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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to report this little fucker to the police?

138 replies

Londonista123 · 04/11/2015 08:47

Sorry - long but genuine dilemma.

My flat and car were egged on Halloween (in vast quantities, if it matters). I was miffed but put it down to not answering the door to T'or'T'ers - until I realised that my flat and car were the only ones targeted in my building of 20+ flats. Car and flat are not next to each other.

After some thought, I put it down to a particular kid in my building. We've had a few run-ins before this:

  • A few months ago I accidentally photographed him while documenting something untoward that's happening around the building, that I photograph and send to the council to report (excuse the vagueness, but think fly tipping / antisocial behaviour or similar). His angry mum knocked on the door a few minutes later and, when I didn't answer, left me an illiterate note asking me to stop photographing her son / show her the photo. I was reluctant to talk to her because I don't know who was involved in the thing I was actually photographing, and didn't want to mention it to her.

She caught me in my car a few weeks later (son was with her), asked me why I was photographing her son, none too politely, and I explained that I was photographing something else. She may now think I'm a paedophile for all I know.

(I also wanted to scream that I am free to photograph whatever the hell I want in public, but never mind.)

  • On another occasion recently the son was making a serious racket directly outside my door (rollerskating up and down, shouting loudly downstairs to his mate). I went out and asked him to stop, which he did. I think he's around 12/13 y.o.

I really don't know most other neighbours here, certainly none with kids, and don't know who else could match me with the car, and would particularly want to egg my house.

I put a posted, anonymous note through their flat door to the effect that I'd reported their kid to the police for his Halloween "joke", and he was welcome to come by and apologise if they wanted me to withdraw the complaint. I was hoping a) his mum would give him a bollocking, since I doubt she knew and b) to frighten the hell out of him.

Got home to another note through door: I think you sent me a note [...] you say my son did a Halloween JOKE [...] go ahead and report him to the police if you think it was him [...] but report yourself at the time time for photographing my son.

I'm now even more certain it was him, and angry because the response I expected was to have the son say sorry, not an aggressive note from his mum.

So... do I now actually go to the police about what is technically "criminal damage"? I feel that the local police (like police everywhere) have much, much bigger fish to fry, and frankly I'd be embarrassed to ring up. I also think he's unlikely to do this to me again since he's now been caught.

AIBU to report this, and have the police round to "chat" about not egging houses?

OTOH - I'm angry. If this was my son, he'd be cleaning up the mess and writing an apologetic letter, whereas his mum's note seems to think she believes his behaviour is justified.

OP posts:
ReginaFerengi · 04/11/2015 09:14

If you were the only one who had their property egged, it would be a very simple process of elimination to work out who the note was from.

LimitedSedition · 04/11/2015 09:14

If it's public space you can snap away to your heart's content.

Otherwise all those people who take pictures of their kids in the park and get other children in the frame are in big trouble.

If you sneaked into their house, on the other hand; well, that's dodgy.

BeanGirls · 04/11/2015 09:15

I must ask are you a male or a female-not that it matters to me but it might make a difference when it comes to the accusation of taking the photos of the child. Before anyone flames me, personally I don't think it matters if it's male or female.

You could call the police but explain the whole story and show them the picture. I'm sure nothing will come of it either end though tbh. You have no proof it was that boy and they'll deny it, so I doubt the police will have a chat with him about egging.

You could put one of those cameras on the windscreen of your car or on your door if you're worried about future attacks.

Enjolrass · 04/11/2015 09:16

If you were the only one who had their property egged, it would be a very simple process of elimination to work out who the note was from.

Was just about to say the same

Londonista123 · 04/11/2015 09:16

Thanks all. Apologies for replying piecemeal. I think the consensus is "drop it".

batters - the building is in a leafy bit of Zone 2 in London, but a) it's an ex-council block, so you do get some odd behaviour and b) the area is going through a bit of a spike in anti-social behaviour.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 04/11/2015 09:18

I dunno is there more to this than you're saying? Are you the buildings busybody and therefore accidentally made yourself a target?

You should have answered the door in the first place and showed her the photo before deleting it. It's just not worth scrapping with the neighbours.

ohtheholidays · 04/11/2015 09:18

OP you have no proof and from what you've said your car was the only one that was egged right?So if you've wrote in the letter about that being done to your car of course she will know the note is from you if she knows what your car looks like and she saw the mess on it!It's common sense.

You also said about you didn't go to the door on Halloween,maybe you were the only one of your neighbors that didn't,anyone could have done that to your car.

Also with the picture,why didn't you just delete that one and then take another one without him in it and show the Mum that you have no pictures of her son,it's simple and that could have been the end of it.

Toughasoldboots · 04/11/2015 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 04/11/2015 09:20

You CAN legally photograph anyone in a public place. But you have no proof that he did anything. Making a noise outside your door is not a crime. And egging, while not pleasant, is not criminal damage unless it actually damages something. You do sound a BIT crazy. I'd step back from the whole thing before it gets out of hand.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 04/11/2015 09:21

Maybe they knew it was you because they had seen your car/house had been egged rather than because he done it. It could of been anyone why does it have to necessarily be the boy. I'd just leave it now and move on. If whatever it is they are doing isn't affecting you directly I.e fly tipping, I'd just mind your own business.

batters · 04/11/2015 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Londonista123 · 04/11/2015 09:23

Chilly - "Yep I'd be majorly pissed of if someone was photographing my kid aswell. You should delete the photo."

As above - the photo is 99% the area around building, kid just happened to be sitting there.

Tough - thanks.

Bean - I'm 28, female. The car is ancient and frankly needed a good wash anyway. If it was this kid, I doubt he'll now do anything again (otherwise, frankly, I'm prepared to call the police and be laughed at). We can think about putting a camera up next Halloween, I guess.

OP posts:
Jux · 04/11/2015 09:24

Well, the only chance you have of making peace with that family is to swallow your pride and apologise for the photograph and the assumption that her son is guilty of the egging. You could also think about how officious and judgemental you are being; you are, you know.

You put their backs up by taking the photo and then compounded their dislike of you by making assumptions about them and their actions, and by writing the note (and I bet your tone did nothing to ameliorate your negative position) and by threatening them.

They're not going to take anything less than a full scale apology.

MrsJayy · 04/11/2015 09:24

You to the mother are the weird neighbour who scuttles in the house doesnt speak to anybody and photographs her kid.
you didnt open your door you didnt explain to her about the photographing of something else.
Its now a neighbour dispute without you doing anything wrong which is a shame really you should have phoned the police when your carcwas egged and not put a note through the door you have no proof it was him just this raging anomosity building up between you all not sure how it can be solved really.

Toughasoldboots · 04/11/2015 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

multivac · 04/11/2015 09:27

....if you know who did it - and have any kind of evidence to support that, Toughas. Otherwise, you're just wasting police time.

Toughasoldboots · 04/11/2015 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 04/11/2015 09:28

Yeah it the op should have reported it at the time though

APlaceOnTheCouch · 04/11/2015 09:30

YABU to even think of reporting this DC to the police because all he has done is roller skate noisily outside your door and stop when asked.
If you're documenting some kind of illegal or anti-social behaviour that could have prompted the egging. There is nothing to say it was this boy.
Plus although legally you can take photos in a public place, morally you should have deleted the pic. You have no idea what is going on in the boy's life and they may have vaild reasons for not wanting a photo circulating that ties him to a particular location.
You sound like hard work and imo having a feud with a child never reflects well on an adult.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 04/11/2015 09:31

OP, you don't specify what form the spike in anti-social behaviour takes, but if you want it dealt with report it to the police every single time (101 is fine). If they get enough reports of incidents in a particular area they will be encouraged to up patrols etc.

Toughasoldboots · 04/11/2015 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cleaty · 04/11/2015 09:34

Of course you can photograph children in a public place. I have lots of photos with children I don't know in the background.

Londonista123 · 04/11/2015 09:35

gamer - "I dunno is there more to this than you're saying? Are you the buildings busybody and therefore accidentally made yourself a target?"

Not that I can see. I really am not involved in anything else around the building. I'm a solicitor, so I'm out the building during weekdays and evenings and don't really engage with the tenants/building much.

holidays - no-one "did" halloween in the building, and there was no sound of people trick or treating that we heard. I didn't want to delete the picture and show her a dummy because she'd likely have assumed I was lying and that would have escalated things.

My flat is a few floors up from theirs, so they wouldn't have seen the eggs just from walking by - and we cleaned them within a few hours. Same with car - it's not immediately nearby, and as we were out to the cinema that night we cleaned it quickly.

I understand that from their POV I look like a nut, but I can live with that. If one of my neighbours was a nut, I wouldn't be egging their door.

OP posts:
WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 04/11/2015 09:36

Ex police here (recent) - egging is not classed as criminal damage unless it damages any paintwork which is relatively unusual, rather it is logged as malicious mischief.

Fortunately, in 2015, you would not be 'laughed out of the station' Hmm, for reporting antisocial behaviour, and neither are you required to provide proof or evidence (otherwise the cops would have s hell of a lot less to do with their time). There is the possibility of local cctv anyway.

Keep a log of all communications, times, dates, written records of conversation, and the notes in question and nip this in the bud.

And no, taking pictures in a public place which happen to have children in them can't result in 'things being much worse', unless you are on the sex offenders register.

It's attitudes like some on here that are encouraging increasingly antisocial behaviour to be tolerated, possibly by vulnerable people (not saying the OP is however), just not to cause a fuss.

Bad neighbourly relations can escalate at great speed and become so much worse - better to deal with things as they occur than let them build.

ghostspirit · 04/11/2015 09:37

im not sure what to think. op you was taking a photo of something that was going on thats against the law and the child might be invloved and the child was in that photo.. so is it a bit like you was taking the photo in order to report it so you had proof and you got caught by the child taking the photo so now they wanted it delted?

the egg at car thing i dont think you really have any proof.

he was roller skating and shouting near your door and you told him to stop and he did so i dont see the problem there.

i see: you took photo of child... they dont like it

you say he egged your car..... no proof

he was skating shouting near you door.... you said stop, he did.

and the mum asked why you took a photo of her son.