To sometimes feel like a brusque tweedy old lady on MN

[Imogentlasting]

I'm not that old, but some of the views on here really astound me. No one touch my child (on a thread I started); Christmas is just for me and my little unit, no relatives allowed; how dare an elderly person park in a P&T space; etc etc etc

AIBU to sometimes think the world is slowly going mad?

'Do you think it is because people can hide behind a screen name?'

Absolutely. Anonymity makes people's rage levels ratchet from 1 - Extremely Pissed Off in no time at all.

I'm sure anonymity has a lot to do with it, on the Internet. But the attitudes we're regretting are probably a symptom of the stress of a growing population and living on top of one another.

My DM always looks askance at my not "knowing" my neighbours - but she grew up with her nearest neighbour probably ten minutes walk away. I had to explain to her how drawbridge-y one feels living just feet away from a niehgbour's front for. I guess the stress of too many people too close is changing us as human beings.

Too many typos - sorry!

I'm in. Tweeds & all.

Fiderer I nearly choked on my tea at that pic!

I do think though, that all this is highlighted on MN and it isn't quite so bad out in the real world. I can still, on the whole, make a daft comment and smile at someone and get something back, I can still touch a baby's hand and not be frozen out. I just pick very very carefully who I do this to because I get a vibe. Shame really. Perhaps it needs to snow for a month and we can all get back our great british spirit helping each other.

Every now and again I am taken aback by the rudeness and nastiness of some people but also every now and again I have the cockles of my heart warmed by others.

Right there with you Fiderer.

What we need is my long-departed Great Aunt Jean. A formidable lady in corsets and tweeds - she makes the women in the pictures look as gentle as kittens.

She was a stand-no-nonsense, get-up-and-get-on-with-it person. What she would have to say about a lot of the prevailing attitudes on MN I dread to think.

I suspect a lot of people hide behind a screen and wouldn't actually say or do half the things they say they would.

And when did people become so precious?

Not wanting family to visit for weeks after they give birth? When my children were born it was the norm for close family to visit in the next few days after arriving home.

Of course there may be cases with certain family members where this is more understandable but I have read so many threads where people want to wait a week, sometimes more, before anyone can see their baby as they need time to bond as a family.

Never happens in my real world. We all managed to bond while having visitors We just got on with it, no 'baby moon' in my world.

And why are so many people incapable of telling a poster they are being unreasonable without putting them down? Where is empathy gone? We have some amazing people on MN who offer great support but bloody hell, some people just love tearing others up.

It's not my world anymore!! I'm 34

Alwayshope (sorry for late reply), it's funny because by Spanish standards I am pretty unsociable and lacking in community spirit, but still quite a few leagues down from the sort of threads mentioned!

The people who have mentioned community have it spot on, I think.

It's so easy to only spend time with people in the same situation as yourself, especially when you have young children, and to forget that other viewpoints exist. Our world is kind of set up to encourage that now that so many family friendly leisure options exist.

I find that when I go to my bookclub (mainly retired people), or occasionally to church (variety of ages, backgrounds) I come away feeling quite relieved to have been offered different perspectives on life.
I'm not, obviously, advocating mass church-going as the solution to all ills, (so please don't shout me down) but more opportunities for the generations to mix might calm everyone down!

Well, I got shot down in a ball of flames recently, by the younger crowd. The question was "would you mind if your DH revealed that he was bi-sexual and had slept with men in the past". I said that I would very much mind, and it would be a deal breaker for me. Wow, the flaming that I got. On that thread, not one girl would mind at all, it would be welcome news. Time have changed me thinks.

There just seems to be an undercurrent of an attitude of "no person, whether young, old, middle-aged must be seen or heard". It seems speaking let alone breathing in the vicinity of another person is akin to a hanging offence.

The outrage some posters/people have at any other human crossing their path is bizarre, it seems they want to live their lives in an impregnable bubble until they want/expect help from someone of course and thenthere is a wailing and gnashing of teeth and cry of "why didn't anyone help meeeee".

Am so happy to see this thread, I always feel like MN is a sea of spoilt posters just waiting for something tiny to outrage them.
The poor husbands. A shocking amount of perfectly innocuous things are deemed gaslighting, abuse or vile on here.

And as for that peace and love malarkey. No. Sometimes people need to be told to get over themselves, grow up and stop whining that the world does not revolve around them. A lil bit of tough love and the ability to give woolly hugs is needed.

I only post on non contentious threads because I CBA with arguing with anyone on the Internet, been there, done that, waste of time!

I agree that Mumsnet is nothing like RL, I think anonymity / being online means people are much ruder here than they'd be IRL.

OP, I think the truth is that nowadays a lot of people are very badly brought up. So badly, in fact, they feel no shame about it. My dd tells me that 'shame' is absent in our society, and that is why traditional standards are no longer upheld.

YES all of this. When did people become so mad and P.O? I very often feel like posting this

I avoid certain threads too. Whenever anyone posts about something awful someone has done, it takes about three posts for someone to pile in saying they could have a BPD, could be struggling etc. Now, whilst I think it is always good to bear that in mind, I think we have to realise that there are a lot of idiots out there who are just unpleasant. We can't put everything down to a personality disorder.

I remember one thread years ago when someone posted about her DH doing something innocuous, and it was similar to the odd incident here and there in my marriage. Within no time there were cries of LTB. I was gobsmacked and went on the thread urging the poster to just speak to her DH and it would blow over. I was rounded on for allowing 'abusive' behaviour! Well.... it's no different to my DH and he certainly isn't abusive and we've been married for decades! Common sense needed sometimes.

I frequently find myself answering thread titles in my head before opening them - I find it very therapeutic...!
'AIBU to hate strangers looking at my baby' - frankly yes
'Could I be pregnant' - if you've had sex recently then yes
'Should I let my teen out on their own' - almost certainly
It's entirely unreasonable of me when I don't know the details but some threads are just screaming to have that kind of brusque response. Of course I never actually post it!
I'm in my mid 30s but feel decidedly 'tweedy' at times, my friends are starting to have babies and I was very concerned about inadvertently offending one of them given all the ways MN seems to suggest I could do that, however I am still being invited round for tea and allowed to cuddle said babies so I guess I'm either remarkably inoffensive or my friends are not a terribly sensitive bunch!

There just seems to be an undercurrent of an attitude of "no person, whether young, old, middle-aged must be seen or heard". It seems speaking let alone breathing in the vicinity of another person is akin to a hanging offence.

Or, more accurately, there seems to be a lack of basic manners and respect for others and something that was unheard of even a couple of generations ago, is deemed acceptable by the majority. People used to restrain from making themselves a nuisance, sadly basic manners seem lost.

Another example, (before my time), but not so many years ago, pregnant women were hiding and not showing their bump in public, so no stranger would ever think about touching them!

I don't agree that people are 'making a nuisance of themselves', most people are just pottering around getting on with day to day life but woe betide them if they so much as look, smile or breathe on another person.

A good example is up thread where a poster tried to pass the time of day with people whilst buying wine and look at the response, I can just imagine the outraged AIBU thread from one of the people who she spoke to.

There is precious little tolerance shown for just everyday niceties here on MN, I have only rarely seen it in real life thank goodness.

At last, a thread on which I can feel fully at home.

I am 49 and happy to be tweedy.

I find the "don't breathe on my precious child" and "don't visit my new baby for at least a week" threads to be totally ridiculous.

Likewise the threads where it is strongly implied that any couple who do not have a joint account, and who want to maintain separate accounts, are in a financially abusive relationship. I am not referring to ones where one partner is keeping the other in penury, but to posters who imply that anything less than completely joint finances is not a valid way of doing things.

I was such a useless mother first time round, I was desperate for someone to call and help me! All those years ago, there was no such thing as paternity leave. My DH picked me up from the hospital with my PFB, it was mid afternoon, he stayed home for the rest of the day. Next day he went to work, as he did every day after that, no choice, he worked all over the country.

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