...to be upset about her termination?

[princesspineapple]

I'm 21 weeks pregnant, and one of my best friends has just had a termination.
I'm all for pro-choice and it's her body etc etc... But she has basically used this as contraception (they've not used any protection for a year) and I don't really agree with that.
Putting aside my (and everyone's) feelings about her pregnancy choices... AIBU to be upset that she turned to me first in her "time of need"?
I've had MCs in the past, and am over the moon to be pregnant... So am finding it really hard to support her when she says things like "well it's only pea sized" when my little pea is now wriggling away in my belly!
Am I being a bit of an over-emotional pregnant lady and need to buck up and be a better friend, or is she actually being a cow?

Sorry rage I don't believe someone would actively brush condoms aside because they'd prefer to have an abortion

I don't believe for a minute that abortion means that all women will take more chances. Or that lack of abortion means that no one will take risks - history shows us that people did. But I do believe that the OPs friend is not alone in neglecting contraception in the knowledge that she has a back up. Many people dont share the view that abortion is a 'last resort' option and think that it is just a bunch of cells, so why wouldn't they? I know somebody who worked with women having terminations and apparently it wasn't uncommon to see the same people more than once. I do judge that. But I know the old MN adage that data is not the plural of anecdote!

All that said, I wouldnt want to see anything different wrt laws governing abortion.

I've had 4 mc and I also would find that conversation / situation difficult op. I'm pro choice and people that tell you what you 'actually' believe can actually sod off. Don't be hard on yourself because of comments here.

I knew a woman who had at least 8 abortions, that I knew of. She didn't like taking the pill or using any other form of contraception herself, her husband refused to use condoms, they were not in a position to have children till her ninth pregnancy. This was not in England and nothing to do with the NHS, but this couple clearly thought of abortion as another form of contraception. So it definitely does happen. That's a choice, too.
I reiterate that I don't think the OP is one bit unreasonable in being upset, although she possibly is suffering from having been so nice to her friend in the first place by sending her a present and saying she'd be there for her.

...or, of course, if the 20-wk scan showed an incompatibility with life.

why do you thnk its OK for rape, if its an abomination at any other time??

Don't sit on the fence there or anything, Conscious. I'm sure any woman who contemplates terminating a pregnancy at such a late stage would be doing it purely because she can't be arsed having a baby anymore, rather than going through anything desperately traumatic in her life.

OP, I hope your conversation goes well. As I said before, she might not take it well, but you are perfectly entitled to feel uncomfortable.

It's a fucking abomination.

Why? Why should a woman be forced to have a child she doesn't want? Why does the life of a foetus trump the life an actual living, breathing, feeling, woman?

I'll say it again, I suffered a MC. I have also sat through 2 friends painful and emotional abortions. I didn't get upset about their choice, as I realise it's not my choice or anything actually to do with me. What I wanted is not what they want. And that's fine. I understand why the OP is upset but she offered support to her friend who is taking it. It's not the friends fault that the OP hasn't states her true feelings, and the vitriol the friend has received on this thread is disgusting!

Piper, you have to remember that the friend is ending a human life, not because of a medical reason or a failure of contraception or because she got carried away in the heat of the moment. She is terminating because for a whole year, she cba to use contraception. A lot of people do find that abhorrent. She has been judged as an idiot.

So a 24 week foetus conceived by rape is less worthy of life than a 24 week foetus conceived any other way? Why is that?

I know Let but opinion is not fact and it doesn't make her a bad person or friend. It's not really ours or OPs place to judge her lifestyle choices (even though I know judging is part of life and we can't always help it) if she needs a termination the backstory is irrelevant.

OP offered to support her - saying that she's being insensitive for taking up that offer is a bit silly when she doesn't know OPs true feelings. Like I say I know why OP is upset and hope it all goes well and minimum upset caused all round!

Don't talk puerile senseless horse shit. A baby at 24 wks can survive outside the womb - even earlier. It is a 'living, breathing, actual human being' (to quote Piperchapstick) and no fucker trumps it's right to life.

Plenty of women risk their own lives by foregoing chemo to give their unborn baby a chance of continued life, so try telling them they're sacrificing themselves for a nothing- 'foetus' of 24 weeks.

its

Am I the only one who finds phrases such as puerile senseless horse shit incredibly winning arguments...?

I could not disagree with you more conscious. A living woman's right to life trumps that of a foetus (although 24wks is viable pregnancy so foetus is

Yep, Thurlow. Nice to know we can all have a polite, respectful debate

PS I meant no, you're not the only one (not yes!)

The only puerile senseless horseshit is coming from the person saying that women should not be allowed to terminate pregnancies unless they were raped or the baby had a fatal condition. Now either you're saying babies in those circumstances are less worthy of life than other babies or you're saying that you want to punish women by forcing them to continue pregnancies they do not want to.

Both are hateful but which one is it?

Conscious, I am very sorry that you appear to regret your decision to terminate a pregnancy. However just because you believe, with the benefit of hindsight, that things would have been ok if you had continued with the pregnancy, does not then mean that things would be ok for every woman who has a termination, for whatever reason.

it is true though that an abortion at 24 weeks should really only be done in extraordinary circumstances. The limit needs to be drastically lowered, unless there are extraodinary circumstances then it should never be left that long to the point at which you are killing something which has developed organs, a heartbeat, brain function, hearing etc. I'm sorry but >unless in an extraordinary circumstance< then that is abominable and i don't know how anyone could do it.

I know people are saying what about the mother, well yes they are a person too whose health and wellbeing need to be considered, but unless they were raped then they were complicit in bringing a life into the world and i don't think that should be thrown away just like that.

ConsciousPilot
Survival rates for babies born pre-24 weeks are still very low, and haven't improved in decades.
Rates for babies post-24 weeks are getting better slowly, but 80% of those babies will still have some form of disability.
You are painting a very warped picture

I should say that i do think the nhs do a good service in these situations, when i was 16 i almost went through with a termination, but i had to go to the pre-scan etc on my own and then talk to a nurse, a doctor etc, and thanks to them i realised that i couldn't go through with it. So from my experience i do think that they do a reasonable job in ensuring that the woman is happy to go through with it and check her wellbeing/understanding etc.