To sometimes feel like a brusque tweedy old lady on MN

[Imogentlasting]

I'm not that old, but some of the views on here really astound me. No one touch my child (on a thread I started); Christmas is just for me and my little unit, no relatives allowed; how dare an elderly person park in a P&T space; etc etc etc

AIBU to sometimes think the world is slowly going mad?

I really dislike the comment that 'at least they're playing outside, and not at home on the xbox' as if there's no happy medium between annoying the neighbours and staring mindlessly at a screen.

'Laughing loudly and having fun' the little beasts! I can't believe anyone really thinks like this.

And the idea that children should play just in the park, and do ...what? the rest of the time?

Another brusque tweedy lady here, & horror of horror am in my fifties.
I have stopped reading the Christmas threads, as find a lot of them so devoid of empathy & sheer selfishness can be breathtaking, I just dont understand the shutting out of family, & the attitude that they & Dh/Dc's are the only people that count.
Yy to more get over yourself & cop yourself on.

Isn't it all about moderation? I would be mortified if my DCs had annoyed someone by being far too noisy outside screeching and I would have torn them off a strip and told them to pipe down and not make so much noise! However, precious little darlings are allowed to do what they want nowadays and some parents don't seem to parent any more. I've seen this on holiday more times than I care to remember.

My DCs are all adults now but everyone gently pinched a babies cheek, or held their hand or smoothed their heads when they were in a buggy. I loved it because I was soooo proud of them and they didn't care.

Glad I found this thread!

I thought me thiking along the lines of the OP was because of cultural differences as I am not British, but, thinking about it, I've always considered myself old at heart anyway

Another one here dusting off the tweed and brandishing a double vodka sweet sherry.....this thread is like a breath of fresh air and common sense!!
And no, I have no idea why it warranted the peace and love comment.....perhaps there are other threads far more deserving of it??

My old lady moustache is bristling with agreement to most of the sentiments on here.

People seem so ready to be offended these days. Or to hate you for the way you've chosen to live.

Sadly, I've found it's not just MN. I follow some 'community' pages on FB and there are some really spiteful (sometimes shocking) responses to honest, neighbourly questions. Everyone seems ready to get into a fight.

Even in 'real life' e.g. I was looking at the rose wine in a supermarket on a beautiful sunny day when I cheerfully commented what lovely weather it was to a couple of fellow (female) wine shoppers. The deadly looks of palpable hatred and scorn that I had dared to speak to them whilst they shopped made me (an old bag) go bright red.
One woman actually walked off in a huff.

Just sad :(

TheDoor we have a community forum which used to be full of lively debate and discussion. But it became so nasty and unpleasant, people coming on sneering at anyone who had an issue with anything, calling residents 'victor meldrew' if they had any complaint no matter how valid about noise etc that people just stopped using it.

Another community initiative that died a death because of self centred, rude brattish adults who don't know how to behave.

MistressMerry of course children can play in the street. All it takes to figure this out is a bit of common sense. Playing in the street is good. Annoying the neighbours and making their lives unbearable is bad. Most people find it easy to know the difference - most people are able to have fun and ALSO to have some kindness and consideration for the neighbours. Kids have to learn both things, I think.

Anyway, back to the point of the thread, there is still a difference between good and bad behaviour, and raising kids to think it's acceptable to be noisy even if it disturbs the neighbours is definitely not ok.

Yes to moderation, agreed.

But no to parks being the only place children are allowed to play outside!

No to screeching and kicking football against walls, but no to stamping down on any play noise even in children's own gardens or outdoors on village greens and communal grassy or open areas just in case some theoretical person might be bothered by it - no to putting a person who might not even exist first!

Yes to telling off other people's kids and expecting other adults to tell mine off if necessary (but not just out of grumpy kill joy meanness).

Yes to being a community - which includes kids playing out and a bit of communal responsibility (I'll pick your kid up if he grazes his knee, I'll tell him off if he throws sand at mine, I'll warn him against playing in the road when there are other open spaces and cars every few minutes - I'll also tell your kid off if he taunts another kid who is playing out without a parent and I see all that happens clearly so am in a position to know its not 6 of one and half a dozen of the other - and please, you do the same to mine and I'll be happy). No to insular closing and locking the door when you get in and never answering the door, being offended if your neighbours speak to you or nice friendly local kids call for yours, and wanting to act as if you live in a bubble of just your household members.

MeeWho I also thought the same about cultural differences and I can see how different my views are.

Imogentlasting Do you think it is because people can hide behind a screen name?
That feeling you can get away with being a complete can't because no one will actually ever meet you?
Then again, I think people have got ruder and less tolerant overall, I didn't enjoy the school playground mums, the sense of entitlement and jockeying for social position, the feeling that everyone had to be 'in the right' all the time in matters of child care, car parking, in shops etc

I didn't realise being middle aged would be such a steep learning curve - and not in a good way.

kawliga yes all it takes is common sense in real life - but not if you judge life by MN.

That's kind of my point - there are as many bristly tweedy types (not age related necessarily :o ) on MN saying that babies belong to extended family and new mothers should suck it up and be grateful as there are "golden womb" pfbers. There are more MNers saying children should be seen and not heard IMO than there are MNers saying children are entitled to annoy the neighbors as much as they like.

There are just as many threads going to one extreme as the other.

Also a lot of people only like babies and think they should be communal property but hate children (at least other people's) and think they should be seen and not heard if they must be seen at all... :o

Great post Iliked, i totally agree. I think the community thing is key - so the older lady down the road knows me and ds, and she talks to him all the time - i think she'd be happy telling him to wind it in if needs be!

Likewise I know one of my neighbours was recovering from nasty illness recently, so kept ds quieter than usual. I think if you know people around you, it's much easier to keep everyone happy.

I think there's an awful lot of focus nowadays on teaching people about their 'rights', and very little on teaching them about the responsibilities that go with those rights.
As a result an awful lot of adults seem to act with no common sense and have no ability to judge a situation on its own merits. It's all about 'well, there's no rule against it', 'I'm entitled to spend Christmas however I want', 'my kids live here too'. Some people just don't seem to understand that their actions impact on other people and it's just not possible to live in a bubble that 's all about you, and your rights and your choices.

Thank goodness it's not just me, says she wearing tweed, sensible brogues and a twinset, there really does seem to be a lack of common sense and tolerance on MN.

As a newcomer to MN I'm shocked at the me, me, me stance and the selfish attitudes of some posters, not to mention the blatant rudeness, as if their entitlement is paramount over everything.

I'm a mum, MIL and Gran and I feel that common sense and tolerance (and admitting it when I don't know or saying that I'm sorry) goes a long way way, as does a sense of humour!

I think there's an awful lot of focus nowadays on teaching people about their 'rights', and very little on teaching them about the responsibilities that go with those rights.

Completely.

I also think that sometimes people don't think about the way they act now may impact on thints in the future either.

*things

Imogen

I used to teach a Personal and Social Education to year 9s - we covered The Rights of The Child under the Geneva convention - it was work based around snippets of a documentary about some very deprived children indeed - most of the children / young teens found it very humbling, as the rights are so basic yet not every child has them, despite it being enshrined in international law. There was heavy emphasis on responsibilities coming along with rights, and other units on things like the environment were all about responsibilities. Children do get quite enthusiastic about what they can do to make the world a better place.

Equally there are a lot of entitled, insular, me, me, me, I'm alright Jack sod you types. It is my very strong impression this attitude is not at all limited to the young, nor to "parents of today" but shines through among people of every age except perhaps the very old...

*sorry, some missing words there as I was in the middle of editing when I was distracted by a child and pressed post by mistake entitled bugger that 4 year old ... :o

I also think that sometimes people don't think about the way they act now may impact on thints in the future either.

That's what I always think about when posters do the whole 'no parents seeing a newborn for weeks' or 'no other family allowed at Christmas' etc. Especially the Christmas one. What's it teaching your kids other than that Christmas is just for a tiny nuclear family? So in 20 years time the poster will be having Christmas with just their DH as their own kids move on.

Maybe many will be fine with that. I doubt it though.

That sounds like a very good thing Iliked.

I was really thinking of the people who can't see beyond their rights and the rights of their children in ordinary everyday situations and will argue, for instance, that because there's no rule that says a child can't play football on the green at 11pm, then there's no obligation on the parents to call him in and stop him from making noise that's annoying the neighbours.

Basically, people putting trivial and unimportant 'rights' before common sense and consideration.

Both in RL and on Mumsnet I often find myself thinking, 'Why is everyone so angry?'

We need a webchat with a sociologist, don't we?