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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

did I overreact?

120 replies

Wobblystraddle · 03/11/2015 16:46

I can let this go, even though it sounds so ridiculous.
So, we have a seven seater. We also have isofix car seats at the moment, so anyone using the rear two seats climbs in and out of the boot. They rarely get used at the moment.

We went out for lunch at the pub the other day. I went in the boot as my parents are visiting. I had a couple of large glasses of wine. When we got home, everyone bundled out and all of a sudden I realised that no one had let me out. I sat there for 15 minutes, then got out and had a complete meltdown at everyone.

I know lots of people will probably think, why didn't I just get out sooner? For the first couple of minutes I actually thought it was funny , I'd wait and see how long it took them to notice. Then I just started to feel sad and hurt. I'm crying now - so pathetic.

I mean, no one noticed that I wasn't there. I guess no one needed a cup of tea, or dinner cooked, or something else from me. Even dds (4 and 6) didn't notice I wasn't there, yet they are usually yelling for me every 30 seconds?

I did shout quite a lot. Dh thinks I overreacted. WIBU to feel really hurt by this? Why is it still making me feel sad?

OP posts:
Pyjamaramadrama · 03/11/2015 19:33

I wouldn't apologise.

You may have overreacted but they were all a bunch of ignorant so and so's.

Enjolrass · 03/11/2015 19:34

Couldn't take anyone seriously who sat in the boot of a car on purpose just to see how long it would be before someone let her out.....

Honestly.....I couldn't either.

This thread has made me laugh. I keep thinking about what my reaction would be if I looked out and saw dh, sat in the boot...drunk.

Enjolrass · 03/11/2015 19:36

leaving you to clamber over the back seats to get yourself out.

Seriously?

It was a seat....not Ben Nevis!

PurpleHairAndPearls · 03/11/2015 19:40

If it was a galaxy the middle seats are very easy to put down/climb over from the rear. I used to manage it before I became disabled - admittedly I am short but was very round at the time Grin

I think complaining people are calling you childish op, misses the point that your behaviour was very childish. Or do you think you behaved like an adult?

I think it would be nice to apologise to your DH and parents for shouting, but as I said if you are generally feeling overlooked and unappreciated, raise it in an adult manner.

hmmmum · 03/11/2015 19:52

Bless you, it sounds like you do a lot for everyone and that you are feeling overly sensitive about whether people love you for who you are...or for what you do for them!
15 minutes isn't long enough... if you'd sat there an hour it would have been a different story. 15min is quite a short time to notice anyone is missing.
But I think the fact that you overreacted a bit and still feel sad shows that there is something that needs addressed in your life - like maybe you need some TLC. Maybe your Dh needs to wine and dine you a bit and help you feel as loved as you are!
I'm sure others have posted similar things, I haven't read all the posts!

Suddenlyseymour · 03/11/2015 20:01

Am sure there was an episode of the young ones once where they played hide and seek, and rik hid for ages, no one looked for him then he reappeared in style in the kitchen screeching "did anybody miss me?!" .....it's kind of made me think of that....

KidLorneRoll · 03/11/2015 20:03

I'm going to guess they didn't do it on purpose. If they did, then yes, I guess it's understandable you might be upset.

If not, you chose to stay in the car and sulk, and then have a tantrum about it. If you were a child then I would expect that. From an adult, it all sounds a bit pathetic.

somepeopledontknowthat · 03/11/2015 20:17

You "had a complete meltdown" and "shouted quite a lot".

Seriously, are you 3? I'm embarassed for you.

SurlyCue · 03/11/2015 20:20

I wouldn't even expect or accept a tantrum from a child over this. Both mine would just climb through to the front as soon as they realised they'd been forgotten. They'd probably say "err, you forgot to let me out mum!" And we'd all laugh. Probably make jokes the next time we were in the car. "Oh must remember to let X out this time" we'd all laugh again. If they gurned over it i'd tell them to catch a grip of themselves. and not let them drink wine anymore Wink

Gruntfuttock · 03/11/2015 20:28

OP, what would you have thought if it had been your DH in the boot and he'd sat there for 15 minutes sulking?

BalloonSlayer · 03/11/2015 21:29

Fair enough enjollrass and Gruntfuttock Grin

What I meant was that, although I was a child then, even now I feel the same as I did then when remembering it. So I think I would have reacted the same had it been me. Probably because of my childhood experience, but maybe just because I'm me . . .

BalloonSlayer · 03/11/2015 21:31

Sorry what I meant to add to that post was that most of you on this thread don't get it, the OP's DH doesn't get it but - irrational or immature or what - I get it.

HairyLittleCarrot · 03/11/2015 21:41

I do feel sorry for you OP. It's rather crap that your family forgot you. Undignified and awkward to have to climb over seat backs to get out. I frequently get out of the car with the children and make it as far as the back door before running back to let the beleaguered dog out of the boot. If I can feel guilty about forgetting the dog for 2 minutes, your family ought to have been a little redfaced about you.

But hopefully this will be a good anecdote for you in a year or two.

wecanbuthope · 03/11/2015 21:47

The worst thing I ever did was once after a shopping trip go get the shopping out of the boot.

My sister got the rest of the shopping.

Husband went in first to unlock the door, pick up the post etc.

I went into the kitchen and walked back into the hallway to see my dd(4) looking back at me through the glass panel.

Poor thing had been locked outside.

We all had a good laugh about it.

It's easy to overreact when you're upset though OP.

DixieNormas · 03/11/2015 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeaMagic · 04/11/2015 10:49

I suspect that OP felt a little left out sitting in the back... I am imagining her DH and DPs having a lovely chat and laugh together up the front.

And then they forgot she even existed and wandered inside, started making cups of tea and getting out the biscuits.

And OP came in 15 minutes later as they were all having a cosy chat around the kitchen table.

I remember once being very cross with my DM for something sort of similar... I was flat sharing at the time with my DB and his then DP [now DW]. DM and DF were staying with us on holiday. They live abroad and we only see them every few years so it was a big deal that they were staying with us.
DM cooked this lovely dinner and served it out to everyone. I was on a late shift and didn't make it home till about 8pm or 9pm, starving hungry.
My mother looked very shamefaced as she admitted she had 'forgotten about me' and had served seconds to everyone and now there was nothing left. She offered to make me a sandwich or something but that wasn't really the point. I remember feeling so unimportant and just plain cross. I am sure they thought I was just sulking and overreacting but I still can't believe that no one around the table thought to say 'Shall we put some aside for Sea?'.

Anyway, I get it OP. Bloody families Grin

CFSsucks · 04/11/2015 11:26

Oh come on. It's quite clear from the OP that OP feels undervalued at home and is expected to do everything for everyone. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that this was much more than them not letting her out of the boot. Read between the lines here!

OP, YANBU, I can't imagine a scenario where I don't k ow where someone is for 15 minutes when we are at home. I know my DCs would certainly notice.

It's clear you feel that you are not valued at home. Maybe you need to stop running around after others quite so much (obviously young children aside).

reni2 · 04/11/2015 11:48

CFS I get the OP feels undervalued, this needs addressing. Sulking in a car followed by a tantrum and then crying will not address this and give people reason to point out she is childish. Would it be ok if she threw a similarly childish tantrum on the floor in the vegetable aisle a Tesco to make her displeasure known? People are just not going to take it as a signal of distress and will instead assume she's just a drama queen so her valid complaints will be dismissed.

gleam · 04/11/2015 12:05

Op, I get it.
BalloonSlayer, Flowers, something similar happened to me as a child, but for much longer.

(In hindsight, I realise it had a massive impact on my self-esteem and relationships as an adult.)

Oysterbabe · 04/11/2015 12:13

When my sister and I were 7 & 9 and on a long car journey we climbed over the back seats and into the boot (it was an estate and before the days when people in the back had to wear seatbelts) and led down and were silent. After about half an hour my mum turned round and started freaking out and going mental at my dad (OMG!!! We've forgotten the girls!!!!) We let him slam the brakes on and start turning round before springing up laughing. We were evil little shits.
Reminds a bit of that but we were 7 & 9.

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