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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU: friend wants my husband to pay for own suit to be best man

98 replies

Sayyousayme007 · 04/11/2015 13:33

Hello,
Our friend is getting married and my husband is his best man which is a lovely request, however, the wedding is at distance and he has been asked to pay for the chosen suit. AIBU In that we are paying already for the hotel, gift and travel to think that's excessive?
TIA

OP posts:

Senpai · 05/11/2015 03:16

We had everyone pay for themselves at our wedding. The highest rental cost we had was $60 (and that was the groom's tux) with a group discount if we went with the planner's rental places she had deals with, and they had a year to save that up. (It's also in the US where renting nice clothes for special occasions up to and including school formal dances is very common). But we did give them all a place to stay for the night if they were flying in.

So.. I guess it depends on if:

They were upfront about the cost when asking.
How much these rentals/suits cost.

noeffingidea · 05/11/2015 07:45

I saw this on one of those wedding programnes from the US once. The bride chose $300 dresses that her bridesmaids had to pay for, then ordered them all to have french manicures and 'updos' at their own expense.There were about 8 of them and they all agreed.

Katkincake · 05/11/2015 07:51

We get married next year and are paying for all the morning suit hire and bridesmaids (my nieces) things (dress, shoes, accessories), including hair and make up and my sisters & mums too.

At one stage there was talk of the men (4) buying suits from ted baker which were about 250-300 each, I don't know what we'd have done then as would have been a lot more than suit hire (£110), maybe put that towards it, but they buy the rest?

Thankfully they've decided that they want to wear morning suits instead so we haven't had to face that conundrum, plus it means our dads can also wear the same now too as they didn't want ted baker suits.

I totally agree that the bride & groom need to pay for everything if they want someone to do a specific role and wear a particular thing. It's so rude to expect otherwise.

bronnie98 · 05/11/2015 07:58

YANBU - they are! God this type of thing makes me cross!

I was a bridesmaid for a friend. She bought the dresses very cheaply from tk Max, she asked us to buy the shoes then sent a pic of some that cost double what the dress did! Mother friend was so cross she found some similar cheap shoes and said we'd only agree if we were buying those ones. After the wedding she asked for the dresses back to sell them. Some people are shameless.

MythicalKings · 05/11/2015 08:03

Of course the B & G pay.

We had a top hat and tails do and would have paid for the suit hire and the bridesmaids' dresses, accessories and flowers.

All males involved already owned a pair of black shoes but had they not we would have paid. Adult bridesmaids already had white sandals but we bought for the little ones.

Some of the groomsmen insisted on paying for their own suit hire but we certainly didn't ask. Some other male guests rather fancied the idea of top hat and tails so paid for their own, which was lovely and quite laugh for the photos.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 05/11/2015 08:06

We paid for everything our best man and bridesmaids needed. And I mean EVERYTHING. If you can't afford it, delay the wedding until you can. You can't expect others to cough up.

Slugonthewindow · 05/11/2015 08:13

I paid for my bridesmaid's dress which she kept and reused, the shoes (that were expensive that she picked) and her accommodation. A little while later she stopped speaking to me completely. Oh how I love looking at my wedding photos now, not awkward or sad at all. (Btw it's not the money that bothers me, it's the loss of friendship that was tossed aside)

Anyway, I agree about paying if you're choosing. I personally would contribute if I could. Like I'll buy the shoes or a bag or something. Or I'd offer to pay for hair or something as part of wedding gift but that's just me.

Bunbaker · 05/11/2015 08:18

I am saddened at the way so many brides to be become bridezillas these days.

When I got married my mum made my dress. The best man wore whatever suit he already had and my sister, who was bridesmaid, wore a suit of her own choosing because I wanted her to have something she could wear again. She was newly graduated without a job and still living at home so my mum paid for the suit.

Why do so many brides to be insist on matchy matchy unnecessary trivialities these days? No-one cares or notices.

TheGruffaloFish · 05/11/2015 08:29

We paid for bridesmaids dress, hair and shoes. DH bought them a matching necklace. I chose three colours and told the bridesmaids they could choose any dress/skirt&bodice from a selection within the same range and to please agree on a colour (they threw the colour choice back at me as they said they were happy with all three!). They actually all decided on the same combination of skirt/bodice, but I was happy for them to have different styles as they are all rather different shapes! We also paid for accommodation for the night before and after, but not travel.

I have absolutely no idea what happened about the best man and ushers, I suspect PIL paid for BIL and the ushers wore something they already had. I would have to go and look through our wedding photos to see

If it's a specific suit, then I think they should pay. If they are just asking him to wear a generic suit then I think it's ok that your DH wears one he already has/can borrow/rent or buys one.

Toughasoldboots · 05/11/2015 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whois · 05/11/2015 08:52

My friend has been a bridesmaid 3 times this summer and attended 2 more weddings as a guest. She had to buy her own dress or part buy it for all of them and didn't get a choice of dresses. Two weddings were abroad. All except one needed at least one day of annual leave.

She added up everything she had spent on attending other people's celebrations and it came to just over £5k...!

middlings · 05/11/2015 09:20

spritefairy, I'm with budgie. It doesn't matter if it was a fiver or five hundred. The point is that you said: I had a budget wedding and a way of keeping costs down was bridesmaids and groomsmen paid for own clothes.

That's not keeping costs down, it's just getting someone else to stump up! It's not a problem if that's the expectation from the beginning, but let's be honest about it. You kept the cost of the wedding to YOU down, not the cost of the wedding.

Floggingmolly · 05/11/2015 09:25

Well said, middlings

budgiegirl · 05/11/2015 09:57

You kept the cost of the wedding to YOU down, not the cost of the wedding

Well said, middlings. I'd have loved to have had lots of bridesmaids, but I wouldn't dream of asking my friends to pay for it. So I had my adult sister and my child niece, and paid for everything they needed.

spritefairy If you genuinely wouldn't care how your bridesmaids were dressed (ie one in a blue trouser suit, one in a red dress etc) as long as they had a tiny bit of fuschia, well, then I guess that's just about borderline ok. I still think they may feel under pressure to buy something more 'bridesmaidy' though, even if they are putting this pressure on themselves.

However, that's not what you said, you stated they could wear anything they wanted as long as it was fuchsia pink. What did they end up wearing, just out of interest?

BeanGirls · 05/11/2015 10:57

The only way it's acceptable is if it's in leu of a gift to them for the wedding. I was one of four bridesmaids and we bought our own dresses, it was our contribution to the wedding.

squoosh · 05/11/2015 10:59

If bride and groom want a bridesmaid and best man well then they should pay! But if they're on a very strict budget it would be a nice gesture if he offered to pay for his own suit hire.

But to actually buy a suit? No.

Dollymixtureyumyum · 05/11/2015 11:24

My best friend is getting married next year and I am the chief bridesmaid. I have offered to pay for my dress as I know how expensive weddings are having done it before. At my wedding 5 years ago she offered to pay for hers as did the other 2 bridesmaids and since then they have for married and where bridesmaids and I paid for my dress.
All the dress were about the 60 quid mark and over time it has worked really well.

Original poster

Sayyousayme007 · 05/11/2015 13:18

Thanks for all your replies. The chosen suit is a fairly standard suit, to match the groom's. My husband doesn't actually have a suit (not long since we left uni) so it'll be one he can use again. I still think it's a big ask on top of all the other costs of the wedding (hotel, gift, travel)

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 05/11/2015 16:49

Please make them something handmade for their gift. Something handmade and a bit shit that you demand they display in their home. Maybe a pair of badly hand painted wine glasses?

HorseyCool · 05/11/2015 16:52

I think that you either buy or hire a suit or let people choose their own.

Zucker · 05/11/2015 17:00

Keeping your wedding budget down by having other people pay for it. People have no shame.

The endless cheeky fucker bridezilla threads on here, that's YOU they're writing about you know!

whois · 05/11/2015 18:09

Keeping your wedding budget down by having other people pay for it. People have no shame.

That was why my friends had their wedding abroad, because it was so much cheaper. Yes, for you it was cheaper, not for the 50 guests who had to buy flights and pay for accommodation and take time off work FFS

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/11/2015 19:00

I am saddened at the way so many brides to be become bridezillas these days

You and me both

As an old gimmer it fascinating how some have gone from B&G/parents pay for the lot - to "it's nice if bridesmaids, etc, offer to chip in - to it's expected that they pay for themselves. Entitlement, much??

I'm only waiting for suggestions that others pay for the service, photos and flowers too; I'd mention the meal, but "cover your plate's" already raised it's ugly head there

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