To maintain an unhealthy BMI?

[AliceScarlett]

Anything between 16.5 and 18.5 is OK with me, for me. I won't let it get above 18.5.
I have not noticed any physical health problems (apart from being bloody freezing all the time). I don't look emaciated and I eat healthy food, but about 1300 cals a day.

DH disagrees, he worries and thinks I'm "being anorexic" and is concerned about how it might effect my fertility (we are going to start ttc in 6 months).

I think I'm fine and BMI isn't the be all and end all of healthy weights anyway.

Today I've had
Poached egg, bacon, tomatoes
Large chicken caeser salad
2 crackers with Stilton
Pork loin, new potatoes, cabbage, carrots, gravy.
6 squares of Lindt
And that only came to 1250 cals

I don't think I do have anorexia because I know I'm not fat

Anorexia is not about thinking you are fat. It's about control, controlling what you eat, what you weigh, your relationship with food, using not eating to feel empowered, often because you have little control other areas of your life

Sounds like you need to be in a better place before you try to become pregnant.

Seems less or more? I put it into my fitness pal...so its quite a good estimate.

But you ate 1800 over the summer and I'm assuming you didn't gain weight?

You have a disordered relationship to food and your weight.

Your DH is right that this may well affect your fertility.

Eating disorders are not all about absolute weight, they are about anxiety, the need to control something if life (even if it is just weight/calory intake).
You are likely malnourished in micronutrients and at risk of osteoporosis.

You being so ultra-aware what you eat/how much you weigh is not a healthy relationship with food or your body.

I'd suggest you speak to your GP and explore what services are available in your area for support and counselling to address whatever is underlying this.

OP, from what you've said here you meet many of the criteria for a diagnosis of anorexia. You are severely restricting your caloric intake due to a fear of becoming fat, and refusing to maintain a healthy BMI. If you lose any more weight it's very likely that your periods will stop, and you would be unable to conceive.
Please see your GP and ask for help. No one will try to make you fat, I promise. But there's a real risk of long-term harm if you continue down this road, and you deserve better than that.

Catwithflowers, ouch

I would say you have at the very least a problem around food, if not an actual eating disorder. Why would it matter if your BMI was, say, 20.

Slice of toast 100 cals
Apple 50
Ham salad/soup 300 max
Small portion dinner 300
Snacks 200
So 950.

Unless you're drenching your salad in olive oil, or eating high fat things with your dinner, cheese, oils etc you're underestimating.

Sorry but sounds like an e d to me. Try adding some protein to your breakfast. if you are going to try for a baby you got to change your attiude to food. i would say you need more veggies, protein, carbs and even a bit of fat. You shouldn t be going to bed hungry. I think you are craving sugar? Hence the sugar hit of raisins and cookies at night. It might be your body is out of wack and needs some more low G I carbs before bed. also add in a bit of fat.

Good luck and get some medical advice

An obesity clinic would give you 1600 cals a day - and that's to lose weight.

I gained a bit eating 1800 but once it hit 18.5 I took it down again.

ED services won't take people with my BMI I don't think. I know I'm'yes, butting' here. That's annoying.

Part of me thinks that maybe some of you are right and I'm more anorexic than I thought, part of me thinks its fine. Truth or denial, idk.

Appreciate all the replies though.

Another anorexia veteran here, and I agree that most anorexics know that they're not fat. yeOldeTrout sums it up perfectly.

OP, I wouldn't diagnose anorexia on the internet on the basis of someone's BMI. But, quite honestly, you are describing disordered eating and a disordered attitude to your body. I lived on 1000-1200 calories for years and years. I was definitely anorexic, even though I was menstruating for part of that time and not painfully underweight (though that came). But the obsessive element and the concern with not losing control are troubling.

You have just lost a lot of weight and I understand why you don't want to put it back on; but rather than thinking you can maintain a lifetime diet, could you use this time to do some work on developing a more healthy attitude to food and your body? You need to address this now, before pregnancy throws a curve ball into your situation.

Take it from those of us who have been there, there are three ways out of anorexia:

1. You die. (Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.)

1. Your control snaps and you pile on the weight. I put on 4 stone in 4 months, which was hugely traumatic on an emaciated body with weakened organs. Many anorexics at this point become bulimic, in a desperate attempt to regain the control they have lost. It is a humiliating and lonely experience.

1. You carry on like this. For ever. Weak and cold and obsessed with food. Aren't you bored with thinking about food? Wouldn't it be nice to give some of that energy and interest to other things?

You don't want to do be doing any of these things while bearing and raising children. Please do consider getting some help now, so you can get your mind and body in tip-top condition before motherhood. These people can help: www.b-eat.co.uk/?gclid=CJ75ndqS-sgCFQs6GwodyRIJwQ

Its largely irrelevant how many calories you eat, what you weigh and how many you burn.

What matters is that you have a very unhealthy attitude towards food, eating, and control of those things. Anorexia nervosa is disordered eating, which is very apparent from your posts. Controlling your intake and/or expenditure of calories to such a degree is not normal and aiming to maintain an artificially low BMI is not normal. It potentially will impact your bone health, heart health and fertility.

Do you make yourself vomit, or use laxatives?

Im not sure how your daily food diary comes to only 1250 cals Turnoff Wouldnt the dressing on a chicken ceasar salad be loads of cals alone? And cheese, and chocolate?

I think you need to find a balance in your relationship with food, because you don't have one at the moment. It is more of a health risk to be somewhat underweight than somewhat overweight, and at 2 point below healthy BMI you are really quite underweight. Wanting to be healthy is great, but you need to make peace with having a BMI in the healthy range - for yourself and for the child you want to have.

FWIW it is possible to shift weight gained in pregnancy, I did it both times within about 2 months just through eating healthily (needed to because of breastfeeding) and staying active (lots of going out carrying baby in a sling, on foot everywhere).

I wouldn't lose on 1600 a day, mostly because I'm not overweight.

Maybe I am under estimating calories, homemade dinner I log as 600, risotto has creme freiche, rice, cheese, etc.

Could you bear to not calorie count?
Or to just not know what your weight is?
And to eat whatever you fancy when you fancy it (within reason )?

If you can answer 'yes' to those three questions, you are unlikely to have a problem wrt your relationship to food or your weight.

If specialist ED services will not see you in your are, then see what 'generic' counselling is available.
As catwithflowers said problems with eating are not about weight or calories, they are about control and managing anxiety.

If you find the thought of gaining weight/changing shape in pregnancy 'scary', please address all this now before you are pregnant.

Sorry I should clarify that I meant your disordered eating is apparent from your posts, not necessarily that you have anoxia nervosa. I wouldn't dream of trying to "diagnose" someone online! But I do think you need to see your GP.

You say when you were eating 1800 calories over the summer you enjoyed not being hungry. Does that mean you're hungry all the time now?

I'm shorter than you and I don't think that's anywhere near enough food to maintain health. Please don't get pregnant while you're so underweight - pregnancy is a roller coaster for even people with healthy food habits and body image and breast feeding caused me huge hunger surges. You are too thin, and if you get pregnant and can't handle the weight gain it won't be good for your baby. [I've been treated for eating disorders as a young adult and never felt so challenged as when I was expecting and bf'g both DC]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound unkind. I'm speaking as someone whose default position to stress is to control how many calories I consume, how much exercise I do, to chart it all methodically, to have a 'good weight day' ie a happy day and a 'bad weight day' which means I feel awful about myself. When I am emotionally secure and feeling happy, food takes a back step and I eat normally and don't bother with all the calorie counting rubbish.

I do think you need to think carefully about your husband's concerns. It's admirable that you lost 4 stone in a year, that's a great achievement. Obsession with food is not healthy though. . Best of luck

Here's another thought: do you exercise? Do you feel strong? Confident?
I'd hate feeling cold all the times because I was not providing enough fuel to my body to function properly.

Speak to your GP, they can arrange for some blood tests and hopefully offer some advice on what might be available for you locally.

What is your build?
Are your knees bigger than your thighs : in that case you are underweight
Are your elbows bigger than your upper arms : in that case you are underweight.
Is the shape of your pelvis visible across the back of your hips : in that case you are underweight

BUT

YABVU to post on AIBU to expect people to tell you exactly what you want to hear

when we all know that BMI is merely a proxy for body fat
and reproductive health is down to much more than that

Don't vom or use laxatives.

I can see how the mental control side of it is more indicative of an ED than my actual BMI. Helps to know most anorexics are aware they are not fat. I am scared if getting fat again.

I don't want to die or pile it all on...its the middle ground that I'm maybe not. hitting.... But I'm miles away from death!