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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not wanting to work

39 replies

LyndsayYC · 03/11/2015 22:37

I have 3 children 2 are autistic the other is a baby. My hubby works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week. Now money itself is not a issue it the fact we are only able to count hubbys wage for a mortgage as my careers allowence isnt classed as a wage. My MIL wants me to work the 2 days the husbands off. Now with having complex children i find that i end uo catching up on cleaning washing shopping ect in these 2 days. When hubbys at work i can't leave the house as its impossible to handle the 2 autistic children alone at times. Is it wrong to not want to add more stress into an already overstretched situation? I don't get a break no one is able to have my children as my parents ar to ill and hubbys family can't handle them. I don't mind the fact i don't get a break am just fustrated with the fact MIL seems to think i do nothing and need to do more.

OP posts:

holeinmyheart · 03/11/2015 22:43

Why would you care what this misguided woman is suggesting. I wouldn't allow anyone to dictate how I run my life. What is she doing interfering anyway. She can bog off.
What does your DH say? Does he want to look after the DCs alone on his days off?
Really he should be telling her to bog off. You need support not hassle.

Wolfiefan · 03/11/2015 22:44

You have three children. You work.
Two are autistic.
One is a baby.

You don't need a job. You need a break. Perhaps she could help?

FartemisOwl · 03/11/2015 22:45

YANBU. What you do has nothing whatsoever to do with MIL. It sounds like you have your plate full already without people pressuring you into a job.

PjDay · 03/11/2015 22:46

Oh my, you sound like you have enough on your plate at the moment without the addition of working. If your husband is working 60hrs a week surely some family time at the weekend is essential. If you can live on your husbands wage I would make do until the DC's are in school tbh.

clarinsgirl · 03/11/2015 22:46

MIL can fuck off.

Duckdeamon · 03/11/2015 22:47

MIL is being a dick.

expatinscotland · 03/11/2015 22:47

She needs to either butt out or pitch in. Your DH needs to tell her to back off.

StillMedusa · 03/11/2015 22:48

I'd suggest to her that if you should be working those days...then she should care for the children so that your DH gets a break !

I suspect she'd change her mind pretty quickly

Other than that.. she can poke off anyway. Your lives, your decisions! And as the parent of four of which one is autistic... life is tough enough! (I did go back to work when youngest was 6 for my own sanity but in term time hours... he's 18 now and I'm still in the same job as oddly enough his autism hasn't magically vanished with age!)

Euripidesralph · 03/11/2015 22:48

Why does Mil have any say? She has zero relevance here and her opinion does not count, do what's right for you DC and DH and tell the hag to butt out

(Yes I own a little projection here but it doesn't make my suggestion any less valid :-) )

IrritableBitchSyndrome · 03/11/2015 22:49

Ha! Er, no. YANBU.

NotEmptyNow · 03/11/2015 22:49

Fuck that! Tell her you'll get a full time job instead and she can look after dc if she's that concerned. What an interfering cow.

OldBloodCallsToOldBlood · 03/11/2015 22:50

You already 'work'. I'm sorry that your MIL doesnt recognise the work you do, just because it's very poorly paid and not for an employer. I'm a carer too; my DS has ASD and I receive Carer's Allowance. I absolutely see it as work, because it is.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 03/11/2015 22:50

My son is asd and I work part time, I am in a very unique situation in which I have a fantastic support network around me and an extremely accommodating boss.

Without those factors there would be no way I could work.

I couldn't image having 2 children with asd. I can barely cope with my son.

BackforGood · 03/11/2015 22:52

What Wolfie said.

You are working - damned hard.
What on earth has it got to do with your MiL ?

Chilledmonkeybrains · 03/11/2015 22:52

What the bogging hell has it to do with her?

Original poster

LyndsayYC · 03/11/2015 22:52

Thanks for your replies. My Dh doesn't want me to work he knows how much i have on.
She only wants to look after one of my children the eldest and baby she forgets they exsist. Shes a vile woman at times.
Tbh i dont care what she suggest i just get deflated with her negative comments all the time. She believes because of the 2 autistic that me and my husband will struggle to achieve in life i really believe i have already achieved an awful lot with my 3 beautiful boys. My husband struggles with confrontation and sits there quietly i think he needs to grow a pair and defend me and the children!

OP posts:

bloodyteenagers · 03/11/2015 22:54

Tell the silly woman that if she is convinced that you do nothing, come and stay for a holiday. Invite her for two weeks and you stay elsewhere.
Then ask her if you do fuck all

moggiek · 03/11/2015 23:13

You already have a full time job. End of.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 03/11/2015 23:13

If you worked those two days you would never see your husband. That's insane but you know that already.

i just get deflated with her negative comments all the time.
Don't spend time with her.

My husband struggles with confrontation and sits there quietly i think he needs to grow a pair and defend me and the children!
If he wants to hang out with her, fine, but why should you have to put up with his disrespectful behaviour to you in her presence? Again, don't spend time with her.

nightsky010 · 04/11/2015 02:43

Tell her it's a brilliant suggestion and that you'd love her to babysit 4 days a week so you can spend 2 working and 2 doing housework ;-) That will shut her up!

stuffthenonsense · 04/11/2015 03:17

" She believes because of the 2 autistic that me and my husband will struggle to achieve in life i really believe i have already achieved an awful lot with my 3 beautiful boys. " yes you are achieving in life! Not all achievements are financial, some are far more important, and raising children, especially autistic children, is one of the greatest achievements anyone can aspire to. Tell her to mind her own business, if she's that desperate for you to get a mortgage perhaps she should put herself up as guarantor and contributor.

Duckdeamon · 04/11/2015 12:43

Avoid her.

Gottagetmoving · 04/11/2015 12:49

Stop taking notice of what your MIL says.
You DO work. You look after your children and that is enough if you are happy with that.
It really does not matter what anyone 'thinks' you should be doing and you certainly should not try to justify how you live.
Ignore MIL and tell your DH that he needs to have words with her.

TPel · 04/11/2015 12:55

Tell her and her unwanted 'suggestions' to fuck off.

nightsky010 · 05/11/2015 05:56

I forgot to say, you're doing a brilliant job managing to care for 2 autistic DCs and a baby with your partner working those hours. I have 1 autistic DC and probably don't do half as well as you! :-)

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