Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put baby in the corner?

121 replies

MissTwister · 08/11/2015 13:15

...Or more specifically in her own room before 6 months?

She keeps us awake all night with her little noises and more often than not my husband and I take it in turns to sleep in other room.

We would like to sleep in a bed together again and get some sleep but obviously don't want to put her in danger....

OP posts:
DorotheaHomeAlone · 09/11/2015 09:41

I'm also frustrated by the anecdote as data going on here. Yes, most babies will be fine. Moving them at four or five months is not a huge risk. 87% of SIDS deaths occur in unsafe sleeping environments so if they're in a cot with appropriate bedding the risks are small. As a parent it's up to you to balance risk/practicality all day every day.

However, my baby was fine is meaningless. SIDS is the number one cause of death for babies aged 1 month to 1 year (not car accidents). The guidelines introduced since many posters here had children have saved lives and are not silly whims to be dismissed.

rallytog1 · 09/11/2015 09:59

Ultimately you do what's right for your family. Read the guidelines, look at the stats and make your own judgments. There will be things you do that are far more risky to your baby statistically than moving them to their own room. Don't be guilt tripped either way.

Dexterjamesmummy · 09/11/2015 10:18

I believe that SIDS occurs for many reasons we are unaware of, I think it's more likely to be genetic than anything else. I'm not convinced by the Back to Sleep campaign really, my little girl is 7 months old and has been happiest sleeping on her front for months. We also co sleep (I tried having her in the moses basket but she wasn't having any of it!), she loves a pillow but kicks the duvet off.
Yes I'm doing a lot of what they tell you not to! 18 months ago I found my little boy dead in his cot (he'd been asleep 90 minutes), he was 12 months and 25 days. The autopsy showed we had a perfect little boy, completely healthy nobody could understand why it had happened, I still don't understand it, further tests revealed a genetic mutation in his heart. A genetic mutation that we have since found out I also have yet I'm still here, things just went terribly wrong for him that night and following all the guidelines did nothing to help.

hibbleddible · 09/11/2015 10:21

see you Isis online is a rather unfortunate website name!

BumWad · 09/11/2015 11:39

Dexter Flowers

ouryve · 09/11/2015 11:44

We moved DS1 at about the same age. None of us were getting any sleep as our every turn would wake him up (he still has acutely sensitive hearing) and he was starting to climb, so needed to be put into his massive, deep cotbed for safety.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 09/11/2015 12:11

I am avery light sleeper, i just couldn't sleep with them in the room, i was awake all night analysing EVERY snuffle they made, is the start of hunger, will they be awake soon, will i need to proper get up etc.
Maybe you could put the baby monitor the wrong way round, so the baby can hear you all night, as lets be honest you can hear baby screams through bedroom walls :)

Headofthehive55 · 09/11/2015 12:32

Just wondered for those of you who can't sleep because of baby, how do you manage with your husband breathing? Surely they make more noise?

WhatstheT · 09/11/2015 12:36

Most of my friends put their children in their room at 6 months or earlier, as long as you have a monitor and you're happy with room temp why not.

I think they recommend 6 months or older, but recommendations change all the time.

Our 10 month old is still in our room and looks to be set to be there for a long time, lots of health problems, coughing, multiple night wakings, but we both stay in the room with her and get at least a few hours kip each.

If it works for you and baby is a good settler why not :) I'd be a nervous wreck though, I regularly pop up and have a look when my daughter is wriggling/snuffling to check on her.

The only issue I could see is if you have the monitor, which you need, you will still hear the noises, but you won't see her unless you get a video one, so you'll equally be checking up...

bonzo77 · 09/11/2015 12:41

dexter so sad for your loss.

SIDS is a diagnosis of exclusion. If a cause is found, be it a congenital heart defect or suffocation, then by definition it was not SIDS. I thinks it's important to make this distinction.

There Is no known cause for it, only risk factors. Sleeping in another room from the parent (mother?) is one of many. As seen in the statistics a proportion of those sadly affected were in the parents room.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake · 09/11/2015 12:42

As far as I know the SIDS risk actually starts dropping dramatically from 4 months. You might have some more protective factors such as a term baby, or being breast-fed. Also the strict put to sleep on their back advice becomes somewhat pointless when they can roll. I remember panicking when DS decided he would sleep on his tummy from about 8months. I crazily turned him onto his back when he was sound asleep (of course he then turned back on his tummy when he woke, repeat for some very tiring nights until I gave in). DS only went in his own room when he decided he hated the (size of the) co-sleeper by 7 months, but he napped by himself in his own room since he outgrew the moses basket (about 3 months).

Lilipot15 · 09/11/2015 12:43

I actually found that the monitor amplified those snuffly and other noises and would make me jump and then struggle to get back off to sleep.
This is a phase which will pass. I'm keeping my baby in with me for safety reasons and because I'm lazy and don't like getting up to go into another room in the middle of the night!

WhatstheT · 09/11/2015 12:51

Lilipot15

Agree, we've had to use our monitor a couple of times, it's a decent priced video one.. it mutes unless there is a sound, but once baby makes a sound you have the background hiss/echo, plus whatever sound baby makes. And if she's stirring the hissing/microphone noise can be on and off all the time.

And yes to the laziness! with the amount of wakings my DD has I couldn't imagine leaving the room. From needing a dummy, a reassuring hand, a cuddle, or milk... I'm always up and down :)

minipie · 09/11/2015 13:56

Headofthehive no, DH is a far far quieter sleeper than my grunty wriggly snuffly newborns. And he's a light sleeper so if he does start snoring I can nudge him and he'll turn over and stop snoring. I couldn't have married a noisy sleeper!

GreenPetal94 · 09/11/2015 15:29

It is not that at exactly 6 months something changes, it is a guide.

My eldest moved into their own room at 3-4 months, or when they stopped the middle of night feed.

It is a much better set up for rekindling your sex life.

starkers1 · 09/11/2015 15:49

Rainbow it is not a "guide" it is advice supported by facts, from the leading charity on infant death, as well as the NHS. Dot be so flippant. But great advice to prioritise "rekindling your sex life" over the well being of your baby.

For those interested, this is from sidsandkids-

Evidence
Several studies have shown that when a committed caregiver sleeps in the same room, but not
the same bed with their baby, the chance of the baby dying from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is reduced by up to 50% when compared to babies sleeping in a separate bedroom (solitary sleeping).

Parents who room-share may become aware of potentially dangerous situations such as the babyrolling into the tummy position or bedclothes covering the face and head or baby movement or distress. Studies of night-time mother-baby interactions have demonstrated that compared to mothers who sleep apart from their babies, babies and mothers who sleep in close proximity demonstrate increased physical contact, more breastfeeding episodes and increased arousals, with babies initiating most of these mother-baby interactions, suggesting a relatively high responsivity by the mother.

Pyjamaramadrama · 09/11/2015 15:56

I would most certainly not put a baby in their own room and personally I kept mine in with me until 12 months.

Being close to you helps to regulate their breathing and decreases the risk of sids.

It's all very well people saying they did it and we're fine but that's hardly evidence based is it?

Epilepsyhelp · 09/11/2015 15:56

How does it work though when you put the baby to bed way earlier than you so you're not in the room with them for a few hours then?

Ttc atm so sorry for the ignorance!

Pyjamaramadrama · 09/11/2015 15:58

Rekindling your sex life? Did I really just read that?

Yes prioritise noisy sex over the babies well being.

PeasinPod1 · 09/11/2015 16:02

I loved having DS with me for 1st 7 months. The newborn stage goes so quickly so my advice- just suck it up, put babies needs first and enjoy it.

Was also personally glad to have him there as an excuse NOT to have to "rekindle my sex life"... was the last thing I felt like doing Shock

NerrSnerr · 09/11/2015 16:04

Epilepsy- our daughter stayed with us downstairs until we went to bed. She tended just to nap on us until we went to bed.

waitingforsomething · 09/11/2015 16:17

Both have mine have gone in at 6 weeks. They were (ds still is) grunters and snorters and dh and I are both terrible terrible light sleepers. In order for me to be physically able to care for them I needed a small amount of sleep between feeds and this is the only way I got it.

Headofthehive55 · 09/11/2015 16:25

Mine was kept downstairs with me until bedtime. Snuffly grunty noises, goes all misty eyed. Ah lovely.

Although when my first was tiny, I rang DH who was working away, in the middle of the night to tell him I thought we'd had burglars as I could hear noises....( quite what I thought he'd do about it I don't know) but then realised it was DD rubbing her hand on her Moses basket. Blush

Lostcat2 · 09/11/2015 16:28

I think it's totally up to you op. Every parent is different.

And I am eternally grateful that the internet didn't exist until my youngest was 5.

My oldest born in 1989 was subjected to sleeping on his front and never ever on the back and it was commen advice to tuck your baby into your bed with you.

Do what's best for your baby and your family set up.

And yes actually re kindling a sex life doesn't make you a bad mother. Seriously people.

Pyjamaramadrama · 09/11/2015 16:35

Just because people did lots of things in the past that 'never did them any harm'. Doesn't mean that we shouldn't follow updated advice.

People were advised to smoke once upon a time, doesn't mean that it's a good idea.

We know a lot more these days.