To put baby in the corner?

[MissTwister]

...Or more specifically in her own room before 6 months?

She keeps us awake all night with her little noises and more often than not my husband and I take it in turns to sleep in other room.

We would like to sleep in a bed together again and get some sleep but obviously don't want to put her in danger....

We know a lot more these days?

No we don't. we know what we know now and will discover things we think are right were actually wrong.

That's life.

Of course people should listen to the latest evidenced based advice but then assimilate and act according to their individual needs.

If you religiously keep your baby in your bedroom with,you despite not being able to sleep, fall asleep at the wheel and kill yourself and your baby then that was a tragic bad decision.

Life is complicated not black and white.

Hasn't sids been reduced massively by something like 70% since new guidelines were bought out?

If you are genuinely not getting any sleep because you have your baby in your room, then yes you have to weigh up the risks.

Because we did something 30 years ago and it was ok isn't a very good reason.

dexter so sorry for your loss

One thing that I think needs balancing is the need for the parents' sleep v risks of Sids.

If a mother is absolutely exhausted and making mistakes, possibly dangerous ones, due to severe mental and physical fatigue, that is also dangerous.

just because it was done God knows how many years ago doesn't make it automatically wrong or right.

What suits one family doesn't suit another. If it's your first baby you may be able to nap in the day. When it gets to baby 4 I was doing school runs and after school activities so sleep deprivation would have been dangerous.

Everyone makes choices. No one has a right to judge another's parenting actions unless they are illegal.

Not always sure one should always follow updated advice blindly regarding child care either as there are a hell of a lot of fashions in parenting and money to be made out of anxious parents.

I find AP frankly bat shit crazy but it's personal choice.

The DM and The Times for example, are constantly printing the 'latest' health advice or parenting advice which is often one scientists opinion and not fact. The internet is equally full of conflicting advice too.

That's why parents need to read, assimilate and use/discard as they see fit.

Earplugs.

I know all about that lostcat, I'm on baby number 2 and he's a terrible sleeper.

I don't necessarily think that you should blindly follow guidelines, surely it's a mix of evidence based research and instincts.

It seems perfectly natural and correct to me that a young baby that has spent 9 months inside you, might spend the same amount of time sleeping very close by.

It doesn't seem too much to follow the guidelines, 6 months is a short space of time. It's quite important and having your baby in your room certainly won't harm them.

If you are getting zero sleep purely because your baby is there yes you'd have to rethink.

I honestly don't understand why some people prioritise their own comfort over the safety of their child. Obviously if the child's snuffles are keeping you awake and leading you to be dangerously sleep deprived, then fine, you need to weigh up the risk. But I would never chose to raise the risk of SIDS just so I could get a little extra sleep.

We put DD in her own room from about 14/15 weeks purely because my husband tramples around like an elephant in steel toe capped boots and kept waking her up during his regular night-time toilet visits as well as her waking for food obviously.
We got a Motorola video monitor and a breathing sensor pad to go under her cot and all is well

No we don't. we know what we know now and will discover things we think are right were actually wrong.

Exactly.

We do know that some babies that die of SIDs are now being classified as suffocating on unsafe bedding conditions, making them no longer SIDs. That's true scientific data that sleeping on their back and avoiding suffocation is beneficial. Or that too many warm blankets in winter combined with the heater cause the baby to overheat and die.

SIDs just means they have no clue what caused the baby to die.

Which means, they can't scientifically conclude that sleeping in the same room helps unless they can produce a reason why. They're shooting in the dark, the same as they were 50 years ago when it was advised babies sleep on their stomachs and be left to cry so they weren't spoiled.

My baby forgot how to breath a few times too. But then she started back up again without us there to regulate it for her. I am skeptical they need us to regulate breathing, as they don't need us to tell them they're hungry, to go to the bathroom, or any other basic instinct controlled by the brain stem. Nor are they around parents every nap to regulate breathing, and they do fine. If they're not regulating breathing, it's a physical brain development issue and there's not much you can do to change that.

That said, if parents want babies in the room with them, more power to them. If they don't, I just don't think such a statistical anomaly is worth fretting about if you birthed a healthy baby.

Amummyatlast - it's not just the parents' sleep that might be better without the baby in the same room - some babies sleep better on their own.

There is a huge difference between 'getting a little extra sleep' and night after night of broken sleep - that's why sleep deprivtion is used as a form of torture.

I honestly don't understand why some people prioritise their own comfort over the safety of their child. Obviously if the child's snuffles are keeping you awake and leading you to be dangerously sleep deprived, then fine, you need to weigh up the risk. But I would never chose to raise the risk of SIDS just so I could get a little extra sleep.

Because I'm not mommy martyr. I don't play that game.

If I can get good sleep and do a good job raising my baby, then why I would I choose sleep deprivation? You can be sleep deprived with a healthy alive baby, or you can be well rested with a healthy alive baby. I don't understand why parents wouldn't get good sleep and take care of themselves so they don't run themselves ragged. I was well rested and able to fully be there in the morning when my baby was awake. Stressed parents = stressed babies, so you can't truly say that it's best for baby to keep them in the room where parents are functioning on less than optimal sleep. Being a parent is about more than merely keeping your child alive.

I was relaxed and able to enjoy my child, and it shows in the fact that my child is laid back and well adjusted. I can't wrap my head around why parents wouldn't do that.

Like I said, if they want to great I support them 110%. But no mother should feel like it's an obligation, anymore than they should feel like breastfeeding is an obligation. Your parenting isn't measured by what you sacrifice for your child, it's measured by how well you're raising your kid and helping them become a responsible well adjusted member for society.

Different era but mine went in their own room from the day they came back from hospital. I used to go in and feed them in the dark when they woke.

5 mo DS has been in his own room for a month as he's such a light sleeper. Better all round!

Clearly no one on here is a neglectful parent and let's face it we are all groping in the dark and surviving in the early days.

I find comments like Amummyatlast very sad unhelpful and boarder line cruel.

No one is prioritising their sleep over their child's safety but as one whose dd was seriously injured after. Driver fell asleep at the wheel it makes me very very angry that people don't take sleep deprivation seriously.

Be a mummy martyr if you choose but keep out of your car please.

Senpai

Brilliant post.

Presumably you could give the baby monitor to your baby so they can still hear their parents breathing and noises to both reassure them and help reduce SIDS risk?

Headofthehive I am horrendous sleeper, awake at the slightest noise. I have worn ear plugs for years or,my husband would have met a grisly end by now.

We put DD in her own room at 5 months. When she was in with us I wore ear plugs too.

FWIW I could and can still hear her through the plugs .

I'm not a mummy marytr and I did already say that if it leads to a dangerous situation that it's fine to weigh up the risks and make an alternative choice. And I know exactly how awful sleep deprivation is, as for the first 6 weeks she wouldn't sleep anywhere but on one of us, meaning I got a grand total of 3-4 hours sleep a night. But I think that if it's (sensibly) within your power to minimise a risk, you should do it.

And re them sleeping better on their own, my understanding is that you don't want them to sleep too deeply, as if they sleep too deeply they might forget how to breathe if they are genetically or developmentally succeptable to that.

Amummyatlast....if you only had 6 weeks of broken sleep and 3-4 hours a night sleep, think yourself lucky! That sounds like heaven to me.

Try it for six months or longer. Then you might think differently. When your sanity is hanging by a thread due to sleep deprivation...hop over to some of sleep threads for a taster....

If only it was 6 weeks...that was just the point when she would allow me to put her down. And for many nights during that 6 weeks I got only 1 hour - 3-4 was on the good nights.

But, like I have already said, if it's serious sleep deprivation, then yes you might need to make another choice.

This thread is awful to read.

DH lost his son to SIDS. It is fucking catastrophic and nigh on impossible to get over (as is the death of any baby/child)

We put babies in car seats because we know its safer than not putting them in one.

I was an 80s baby and never had a car seat; this doesnt make it okay for me to do this with my DCs.

We keep babies in our rooms longer because we know its safer.

We vaccinate them because it is safer than not.

There are plenty of things in this world we cant keep our children safe from, so when there are very basic things we can do to keep them that little bit safer, we do.

Doing so does not mean we need diazepam, as one PP said.

Having said that, DHs DS was in the moses basket at the side of him.

SIDS is most definitely a polite way of saying "We have no idea why your baby died"

Its not the same as suffocating/smothering etc. They are causes of death. SIDS is science (so far) being unable to find any logical reason, and so SIDS is logged as cause of death.

Some people have no risk factors and it happens. Some people have all the risk factors and it doesnt happen.

Its shit.

But sleep deprivation is to be expected when you have a baby. And IME it doesnt seem to matter where they sleep, a screamer no sleeper will still be just that.

Moved mine at 7 months after a lot of handwringing. He'd outgrown his cosleeping cot and his sleeping was horrific, he woke up every half an hour and I was going back to work, was on my knees with exhaustion. He sleeps really well now but we have a video monitor and I wouldn't have moved him sooner.

I don't think it's being a martyr to sleep close tithe baby for the first 6 months, if you believe it might be safer.

Don't most babies wake through the night for a feed or comfort? Isn't it more difficult to keep going to the next room?