I cant understand all these grandparents commandeering what happens on Christmas day...?

[ssd]

now I know this is a thread about a thread, well several threads actually

I just cant understand the pressure some grandparents put their grown up children under on Christmas day, expecting them to drag young kids around in the car for hours to visit them

sure, visit if you are nearby, but if not why not let the young family have a nice day with their kids and see them after/before the day, or else drive the distance yourself, stay an hour and drive home, leaving them in peace!!

whats happened to grandparents, are they all selfish buggers these days, or only on MN?

disclaimer: both mine and dh's parents are dead and as much as I'd give my eye teeth for a grandparent here, I know if they were still alive they wouldnt be so selfish!

We think of Christmas a longer period of time. Not just a couple of days. Both sets of GP are a distance away, we tend to alternate hosting Christmas Day Eve, Boxing Day, One year one set the next the other. Sometimes we have been on our own. We wouldn't stay at their houses as its better if the children all have proper beds. We then will travel to visit also. The other set usually come at new year.

I think it's best not to get too locked in to a routine.

I think it's often the case that the grandmother sees herself as the most senior woman in the family...but that's not true if there is another grandmother on the other side.

My parents were fab - our first Christmas my DM said now it's time for you to make your own traditions, we'd love to see you - if you want to join us great, if not we'll catch up another time.

Wonderful Christmas present. Never had any guilt over Christmas!

Broad brush condemnations and emotive strawmen ("leaving an elderly parent alone so that children can play with toys" - who said they were doing that?) are really unhelpful for people who are trying to juggle some very complex situations.

There are threads like that though....

Surely it should be about give and take? Not 'rights', or 'pecking orders', or 'children come first', or 'the most senior woman' or all the other categories and prioritising that seems to be analysed every Christmas in some families?

Don't leave people alone, don't pull up a drawbridge that excludes everyone else, don't demand and command that people come to yours regardless of other commitments, don't insist that tradition be followed at all costs.

Just be kind and flexible.

We say to all our kids. By all means you are welcome for Christmas dinner and any day for that matter. but it's just another day and there's always another meal on another day.

We just want them to have fun at Christmas.

However there are people who post about vile relatives and quite frankly no one should have to spend Christmas with toxic people of any age or any relationship.

headof, your parents sound great!

I started writing a post, but it got quite long.
Suffice to say its a bit tough when you have to rearrange your Christmas plans because your siblings inlaws have Decided what they want and insist all their family comply. It has simply never occurred to them that their gcs other grandparents have family too and can't just rearrange everything to suit.

They are ssd as we don't feel under pressure, we see them much more as we know it doesn't lock us into anything!