him when he has a day off (I know.my dh would), as doesnt he want to spend one to one time with him?

Aussiemum78 · 15/11/2015 07:15

Stop being quiet on his lie in.

Play with saucepans, do some cleaning, go looking for slippers in the bedroom.

Tell him you'll let him sleep when you get a turn.

Original poster
CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 15/11/2015 07:21

In fairness it's not always this bad... With nursery days often he does get up and take him in, even when he's been on a late or night beforehand, because I have to get a 6.30/7am train, but then he often comes home and goes back to bed or has a nap later before he goes to work. So not exactly always a proper lie-in but definitely more sleep!

He doesn't keep DS at home on days off because he's only in 3 days a week anyway, and only started in August - the nursery thought at least this term it was better to keep the consistency of him going in on those days. Plus he changed his shifts round to accommodate not having to have DS in childcare full time, so does have loads of one to one time with DS. He's generally great and very hands-on, it's just this one thing that drives me utterly batty.

OP posts:
Cheby · 15/11/2015 07:22

My DH is doing this right now, so YADNBU!

Currently feeling like throttling him. DD is jumping all over me and asking me to put new CBeebies episodes on for her while he snores away.

GloGirl · 15/11/2015 07:25

I'd put a dressing gown on and some socks andsit in the bathroom in the dark till you hear your DH get up with your kid. Keep yourself warm and in the dark and you have half a chance of going back to sleep when you crawl into bed.

Tell your husband he's a dick.

Fugghetaboutit · 15/11/2015 07:38

Yep same here, except I don't even bother asking for a lie in anymore and at 34 weeks preg I'm tired. He's still asleep now and I've been with ds over an hour. He didn't get his bottle though.
Ds doesn't ever want him in the morning because he's a grouch anyway so I would rather be with him.

LongHairDontCare · 15/11/2015 07:43

Yanbu. I do all night wake ups with both DC unless I am already dealing with one when the other wakes. I Co sleep with the baby as I'm too tired to teach her to self settle, but I hate it and it gives me a bad back.

The deal is I get a lay in at the weekend, yet whenever I wake him to suggest this, he gets into a strop! It's not my fault you decided to come to bed at 1am when you know our children wake at 6am..

Glitterball86 · 15/11/2015 07:49

I'm jealous you all get lie ins! My DP says it's ok for me to get up early as I'm not at work to have a nap in the day (we have a 9 week old baby and I'm on maternity leave at the moment!) . I've never been a fan of daytime napping as I can never sleep on an evening if I do !

dontcallmecis · 15/11/2015 07:56

I was a slow waker once.

kittenkatzen · 15/11/2015 08:03

Definitely not BU! My dh does this every single time, it drives me round the bend and I've pretty much stopped bothering as it always causes arguments. Not to mention the fact that, despite being a perfectly intelligent human being, he always needs full and detailed instructions of what to do with 2yo ds once they get downstairs - which he then promptly ignores. Like the time I told him to give ds a weetabix and a slice of toast for breakfast.....when I came downstairs he said he'd only given him the toast because he "didn't see why he needed two breakfasts" Hmm

Poor kid was starving (and I made dh fetch each of the 500 snacks he asked for that morning.....)

Anniegetyourgun · 15/11/2015 08:08

I should probably stop reading MN altogether because of the number of threads that remind me of reasons to despise XH. At one time, when we had 3 DC under 5, I started sleeping in the spare room because of having to get up for work the next day. However I'd often hear baby DS3 wake and start fussing for his bottle with no response, so went into the other room only for XH to struggle up and say I'm doing it, I'm doing it, you go back to bed, you're making yourself into a martyr. On one hideous occasion DS2, aged about 2 at the time, was actually in the bed with XH. Somehow the little fellow wriggled to the end and fell off, and landed with his shoulder on the hot radiator. I was woken by the thump, heard the crying, realised nothing was being done about it, rushed into the other bedroom, and had hauled DS2 out and was comforting him before Dad of the Year sat up going "Huh?" We took DS2 to hospital as it had burned quite a patch of skin and he got a lumpy (keloid) scar on his shoulder which he still has to this day (he's now in his late 20s). However the whole thing was my fault, because I should have had the gumption to make a cover for the radiator Hmm

Needless to say, after this, sleeping in the other room was declared a failed experiment. At least if I was in there with them I could do the sharp elbow thing.

Paintedhandprints · 15/11/2015 08:10

I've given up on lie ins too. I've not been offered one for about four months either. But I'm a SAHM so I can rest in the day. Confused I just go to bed earlier now instead.

MummaGiles · 15/11/2015 08:12

YANBU and it sounds very familiar. My DH can be very slow to react to a crying DS and prolongs the agony sometimes by just trying to give him his dummy back and expecting him to doze off again when he is clearly awake for the day. I hate sounding like I am nagging him when I tell him he is awake not just clamouring for his dummy (ie get up!)

DrPiggle · 15/11/2015 08:17

Another here.

Saturdays are supposed to be my lie in. What usually happens he lets the DC in our bed and then just falls asleep again. I got quite angry when it happened again yesterday and he assured me he'd make it up to me today.

DD2 has kept me awake since seven when he brought her up and he, of course, is snoring away. Really annoyed now, as once I'm awake I've no hope of getting back to sleep. He knows that.

When it is his turn to sleep on I bring the children downstairs and keep them quiet. Obviously, his sleep is more important.

LuluJakey1 · 15/11/2015 08:20

YANBU.
We take it in turns. Sometimes DS will have his milk and settle in for another snooze with us but sometimes he is wide awake. If I take him downstairs, I shut all the doors and try to play quietly with him. If DH takes him diwnstairs, he just plays whatever and the noise echoes through the house. Drives me mad.

Mouthfulofquiz · 15/11/2015 08:24

All of these men need a serious talking to!!!

Onedirectionarestillloved · 15/11/2015 08:28

Yay ex h was the same.

kittenkatzen · 15/11/2015 08:29

Oh yes paintedhandprints I get the "but you're a sahm" thing too! Including constant "jokes" about how many coffee mornings have I been to today. When I do bite he just backs down with a "oh I know it's really hard, just not as hard as my job is" as if that was point...Hmm

BrianButterfield · 15/11/2015 08:30

YANBU. Sometimes on my get up day if it's really quite early I might bring DS in bed for a cuddle but the DH says "take him downstairs would you?" and we get out of his hair. It's a fair cop! I'd say the same to him too.