It's fine for children to do whatever they wish - I am not judging, but just saying that there was a post on Gransnet which was full of sadness about this issue and wondered whether the folks on here were aware how deeply some grans feel about it. I do not think that I would have been aware when a mother bringing up my children - I was too busy chasing my tail with them all. It is fine hygge for anyone to do whatever they wish - I just initiated a discussion about the other side of the coin.
You are judging.
please bear in mind that sometimes they just do not want to admit out loud how hurt and lonely they feel.
Assumes that people who don't have their parents/grandparents around haven't considered it. Indeed, haven't' agonised over decisions many, many times over.
My father would have LOVED a gransnet type place. He had endless amounts of people feeling heart sorry for him. To the point that a NURSE from a hospice got involved in the "Make Lyra visit her poor dying father" campaign that I endured.
He would tell you about the Christmases he took his kids to the funfair. He'd tell them about the presents under the tree and the family meals around the table. He'd talk about the gifts that had been bought and how nice it was and how much he missed it. He'd also talk, sounding very genuine, about the time my sibling burnt themselves on the iron being careless and how he lose his temper a bit through fear and smacked them "a wee bit harder than he should". But he'd labour the point about how scared he was, because my sibling was so careless and he was terrified they'd get hurt... Then he'd be really sad when he talked about his evil in-laws. Swooping in like he was a monster. Over-reacting and stealing his children. He'd talk about going round to their house to try and take his children back and the children screaming and crying in fear at the arguments and how he left it "for a few weeks" expecting it to calm down and them to see sense, but then that was seen as an admission of guilt and the children were poisoned against him...
He missed out a lot though. Like the fact he took us to the funfair, HE went on lots of rides and we had to watch. If we'd been better kids we'd have got a turn but we weren't. The presents under the tree were gifts we got and were promised we could keep, but never mentioned the fact that by February they were always sold for drink or drug money. Or smashed in a temper. Or how my sibling got the iron burn from him, hitting them with the iron. Or that the screams at my grandparents were because we were terrified of him hurting my grandfather, or being able to make us go back.
And for the record I got on amazingly with my wonderful grandparents, I am very close to my MIL, and my husband was widowed when we met and I am also very close to the lady who calls herself my "other" MIL (his late wife's mother). So despite the best efforts of the people who saw no fault in themselves the problem wasn't with me.
I know that some families have rifts in them and not all parents make a good job of their role, but might this not be a time to heal some wounds and act out of kindness?
So no. Christmas isn't a time to heal some wounds and act of out kindness, because some people, including I bet some people on Gransnet with sob stories, simply don't deserve it.