To maintain an unhealthy BMI?

[AliceScarlett]

Anything between 16.5 and 18.5 is OK with me, for me. I won't let it get above 18.5.
I have not noticed any physical health problems (apart from being bloody freezing all the time). I don't look emaciated and I eat healthy food, but about 1300 cals a day.

DH disagrees, he worries and thinks I'm "being anorexic" and is concerned about how it might effect my fertility (we are going to start ttc in 6 months).

I think I'm fine and BMI isn't the be all and end all of healthy weights anyway.

I missed the part about you wanting to have a baby in the future. I take back what I said earlier, it is something you need to address. Ask a gp to refer you to a psychotherapist. We could all do with a few hours! I always hate going to the gp when I need to be referred on. They are so sceptical. It's not great. But it's the gateway to the right help.

I get the need for numbers and bars that you can't go over. WHy don't you use that, give yourself permission to eat precisely 1450 cals a day, and see where that settles. If obeying the rule is what keeps you on a level, stick to that.

I feel in control underweight

There you are. You DO have an ED, your rational brain knows this, but you are in denial.

If you don't think your GP can help, do at least investigate the support of the charities listed above e.g. BEAT

You shouldn't be hungry on a 600 calorie dinner by 10pm. And you know it's bad for you.

Please don't ignore that someone you love, who loves you - whose babies you want to bear in the future - is concerned for your health.

I can't comment on the mental health side of this thread, but in terms of the number of calories you need, can I recommend you find a TDEE calculator online (IIFYM or Scoobys are both quite good) and use that to work out the calories you would need to survive if you were absolutely still all day in bed. If this is less than 1300 (which I suspect it will be!) then you are eating too little. These calculators can also give you a pretty accurate reading of what you should be eating to maintain your weight based on your activity level.

I suspect you'll say that you would/have put weight on if you ate what the calculator tells you is maintenance. That may well be true as you have likely been eating at a deficit for so long that your body has adapted and now only needs the amount of calories you have been giving it as it has started starvation mode. This can be rectified though by reverse dieting. Look into that and then even if you insist on staying at an underweight BMI, you will eventually be able to eat more to maintain this number and it might help you feel a little less cold and exhausted.

I've got a BMI of 16.5 and have had 3 children, I only put on about a stone each time and lost it instantly. That might help you not worry too much about losing the weight afterwards?

I'm different in that I've never weighed more than I do (7 stone 5lbs at 5ft 4" for 30 years). I think you can function quite happily at that weight, I run, do yoga, walk loads etc but I'm naturally like that and eat until I'm full.

Your daily diet isn't a lot less than I eat but I don't control mine and have no idea how many calories I consume.

You do need some good fat in your diet though just looking at your list.

food is for nutrition and taste. If it is ruling your life, there's a problem.

please think hard about whether it is wise to get pregnant while food is ruling your life.

I don't know if you have an eating disorder or not. A fear of being a healthy weight seems a bit odd to me (especially if you are going to be TTC soon). You do realise that you will put on weight during pregnancy right?

I don't really think about my BMI, but I like to keep my weight within a certain range (I'm 5'4" and I'm happy with any weight between 8 stone and 9 stone). My 'default' weight (the weight that has most consistently come up when I've weighed myself over the past 20 years) is 8 stone 4.

I've never actually been on a diet. I did once kept a food diary for a month as part of a scientific study. I naturally eat around 1500 calories per day, which apparently is a lot less than some people on this thread believe I need to survive.

I'd have a think about increasing your activity level (this should allow you to eat more calories - and hopefully feel less hungry - without putting on a large amount of weight).

The fact that you know your BMI is a worry to start with. Most people with a healthy relationship to food would have no idea of their BMI. It sounds as if you do need some sort of professional help.

It does sound like you have at least disordered eating, if not an actual eating disorder.

I'm quite similar to you and I call myself a 'functioning anorexic' (but that's after several years of being a decidedly unfunctioning anorexic so possibly a bit different).

I eat 1000-1200 calories a day in order to maintain an underweight BMI of 17-17.4 (any lower than 17 and I don't function very well and start to look visibly anoreixc and anything over 17.4 meant, until recently, that I would lose my anorexic 'label' [eyeroll] ) The DSM has now dropped the 'BMI below 17.5' criterion for anorexia diagnosis though so, even at 18.5, you could be diagnosed with it.

Regarding periods and fertility, everyone is different. I don't lose my period until my BMI hits 14ish and I got pregnant at a BMI of 14.5. My BMI didn't go above 16.5 even at 7 months pregnant. But my DD1 was born 6 weeks early and was only 4.5lb. She still looks about 9 at nearly 13, is underweight herself and has disordered eating/an eating disorder already. I find it very difficult to face what I've done to her.

So, while I don't think it's impossible to conceive while underweight, I would consider gaining a bit if you can.

The fact that you know your BMI is a worry to start with. Most people with a healthy relationship to food would have no idea of their BMI.
Piffle
Those of us trying to avoid middle age spread find an understanding of TDEE utterly essential in understanding the reduction in calorie needs
and BMI is so easy to check online now

I dunno, I know what my BMI is at 16.5 and worry (know) that it is too low, I just don't have a huge appetite to it's not necessarily worrying to know what it is.

I also find that whole thing of 'needing' 1700-2000 calories a day very peculiar as it's not taking into account the activity level of the person which varies massively and has a big impact on calories required.

I'm very active but don't get hungrier unfortunately.

My 15 year old daughter recently confided in me that she'd been bulimic for the last 2 years. She's stopped making herself sick now (she says - and I hope to god she's telling me the truth) and is now "just" anorexic.

She got this from me.

smillas everything has been logged by the barcodes so it should be correct.
2 bacon medallions 90 cals
1 egg 90
Tomatoes 50

Caeser salad kit + 70g grilled chicken 290

M&S pork dinner ready meal 288

Stilton 20g and two Jacobs savours 150

Lindt choc 300

About 1250?

Talkin would you happen to have a good link to TDEE to hand? I know you know your stuff!

Kangen
THis one
thefastdiet.co.uk/how-many-calories-on-a-non-fast-day/
seems to be pretty accurate for most people

So my TDEE is what I should be eating?

Yup,
It takes into account your age, height, weight and activity level

so shows the drop in demand as you age
and lose weight
and shows how few extra calories are really used by getting ripped

Thank you very much Talkin

I like TDEE because its such an utter revelation for so many people.

The 2000 on the side of the cereal packet was the result of a time and motion study of a 5'6" housewife in her 30's just after WW2

it is right for her, but not for the rest of us

Bloody hell its worked mine out at 2145 a day. I'd be a total bloater if I ate that :-)

According to my Fitbit I burn 2800 cals a day on average, my BMI is 18.5 roughly and I am a steady weight so I presume I'm eating 2800 cals too. I don't calorie count, just eat nutritious stuff and the odd treat.

The point is that you can be slim and healthy AND eat plenty. It's about being fit and exercising, rather than being obsessive, fearful and depriving yourself.

Mine is 1662, I think I would struggle to eat that much although I've only ever made a half hearted attempt at recording what I ate for any given day.

I top up with Complan etc and still can't eat enough! OP is trying to not eat though which is a worry.

My TDEE is 1631 - given I don't do any fast days, I'm guessing my typical intake of around 1500 calories per day isn't far off what it should be (which presumably explains why my weight is stable). Oh, and my BMI is 19.9 - I presume that is in the 'normal' range.

Mine TDEE is 1999 which fits with the Fitbit

Sorry doesn't fit with the FitBit calculation.