Not wanting to work

[LyndsayYC]

I have 3 children 2 are autistic the other is a baby. My hubby works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week. Now money itself is not a issue it the fact we are only able to count hubbys wage for a mortgage as my careers allowence isnt classed as a wage. My MIL wants me to work the 2 days the husbands off. Now with having complex children i find that i end uo catching up on cleaning washing shopping ect in these 2 days. When hubbys at work i can't leave the house as its impossible to handle the 2 autistic children alone at times. Is it wrong to not want to add more stress into an already overstretched situation? I don't get a break no one is able to have my children as my parents ar to ill and hubbys family can't handle them. I don't mind the fact i don't get a break am just fustrated with the fact MIL seems to think i do nothing and need to do more.

You have a DH problem. Tell him to grow a fucking pair and stand up for his family.

Don't you think it's time she had a career change? Don't you think k she should become an astronaut? Suggest it every time she suggests a change for you. You could even get her some books on what she'd need to do.

Tell her to bugger off. Then tell your DH to grow a pair and tell mil to bugger off some more back off with the comments.

Hi, some lenders will take carers allowance. I suggest you speak to a mortgage broker (I assume you spoke to your bank).

I know not the full point of your thread but hope it helps.

I'm going with the simple "Fuck off MIL" as well. As she's not living your life, she has no comprehension of how hard you are already working, just looking after your DC.

I agree your DH needs to have a word with her - and then ignore her stupid suggestions from now on.

You already have a job, tell her to butt out!

You say you don't leave dh alone as the kids are a 2 person job? I'm gonna presume that you manage to look after the kids alone? You might want to look at this as it's not fair that you can't have a break.

Tell her,

Thank you for your opinion but I am dedicated to caring for my children 24/7. However if I were to go back to work would you be able to mind all children for me....

I think that may soon shut her up...

So she wants her son to work 5 x 12 hour shifts, then on his 2 days off look after a baby, 2 autistic children, sort out meals meals tidying up for those days. Ask her that?

Are his shifts even on regular days to allow you to get a job?

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

I have two NT children, and I don't work. I haven't for 11 years. They are both in school and I love what I do which is basically everything in the house.

Dh loves that he doesn't have the added worry if one of the DC is ill that he'll need to take time off to look after him. I did work in the past and I took two days off and he took 1 day off when Ds1 had chicken pox.

He doesn't have to worry about collecting them from school, or school holidays.

My pat response to those that suggested I should work was, it works for us and it has nothing to do with you.

She's batshit, ignore her OP. Even one child without ASD can be hard work being at home. Try and minimise all contact with her.. You don't need her negativity and interference.

Agree with Unwilling

I've not worked full-time since my 2 were in primary school. I raised them alone. Now that theyre in their 20s I still work part-time and have absolutely no intention of working full-time ever again. I don't want to, I have hobbies I love to pursue and don't like the treadmill feeling. & I don't care a jot what anyone thinks about it.

I guess you already know your mean-spirited mother in law should offer you some help but since she isn't. just continue to do what suits you and either ignore her, or tell her that her comments are unwelcomed and you'd rather not discuss your personal life with her.

I can't abide women who see another woman tired and struggling and talk unhelpful crap as if raising children is not "enough" and you should be working outside the home, as if that somehow raises your value as a woman. Nothing to do with anyone else at all

So your mil won't have the children because she can't cope with them but she expects you to cope with them full time and work as well!? Is she mad?!

Fuck her. She has no idea whatsoever.

I have a child with severe autism and an older child. There is no way I'm going to work ever again. My life is draining enough. Dh worked 55 hours a week in a minimum wage job until last week and has just been signed off work with anxiety and depression because the combination of work and everything going on with our son is too stressful. So you and your dh are doing a grand job!

I agree see a mortgage broker. Ours took carers allowance and tax credits and dla (nationwide).

Is she very involved in your family life? Would it be very bad of you to have a couple of 'interviews' christmas shopping that will take entire days, and that she could look after all of your children while you attend?

Thanks everyone for your support. I have told Dhabi that he deals with her and tells her otherwise I deal with and tell her not to come again.
Your all right she won't have more than 1 of my children at a time no one apart from my parents will but my parents are really poorly so struggle to have them. My mum's helping me take them to a bonfire tonight to see my grandparents tomorrow and fireworks display Saturday. Your was right my children really are a 2 man job but it's impossible to have 2 people her all the time. At home I have managed to develop strategies to manage them alone. I am lucky to have a lot of patients my Dhabi has 0 tolerance and patience he was actually diagnosed with autism by a clinical physcologist yesterday who told me I should get assessed as you thinks I have Autism too. So maybe we handle well as we are just a family of Autistics lol