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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why it's so difficult to go to the gym alone?

45 replies

TheSeptemberIssue · 11/11/2015 12:31

I go to the gym a few times a week. Two work outs and one class (which I really enjoy) Sometimes work gets in the way and I can't go but that's ok because it's just me going by myself.

A good friend has decided to join a gym to lose some weight. She mentioned wanting to go to a specific class but was a bit nervous as she'd never been before. As it's similar to my class, I offered to go with her (and paid extra as a guest) We both enjoyed it but I prefer my gym and my class.

Now I keep getting texts asking when I'm coming to this class with her. A few times I've had to cancel because of work commitments and she's been quite huffy. I've also realised this is an extra cost on top of my own gym membership which seems a bit silly.

It all came to a head when she said she didn't feel I was supporting her and her weight loss and she didn't feel comfortable going to the gym by herself.

AIBU? I went once, the class was fine, she enjoyed it. The most interaction we had was making semi-exhausted faces at each other between the songs. It seems silly that a grown woman won't go to a gym class unaccompanied!

OP posts:
HoggleHoggle · 11/11/2015 12:34

I agree with you. It really gets my goat when adults can't do things like this by themselves.

MrsBalustradeLanyard · 11/11/2015 12:35

Tell her thanks, but you'll stick to your own gym from now on.

Mates at the gym get on my nerves. Last night it was packed, couldn't get on a treadmill. 3 sets of 2 friends were on there, having the world's slowest stroll and a chat. So annoying! I don't understand why people want to do these things in a group.

PurpleDaisies · 11/11/2015 12:36

That is odd. I assumed you were working out together rather than going to a class when I opened your post.

If she's relying on someone else to motivate her to get to the gym she's doomed to failure. Perhaps you could suggest she gets a pt?

Oliversmumsarmy · 11/11/2015 12:37

I do a lot of things by myself and get the comment that I am so brave.

I go to the gym on my own, wouldn't have crossed my mind to go with anyone else. TBF that is my alone time. I personally don't want to make conversation with anyone else nor do I want to have to accommodate anyone else.

confusedandemployed · 11/11/2015 12:39

NBU at all. I couldn't think of anything worse than going to the gym / a class with someone else. They are solitary pursuits for me, except of course for idle chit chat with fellow attendees.

thunderbird69 · 11/11/2015 12:40

Why doesn't she come to your class instead?

I wouldn't want to go to the gym with someone else, I see it as me time same as oliversmumsarmy

GailLondon · 11/11/2015 12:40

God I'd hate going to the gym with someone else, them seeing me all unfit and out of breath!
She needs to go by herself, its not right to expect you to keep paying for this class when you already have your own different gym membership!

winterinmadeira · 11/11/2015 12:42

Ynbu at all. I understand some people lack confidence but she needs to man up about this. Especially since it's costing you extra money

BeyondThirty · 11/11/2015 12:42

Does she have anxiety? I cant go anywhere on my own, which is quite annoying as i prefer to be alone!! Grin

There isnt a chance in hell i'd go to a class on my own, even if i could manage it with friends

Though that still isnt your fault of course, just a possible explanation

Original poster
TheSeptemberIssue · 11/11/2015 12:43

She's a member of a different gym, so she'd have to pay guest past costs to my gym the same as I would to hers. They're in totally different parts of the city too.

I do want her to succeed and lose weight but I don't want the endless messages or feeling like I have to leave work when I'm in the middle of something just to appease someone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSeptemberIssue · 11/11/2015 12:45

No, no anxiety that I know of. Works in a pretty high powered job with a lot of responsibility and regularly has to address large rooms of people!

OP posts:
MrsBalustradeLanyard · 11/11/2015 12:45

Well you're hardly duty bound to care if she loses weight or not - the only one who should be caring about that is your daft friend!

BolshierAryaStark · 11/11/2015 12:56

I never understand this either, I do 3 classes a week by myself, you know because I'm an adult & can manage it.
YANBU

InternalMonologue · 11/11/2015 12:58

I'd hate to go the gym with someone else. I like doing my own thing and don't need people I know seeing me all red in the face and sweaty.

Do you have the sort of friendship where you could actually say "Just go yourself fgs"?

Easier to give advice than follow it though, I'm forever appeasing people to avoid aggro.

OnlyLovers · 11/11/2015 12:59

She's being pretty selfish. Be breezy if she gets huffy again: 'Oh, you'll soon get into a routine and enjoy going.' Change the subject.

lornathewizzard · 11/11/2015 13:04

When I first started going to classes I lacked the confidence to go on my own amd wouldn't go if my friend bailed. The standing about before starting was what got to me, felt like a plonker on my own.
It just takes time. I started going by myself and have made some great friends there.

MajesticWhine · 11/11/2015 13:08

Sounds bonkers. I assume you have spelt it out that you already belong to a different gym and have a busy life.

Huntthepigsear · 11/11/2015 13:12

If she wants company to go to a class, then she is the one who should be paying as a guest to go to your gym. Mind you, I wouldn't be encouraging this as she sounds a PITA.
And the pp who said that if she needs you to support her to go, then she is setting herself out to fail is spot on.

Jellytot321 · 11/11/2015 13:13

I agree with beyondthirty. My anxiety stops me doing things on my own, especially for the first time, even if I'd love to- I understand it's annoying for grown adults to act as such, but its an illness and often can't be helped.

But as you don't think she has anxiety, and she isn't exactly being pleasant about it, then I don't think yabu. I would never be 'huffy' with someone for not wanting to come with me, especially given you're at a different gym! She needs to find someone else if she really doesn't want to do it on her own.

GruntledOne · 11/11/2015 13:15

It's ridiculous to expect someone else to incur expense and inconvenience just because you feel you can't lose weight without support. I wonder if she's looking for an excuse to bail out and blame it on someone else?

KathyBeale · 11/11/2015 13:18

I left the gym near work because my colleague kept coming with me. I much prefer going by myself!

kardashianklone · 11/11/2015 13:20

I go to the gym alone twice a day, morning and evening and can't imagine why she can't go by herself. I like the peace and quiet ans alone time. Can she not go to a restaurant or cinema or travelling by herself either? Just tell her the extra cost and distance and hassle isn't working for you, she's an adult and should be able to go by herself. If its the hanging around d before class bit that she doesn't like, then she should listen to her iPod whilst she does some warm up stretches or go on the treadmill.

BeyondThirty · 11/11/2015 13:22

Thanks jellytot Flowers

"I'm an adult", "selfish" and "bonkers". Nice.

MajesticWhine · 11/11/2015 13:26

BeyondThirty, no one was talking about you being bonkers or selfish. It was about the OP's friend. That is what the thread is about.

Branleuse · 11/11/2015 13:27

that would piss me off