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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put baby in the corner?

121 replies

MissTwister · 08/11/2015 13:15

...Or more specifically in her own room before 6 months?

She keeps us awake all night with her little noises and more often than not my husband and I take it in turns to sleep in other room.

We would like to sleep in a bed together again and get some sleep but obviously don't want to put her in danger....

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 08/11/2015 16:19

Goblin it used to be the norm for babies to go straight into their own room but 20 years ago lots more babies died. Read the first paragraph of this page- 80% reduction in sids since the guidelines came out

www.bristol.ac.uk/research/impact-stories/2012/cotdeath.html

redgoldandgreen · 08/11/2015 16:49

I wouldn't but lots of people do. Personally I'm not comfortable with it but then lots of people aren't comfortable with co-sleeping, which I do. Mine have all been between 1 and 2 when they moved out of our room.

Ragwort · 08/11/2015 16:53

Agree with Goblin - not a popular view I know but my DS slept in his own room, and slept through from 7am-7pm (one very quick night feed) from Day 1. Might be sheer good luck, might not be. But it worked for us.

TheExMotherInLaw · 08/11/2015 17:00

Just a thought - if baby needs to hear you, but you don't need to hear every snuffle, how about earplugs? You'd hear her if she wound up a bit, as you would hear from the next room, but might get just a bit of muffling to be able to sleep better.
DS was in with us for the first few weeks, dd only for a few days, but that was in the days when SIDS was rife and no-one knew better.

RockinHippy · 08/11/2015 18:16

Did I misread & the OP doesn't really say we are discussing a 6 month old, but a 6 week old

Or is this another one of those ridiculous threads where a large proportion of posters need a bloody good shake with a reality stick, or a bucketful of soddin diazepam - jeez, the world has gone nuts

Original poster

MissTwister · 08/11/2015 19:34

rockinhippie she's 6 years old.

Not really she's 4 months at moment and was considering moving her probably about 5 months or so

OP posts:

Fratelli · 09/11/2015 06:28

Your baby, your choice. However fwiw, you've made it this far, it's only another 6 weeks until baby is 6mo so I would just wait until then. Even a slight risk of sids isn't worth it imo. Earplugs?

Senpai · 09/11/2015 06:48

DD lasted in my room all of 3 days where I unceremoniously kicked her out to her own room. Oh... did I say her own room? I meant the baby swing in the room next to us where she was constantly rocked every night until she was 8 months old where we co-slept with her and then we put her in the crib surrounded by all manner of soft toys and blankets which are suppose to stay out until they're a year old.

She survived well adjusted into toddler hood, and it wasn't a fluke that she did. If babies were truly so fragile our species would have died off long ago. Babies are much hardier than people give them credit for.

We have another friend who put their newborn in the crib with a big thick blanket. He's doing fine now too.

Do what works best for you and your family. Guidelines are just that.

People forget that the odds of a child actually dying of SIDS are 0.00% it doesn't even make it to that second 0. As PP's have said, you don't see people getting sanctimonious or paranoid about taking your child on a car ride where they're far more likely to die. Some things are good to take precautions with like no blankets or crib bumpers, as those are suffocation hazards.

Flossieflower01 · 09/11/2015 06:52

I don't think the odd of SIDS are 0:00% !! And frankly even if they are low it's such a horrible, irreversible thing to happen that I will do everything I can to lower the risk for MY children because I actually love them enough to put up with some inconveniences.

Senpai · 09/11/2015 07:09

Flossieflower Yawn. Unless you never take them on a bus or car, you're full of shit.

But to answer your questions: In the US 2,500 babies die of SIDS each year vs. 3,900,000 babies born each year. That means 0.0006% of babies die of SIDS. Anti-Vax parents have a more credible statistic and cause for alarm.

But I can play that game too. I actually love my child enough not to be a neurotic parent that will pass my anxiety and insecurities onto them which does far more damage.

LostInMess · 09/11/2015 07:09

I would do what works for you, OP, extreme tiredness can be damaging for all of you and tackling it hardly means you don't love DC enough to put up with any inconveniences . I am currently co-sleeping with my 6-week old. I'd rather not be, due to the increased risk but he wakes up the minute you put him in his own bed (same in the day, I have to carry him in a wrap). It's also the only way I can get enough sleep to ensure I can safely look after my other 3 children, particularly driving them school. That to me would be a greater risk.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 09/11/2015 07:10

My understanding was also that your breathing regulates the baby's so monitor is no help.

How old is she?

That said I put DD (dc1) in her own room at 10 weeks, not knowing the above reason at the time. I realise saying "she was fine" is not actually much help. She made a lot of noise!

With DS (dc 2) I knew the above and we kept him with us til 6 months. However, this was more to do with being in a better place mentally myself (DD had had health issues that had been exhausting) than the difference in knowledge.

It is down to doing what you need to to keep reasonably healthy though. There is an argument to say there is at least as much danger in you being exhausted as in taking a statistically higher risk re SIDS, as you can make mistakes when over tired.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 09/11/2015 07:13

Oh yes I've just remembered, I used earplugs with DS, who was also noisy! Hadn't thought of it with dd.

Dh isn't as much affected by noise and he didn't have earplugs in so that made me happy to switch off a bit.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 09/11/2015 07:17

I have no idea! My 6 year old and 2 year old still sleep in my bed!

Headofthehive55 · 09/11/2015 07:20

I don't think you sleep as soundly again when you have kids, it's as if you are always on guard. I am aware of one dd breathing in a room at the other side of the house. Yet I seemingly need the TV turned up to hear the dialogue. Odd.
Even when another DD is home from uni, the house sounds different at night. Yet pre kids I wouldn't be woken easily at all!
Just you wait til she's going to bed after you, and you can't go to sleep until she's in bed....

ThursdayLastWeek · 09/11/2015 07:25

We moved ds at about four months. He was too big for his Moses basket and sleeping through.

To no ill effect.

Can anyone explain to me why 6mo is the golden number here? What changes between 5months and three weeks old and 6mo that makes a baby more capable of breathing alone?

TrojanWhore · 09/11/2015 07:25

The SIDS guidelines are exactly that. Guidelines.

I broke them. I co-slept.

Just ignoring the guidelines would I think be reckless. Something which reduces the risk from 0.0005% to 0.0004% (not actual figures, but that's about the level of change) needs proper consideration in terms of added safety versus impact on your lives.

'reducing risk' is not a synonym for 'recklessly dangerous if you don't'

mrsjanedoe · 09/11/2015 07:47

My babies all went to their own bedroom around 2 months, so we could all get some sleep. I was planning to keep the first one for 6 months, but it didn't exactly work that way.

Other countries advise at 3 months, so there is no perfect answer.

I did buy them all dummies however, as I also read that they reduce the risk of SIDS. Do what is best for you

HeteronormativeHaybales · 09/11/2015 07:49

Thursday, AIUI the 6 months is because around then is when the SIDS risk becomes a lot lower. It's no more absolute than the 6-month solids guideline is, but it's a good general figure for public info campaigns.

It is not really good for babies to sleep too soundly, not least because of what PPs have posted about baby arousal. Believe me, I understand how exhausting it is - am having very very broken nights with an EBF 6-week-old in a bedside cot atm. But, quite apart from the risks, it would, tbh, feel not right not to have her with me. The first three months are the 'fourth trimester' due to humans needing to birth sooner than is ideal because of the combination of narrow pelvises and big brains.

Aliceinwonderlust · 09/11/2015 07:50

We did it from 5 m. Granted that's not much different to 6. We were disturbing each other and in my
Sleep deprived state I was picking her up and feeding her with every mumur. She was well able to sleep through but I wouldn't let her, ha ha

OrchardDweller · 09/11/2015 07:55

Headofthehive55 - so true

My DS and DD went into their own rooms the day they arrived home from hospital. They managed to continue breathing and it didn't mean that I loved them any less. Their needs were met promptly. We all survived and they're great sleepers. Not to say that we didn't worry about SIDS but then it was all about buying a new mattress for each baby and not over heating them (The Back to Sleep Campaign had just started)

Headofthehive55 · 09/11/2015 08:21

I think it's possibly important that you hear your baby? One of mine alerted me with her unusual fast breathing rate in the middle of one night....she had the sort of temp that may lead to fitting...glad I was able to hear her.

P1nkP0ppy · 09/11/2015 08:31

Mine were in a separate room by 6 weeks old, in a cot with a bumper and duvet (and soft toys probably)
This was 35+ years ago and they survived somehow......

If a baby's sleeping too soundly how on earth do you know? I was just thankful to get any sleep!

NerrSnerr · 09/11/2015 09:02

The whole 'my baby went into their own room at a day old and was fine' stuff frustrates me. Of course, the chances are is that they will be. In the 1980s approx 2000 children died of sids and since they have started raising awareness/ guidelines it has reduced to under 300. That of course includes everything, back to sleep, not smoking, bed sharing, not over heating etc. SIDS is very rare but the outcome is so catastrophically bad that I want to do everything I could in my power to stop it from happening. I'd hate knowing I didn't do everything I could to keep them safe.

As a child I would often go in the car without a seatbelt and I'm fine. Does that mean I won't strap my child in?

OrchardDweller · 09/11/2015 09:35

Your children's life will be a balance of risk and as a parent it's up to you how you perceive it and how you deal with it. What I find exhausting is the constant hand wringing, guilt tripping that seems to go on now. My children were born in the 1990s and of course we worried about all sorts of thing but what we didn't have was the internet and other parents saying things like "if you don't do this then you can't love them enough" or "if you don't follow the guidelines to the letter then you're a bad mother". Try common sense or your own instinct.

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