To sometimes feel like a brusque tweedy old lady on MN

[Imogentlasting]

I'm not that old, but some of the views on here really astound me. No one touch my child (on a thread I started); Christmas is just for me and my little unit, no relatives allowed; how dare an elderly person park in a P&T space; etc etc etc

AIBU to sometimes think the world is slowly going mad?

I think TBH 'peace and love' probably belongs more on the AIBU thread where people are saying the OP is selfish for daring to want to spend christmas day with her sister as - wait for it - sister has just had a baby! A real baby!

As the mother of a son the threads where DIL's wont let the inlaws see the new baby for the for the first six months but have their own mother practically living with them make me worried and scared. I try to think this is not the norm but have a lovely, kind friend to whom this has happened and it is breaking her heart.

The vast majority of posters on this thread are in agreement with each other. I don't really see the need for an intervention by MNHQ.

What's the snarky "peace and love" for OliviaMumsnet? This thread has been a beacon of peace and love compared to the nasty rants and attitudes prevalent on the vast majority of AIBU threads particularly those about minor, insignificant things that are part and parcel of everyday life and living amongst other human beings, they are the ones who need to imbibe some peace and love.

Some mners probably recognized themselves and complained.

maybe we should do a whole round of YOUR BABY YOUR CHOICE type rants. Then we'd be left alone!

I genuinely wondered, for a minute, if she'd posted on here by mistake and was actually intending to make that peace and love comment on another thread.

It just doesn't make any sense.

I reckon the "Your baby, your rules or Your house, your rules" started out as a joke but a certain type of poster took it at face value picked it up and ran with it, now it is used as an absolute to sanction some really hideously selfish behaviour.

It doesn't make any sense Imogen but then a lot of MN lately doesn't either.

I agree with always, I suspect we've been reported for not being in the spirit of the site or some such bollocks.

'I reckon the "Your baby, your rules or Your house, your rules" started out as a joke but a certain type of poster took it at face value picked it up and ran with it, now it is used as an absolute to sanction some really hideously selfish behaviour'

Yes it probably did start as a light-hearted comment but it gets repeated in a deadly serious fashion on here all the time. Some people seem to think that having a baby makes them Queen of the Universe and everyone else can just go swivel. The baby gets used as an excuse for anything they just don't fancy doing. I'm no fan of martyrdom and I completely understand why some families have to be kept very much at arm's length but the preciousness and smugness is a bit much to take sometimes.

No-one on this thread has specifically targeted any particular poster(s) just a general attitude.

Maybe always is right some posters have recognised their attitude and don't take kindly to it being challenged which says it all really.

Why does it have to be such polar extremes, is what gets me.

On the one hand there is never letting your MIL see your baby, but on the other there are the people saying that your baby belongs to your family not to you and you should hand it over as soon as the cord is cut and go and bake cakes and clean up and make tea for anyone who is kind enough to come to your home the second you get home from hospital, and be grateful you just get it back to change the pooey nappy before the next relative claims it.

The "golden womb" as somebody put it threads are countered by threads on which people who have had babies are roundly instructed to get over themselves no matter how uncomfortable they are with something or how much it upsets them, what matters is that they must not upset other people and must put themselves firmly to the back of any and every queue - go to events at absolutely impractical times if it suits the whim of another family member, sod the fact it'll make your life hugely difficult, considering your baby's sleep or meal times makes you a martyr but doing something you know will cause you a huge amount of difficulty and inconvenience at the whim of a capable adult who fancies having her baby relative at an 8pm restaurant meal 4 hours drive from home should be sucked up because "its not all about you"...

On some threads a mother who doesn't want to get rid of her young baby overnight or for long stretches is roundly turned up on and told the baby isn't hers - on others the opposite happens and anyone who lets a young person under 18 out of their sight except to school is a Bad Mother.

The selfish thoughtless parents who think their golden child should be allowed to run riot in a "grown up" restaurant are countered by threads on which parents should put themselves to massive inconvenience, and pretty much stay indoors all the time with their kids bound and gagged, just in case of a purely theoretical possibility their children might possibly annoy somebody. A typical line that gets trotted out is "there might be an elderly person inconvenienced by xyz"... (although most elderly people I encounter day to day seem pretty tolerant of children and to enjoy any contact they have with them, I am not sure those who trot out that line are really thinking of the theoretical elderly people they conjure up...)

I agree OP!

And whoever posted this...

I so agree. I love that MN is a place to vent and get real support, but sometimes people really need to get over it. The trivia that upsets them! It makes me wonder how they get through life at all.

I think "your baby, your rules" is used in earnest on other parenting sites and a parody of that, like "hun"...

Extremes at either end of the spectrum are wrong Ilike.

I don't mind people sticking their grubby fingers in my baby's mouth or giving her slobbery kisses full of germs or even taking photographs of her when she's out and about....but I draw the line at OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN PLAYING LOUDLY IN COMMUNAL AREAS!! This makes me shouty. It is not ok for kids to bounce footballs against the neighbour's wall all day from 6am to 11pm EVERY DAY laughing loudly and having fun while the neighbours suffer the noise! I remember that debate, people saying 'oh, bless them, they're out getting some exercise, it's ok for kids to be noisy'. No. Just no. Take them to the park. That's what parks are for.

I don't think this thread is saying that everything is ok, and anything goes. Bad behaviour is still bad behaviour. Noisy kids were ok in the days when kids would listen to a request from the neighbours to stop if asked to. Now we have noisy kids with parents who will defend them even if they disturb others.

I like this thread. It's all about common sense.

bit worried that the "love and peace" from MNHQ came after my post!

Very good post Iliked. A bit of give and take is what's needed - easy to say though, sometimes very difficult to do.....

kawliga, I don't agree with fingers in babies' mouths or kisses (just gross) but I very much agree about noisy children! There is an attitude among some that kids must be allowed to behave however they want to, wherever and whenever they want to, because 'they're just kids' or whatever. I suspect the real reason is that the adults just can't be arsed to manage their behaviour and its easier to just let them get on with it. There's a time and a place for noise, football, screeching etc and I agree with you that the park is it. That involves a bit of actual parenting though which seems to be beyond some people.

You want children to stop playing in the street kawliga?

No to kicking a football against a neighbour's wall of course - but honestly there are threads in which the majority say children should be kept quiet in their own gardens because poster X and poster Y like to listen to the birds sing while they sit in their garden, or the sound of kids playing makes poster z's dogs bark and she shouldn't be expected to be able to stop them... or advocating only allowing children outdoors in their own gardens within massively restricted time windows (not before 10.30, not during anything that might be somebody's lunch time, not after 6pm even in summer...) just in case it disturbs somebody - just in case, not after having had a polite request from a neighbour for a good reason or being aware that there is such a reason (sleeping baby, shift work, or whatever) but just in case it might possibly, theoretically, annoy somebody... I have seen people write things like "Some elderly people might have a nap after lunch, so children should be kept quiet until 4pm..."

But children have always played in the streets.

I'm from NI, is 'park are for playing' really a thing? I've never heard of it before.

The vast majority of posters on this thread are in agreement with each other. I don't really see the need for an intervention by MNHQ.

^Agreed