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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

did I overreact?

120 replies

Wobblystraddle · 03/11/2015 16:46

I can let this go, even though it sounds so ridiculous.
So, we have a seven seater. We also have isofix car seats at the moment, so anyone using the rear two seats climbs in and out of the boot. They rarely get used at the moment.

We went out for lunch at the pub the other day. I went in the boot as my parents are visiting. I had a couple of large glasses of wine. When we got home, everyone bundled out and all of a sudden I realised that no one had let me out. I sat there for 15 minutes, then got out and had a complete meltdown at everyone.

I know lots of people will probably think, why didn't I just get out sooner? For the first couple of minutes I actually thought it was funny , I'd wait and see how long it took them to notice. Then I just started to feel sad and hurt. I'm crying now - so pathetic.

I mean, no one noticed that I wasn't there. I guess no one needed a cup of tea, or dinner cooked, or something else from me. Even dds (4 and 6) didn't notice I wasn't there, yet they are usually yelling for me every 30 seconds?

I did shout quite a lot. Dh thinks I overreacted. WIBU to feel really hurt by this? Why is it still making me feel sad?

OP posts:

Pyjamaramadrama · 03/11/2015 17:11

What did they all say op?

TheWitTank · 03/11/2015 17:13

Honestly -I think you were childish and ridiculous. I imagine the wine contributed though! If my OH threw a wobbly in front of visiting family over such a non -issue I would be embarrassed and pissed off. Either there is a back story here or you were just pissed and emotional.

TheWitTank · 03/11/2015 17:15

Forgot to add, I would have presumed you were in the loo, upstairs, talking to someone outside, on the phone etc.

CatMilkMan · 03/11/2015 17:17

You massively over reacted and still are, maybe after you have had a good cry you will feel better?

shutupanddance · 03/11/2015 17:17

Pats ops shoulder. Its ok, they love you really.

AlwaysHope1 · 03/11/2015 17:19

ywbu and owe them all an apology. Testing them to see how much they care? very childish behaviour.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 03/11/2015 17:22

I suspect the crux of this is "I had a couple of large glasses of wine"

If you are generally feeling overlooked and a but unappreciated in every day life I can see why you might be a bit miffed, but shouting about it (presumably) in front of your parents and DC is very childish behaviour.

I can't get out of the car unaided and many times my DH and DC have strolled off up the path and then said "shit we've forgotten to get purple" which usually makes me laugh, but I can imagine if they forgot about me for 15 mins I wouldn't be laughing. I would however raise it with them and tell them how it made me feel. I think by shouting (and being honest you probably were tipsy) and over reacting you've sort of shot yourself in the foot as they won't take it as seriously as you want.

If you do feel unappreciated and overlooked, raise it in a better manner at the right time.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 03/11/2015 17:24

Actually thinking about it, my family are used to helping me out of the car. Presumably though, you don't sit in the boot seats for every journey and have to be winched out each time so I really would let this one go.

lighteningirl · 03/11/2015 17:25

Yanbu they were rude ans selfish to not let you out

Bimblywibble · 03/11/2015 17:26

I feel for you, but I think you are being a wee bit childish. Sorry.

I have 2 friends with 3 children who have forgotten the baby and left it in the car for a bit. I remember when my littlest was small I was surprised to hear a baby crying and wondering why no one had sorted it out... then realised it was my baby!

I know it's not the same thing, but all those babies are just as loved as the ones we didn't forget about!

OurBlanche · 03/11/2015 17:27

Well, now you know. You are the only person in your family who keeps track of everyone and thinks to open the boot to let out whomever is in there.

Tomorrow, have a quiet discussion with your DH... ask him how he would feel, drunk or stone cold sober, had you just walked away and left him as he left you?

And let him know that should he ever think to tell his obviously upset wife that she has overreacted again, she will hit him, hard, in the knackers, and then leave him to ponder his real position in life.

Once, and only once, DH left me in a vaguely similar position. By the time he remembered I had taken myself home and, it being before the days of mobile phones, he had a few minutes of panic wondering where I was. I was incoherent that night, but took the time to explain it to him the next day.

KidLorneRoll · 03/11/2015 17:28

So you were, in fact, perfectly able to get out of the car yourself, but chose to sit there because.... reasons? You aren't a small child in a 3 point harness?

Yes, you are massively overreacting.

Shutthatdoor · 03/11/2015 17:28

If my dh stayed sat in the car after a few glasses of wine because he was 'testing' us, and then had the cheek to get upset about it when we didn't realise... I'd be really cross with him tbh. Very childish

Exactly what I think.

ForChina · 03/11/2015 17:28

Ah, it sound like it's not so much about the car thing but about feeling a bit taken for granted and general dogsbody, which I can understand. You just wanted someone to bloody well consider you and at least open the door for you. Selfish twats. They made you feel like they don't bother about you. Then because of that narrative in your head, them going about their business not thinking about you became a much bigger thing than it was.

Yes, you did overreact. Of course you did. To sit in the car for 15 minutes, let yourself out and then have a meltdown about it is really daft, but you know that. I can, however, totally understand how you felt and why something tiny suddenly felt so hurtful and how the longer you sat there the more hurtful it felt. Perhaps what you need is some occasion that allows you some time off or some time to be spoiled a bit by them. They really do love you and care about you and would be lost without you, you know.

Original poster

Wobblystraddle · 03/11/2015 17:30

Thanks to those who have given me some perspective, and those who took the time to be a little less...abrupt.

OP posts:

LucasIsMyMuse · 03/11/2015 17:32

Well OP, I can see why you were upset. I wouldn't want to have to climb over a load of seats to the front to get out of the car, why was it such an effort for your DH to open the boot so you can get out normally.

While you may have gone slightly overboard in your reaction (we'll blame the wine) I too would have been mightily peeved. And yes, little things like that can make you think about how quickly they'd find you if they wanted something done.

SurlyCue · 03/11/2015 17:33

I dont even understand how they got as far as the house without you letting them know they'd forgotten you? why didnt you either bang on the window or climb to the front as soon as you saw them heading for the front door? Were you sleeping?

Original poster

Wobblystraddle · 03/11/2015 17:34

I was reading a recipe book as I had Halloween cakes to make that afternoon.

OP posts:

Gruntfuttock · 03/11/2015 17:35

"It was that or be des, BadLad, which was probably a mistake in retrospect."

If you hadn't volunteered to get in the boot you'd have to "be des"? What does being des entail?

WizardOfToss · 03/11/2015 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SurlyCue · 03/11/2015 17:37

why was it such an effort for your DH to open the boot so you can get out normally

I'm guessing he forgot rather than calculated the effort involved and decided it was too much

Gruntfuttock · 03/11/2015 17:38

lighteningirl "Yanbu they were rude ans selfish to not let you out"

Why, when she was perfectly capable of letting herself out?

Fiona4545 · 03/11/2015 17:39

Bit OTT it's 15 minutes, I'd worry if it was 48 hours !

SurlyCue · 03/11/2015 17:39

Des= designated driver?

OurBlanche · 03/11/2015 17:40

Yes, by climbing back into the main body of the car... not really the same as just opening a door, which most drivers would think to do, knowing someone had taken up a boot seat!

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