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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get annoyed that DH's idea of housework is just moving stuff around?

30 replies

starsandstars · 09/11/2015 13:57

He piles things up, shoves things into cupboards, piles things on windowsills etc. But no actual cleaning or proper tidying is ever done.

I was out at work for 12 hours on Saturday and when I got home I was met with a "Ta Da" type flourish. Literally all he had done was move things around; a pile of washing from the top of the tumble dryer had been put in the hallway upstairs. Kids toys in the lounge just put in a pile rather than taken up upstairs. Things had just been piled up neatly on the worktop rather than put away in cupboards. No hoovering, no dusting, no cleaning of kitchen or bathrooms,just a bizarre move around of stuff.

And before anyone says I should be grateful he does anything at all, I'll point out we are both fully functioning adults, both working full time

OP posts:

00100001 · 09/11/2015 15:13

Some people have no clue

Modestandatinybitsexy · 09/11/2015 16:19

Literally having images of a pyramid of mugs affronting you in the kitchen

SleepyForest · 09/11/2015 16:27

I tend to bin things, so count yourself lucky!

If it won't fit in the cupboard nicely it goes to the charity shop or the bin. My family have learned to put things away if they want them to stay.

Original poster

starsandstars · 09/11/2015 16:28

No I won't count myself lucky, Sleepy.

Why should I?

OP posts:

00100001 · 09/11/2015 16:29

Because otherwise sleepy will come round your house and throw all your stuff away!

Original poster

starsandstars · 09/11/2015 16:29

Because he didn't throw away the clothes and underwear of mine that were in the laundry piles? Bugger that.

OP posts:

00100001 · 09/11/2015 16:31

Count yourself lucky that.... at least he tried!

Brighteyedbirdie · 09/11/2015 16:33

Humajyyyuthuujyn

Original poster

starsandstars · 09/11/2015 16:35

He should do more than trying! Like I said in my OP he is a fully functioning adult! If I can do things properly then I don't see why he can't!

OP posts:

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 09/11/2015 16:39

But moving things around is tidying, just because he doesn't move them to where you think the proper place is doesn't mean he hasn't moved them to where he thinks the proper place is.

If you want him to do things to your standards, you need to explain that, and dictate what your standards are, and likely compromise either on the standards or on other areas where his idea of proper is different to yours.

There is no "proper", you have to compromise.

Original poster

starsandstars · 09/11/2015 16:41

Of course there is proper! He never cleans, that's my issue, he just moves stuff around! Why should I be the only one to ever clean? Oh and he is certainly vocal about mess but never puts anything away!

OP posts:

OliviaBenson · 09/11/2015 16:42

It's not doing something to OPs standards though is it? Surely it's obvious that washing needs to be put away, rather than just moved? That's just laziness! And don't even get me started on wanting to be congratulated for it.

Original poster

starsandstars · 09/11/2015 16:44

Thank you Olivia for getting my point! I was thinking from the other replies that I was on a 1950s forum!

He will moan at some point that his stuff, that he dumped on the landing, isn't put away.

OP posts:

00100001 · 09/11/2015 16:47

Cleaning and Tidying are not the same thing though...

SonjasSister7 · 09/11/2015 16:47

It sounds like he 'orders' the mess rather than deals with it - so its all gonna need double-handling, yes? Point this out to him (ie that its inefficient /a waste of his valuable time?

Does he know what to do with the laundry/dirty dishes etc? Does he know how to work the hoover? Ask him that too! Or is he 'afraid of doing it wrong'? (my dh's go-to excuse)

You have my sympathy. He sounds like my teenagers, ie lazy!

OliviaBenson · 09/11/2015 16:49

I know! I was at some of the responses. I'd simply stop doing anything at all for him. He's s grown up- why are you responsible for it all? I'm angry for you!

Original poster

starsandstars · 09/11/2015 16:49

Well he seems to think they are, as he thinks he's done housework when he's 'tidied'

SonjasSister, of course he knows how to do it and where the hoover is kept!

OP posts:

Original poster

starsandstars · 09/11/2015 16:49

Thank you Olivia

OP posts:

JassyRadlett · 09/11/2015 16:51

Count yourself lucky that.... at least he tried!

Nah, fuck that. So so tired of men getting a free pass and being infantilised when it comes to domestic stuff seen as 'women's work'.

It doesn't take a great deal of brainwork or explicit direction from a woman to know that clean laundry goes where the clean clothes live (ie wardrobe/drawers/ironing basket).

If the kids toys don't usually live in the lounge, that's something both adults should have noticed.

Honestly. Men are actually capable and competent if they're expected to be.

Fratelli · 09/11/2015 16:58

I'm with you op! If you're both working full time all the household chores should be 50/50. And they should be done properly! Like putting clothes away rather than just moving them! Have some and op

Finola1step · 09/11/2015 17:09

He hasn't got a clue. He sounds like a "half job". I've seen them everywhere. People who can't quite be bothered to do a full job properly. The laundry for example. Take it out of the tumble drier. Take it up stairs, put away in relevant places and then return laundry basket to its place. That's a full job. But he's a "half job". So he will take out laundry and sees that as job done.

cranberryx · 09/11/2015 18:27

Finola you've summed up my DP perfectly!

On the subject of laundry, mine also:
Goes through the (shared) hamper and washes only HIS clothing, leaving mine said washing goes in the washing machine only to be left, damp, for a day or two and in need of another wash/dry/iron.
Which has suddenly become my responsibility

I only find this out when I go to the washer to put the rest of the washing in!

Sorry to hijack, I needed to get that off my chest.

Also, hiding things is not tidying them as well! I agree with OP on this one - maybe you should start labelling everything, both the item and it's place (thinks mug and mug cupboard) and then ask him why the items aren't in their homes?

I only say this to treat him like a child, because he seems to be acting a bit like one!

Orangeanddemons · 09/11/2015 18:39

Moving things around isn't tidying unless you are putting them away. Tidying is putting all the accumulated detritus away in the right place.

LindyHemming · 09/11/2015 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeanutButterLips · 09/11/2015 22:49

I thought this title was bout my partner, it certainly sounds like him. Moves things and piles up but never tidied away ,it drives me mad!!
I think he does it so I won't ask again, we both work full time but I do 100% of the housework. He just comes home and cluttered the sides up with car keys, change, receipts... If I've spent the day cleaning he gets to know how angry I am at that point!
He is generally though a 'cluttery' man there's always something of his where it shouldn't be so when I put it where it should go I get bombarded with questions where's this and that where have you moved it? Er to the correct place!
I totally understand where you are coming from OP

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