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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

did I overreact?

120 replies

Wobblystraddle · 03/11/2015 16:46

I can let this go, even though it sounds so ridiculous.
So, we have a seven seater. We also have isofix car seats at the moment, so anyone using the rear two seats climbs in and out of the boot. They rarely get used at the moment.

We went out for lunch at the pub the other day. I went in the boot as my parents are visiting. I had a couple of large glasses of wine. When we got home, everyone bundled out and all of a sudden I realised that no one had let me out. I sat there for 15 minutes, then got out and had a complete meltdown at everyone.

I know lots of people will probably think, why didn't I just get out sooner? For the first couple of minutes I actually thought it was funny , I'd wait and see how long it took them to notice. Then I just started to feel sad and hurt. I'm crying now - so pathetic.

I mean, no one noticed that I wasn't there. I guess no one needed a cup of tea, or dinner cooked, or something else from me. Even dds (4 and 6) didn't notice I wasn't there, yet they are usually yelling for me every 30 seconds?

I did shout quite a lot. Dh thinks I overreacted. WIBU to feel really hurt by this? Why is it still making me feel sad?

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 03/11/2015 17:41

"Yanbu they were rude ans selfish to not let you out"

I dont think it was deliberate. I think they just forgot because they arent used to letting anyone out of the boot.

orlakielyimnot · 03/11/2015 17:41

Am I right in reading that you had to climb to the front to own a door to let yourself out? If so then yanbu. Someone should have opened the back door. I wouldn't have sat there for so long, I don't think. I would have knocked on the window as they were departing or clamoured out and made a fuss when I got in!

wigglesrock · 03/11/2015 17:41

Yes, I think you over reacted but it happens - sounds like you were suffering from a touch of the martyrs as well.

Gruntfuttock · 03/11/2015 17:44

"Des= designated driver?" Oh thanks. I was imagining having to do a Des O'Connor impression.

Frankly, I think this thread is bloody funny. Going to and from the pub in the boot and then sitting in the boot for 15 minutes sulking before getting out. I can't take such a ridiculous thing seriously. No doubt your family expected you to behave like an adult OP. Instead you shouted at everyone and then started crying. FFS.

SideOrderofChips · 03/11/2015 17:48

If you've got the 7 seater ive got then how did you climb over the seats im too fat to even fit in the boot seats in mine

I am on the fence. i would be upset no one noticed me but assumed it was the wine talking

SeaMagic · 03/11/2015 17:49

I understand why you felt hurt OP.

I presume you volunteered to sit in the back because you didn't want anyone else to feel uncomfortable, or like the family dog, or left out of the adult conversation in the front.

So you put yourself out, or last, and the least you would have expected or hoped for was a thank you and for someone to have the ruddy decency to remember you and open the boot to let you clamber out in a more dignified fashion.

I suspect there is a back story to this... not just with DH and DC but probably DParents... of feeling left out, disregarded perhaps, dismissed, unimportant?

Of course two large glasses of wine tend to intensify your emotions so undoubtedly would have contributed to you getting so upset and angry. But the fact that you are still feeling wobbly indicates to me that there might be something about your place in the family and the dynamic between you and others that you might want to explore further.

But otherwise OP I get it and think the adults in your story were all a bit thoughtless and self centred tbh.

Leavingsosoon · 03/11/2015 17:50

I understand exactly what you mean Wobbly and it's extremely hard to explain.

My parents did something similar to me once and like you I ended up crying and raging. It makes you feel like shopping no one really cares about but it's so hard to articulate - but I get you. And YANBU.

Costacoffeeplease · 03/11/2015 17:51

I'm with you Grunt I am giggling a lot ever so slightly op

Costacoffeeplease · 03/11/2015 17:53

or like the family dog

sorry op, but this really did make me smile

Narp · 03/11/2015 17:56

You did over-react, but of course there is a reason.

I'm guessing you feel under-appreciated and hurt and it's been building up

Maybe it's a sign you need to assert yourself more so it doesn't boil over like this. Think about what you want to change and talk to your DH

DawnOfTheDoggers · 03/11/2015 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoboTheGoat · 03/11/2015 18:02

It is kind of like when an adult is in the back and the door has the child lock turned on. Yes, they could clamber over to the other side and get out, but it is just a normal consideration to open the door from the outside and let them out.

YANBU OP. How THREE adults could forget about the FOURTH adult is beyond me and I can see why you are annoyed. Not only that, but after 15 minutes did no one even think, where is she?

lighteningirl · 03/11/2015 18:04

Because Grunt it's not a case of just letting yourself out from the boot you have to put seats down/climb over. My then dp once left me in a restaurant at NYE I went to the loo, big group of friends he thought I'd got in first taxi and got in second. When he realised he made the taxi turn round and go straight back. He was mortified and upset (I thought it was funny and had started walking) you don't forget someone and if you do you apologise profusely 15 mins shows an utter disregard I would be upset.

BalloonSlayer · 03/11/2015 18:09

I remember when I was a small child waking up and I had been left in the car on the drive and all the family had gone in without me. I wailed and wailed and I still clearly remember the distress, and the feeling of being abandoned.

My Mum remembers it too and says it was literally a couple of minutes while they got the bags in and got sorted, but in that short time I woke up and went berserk.

It's still one of my early memories and I still remember how I felt. And yes: I could have got out of the car by myself - it was way before the days of child locks or even central locking.

So it's a YANBU from me.

If I'd done that to you I'd be really apologising.

Jollyphonics · 03/11/2015 18:17

I think this could be looked at from the opposite perspective.

"We had a family lunch in a pub recently. DW's parents were with us, so someone had to sit in the boot. DW wanted to drink, so I ended up driving and she sat in the boot. She had a couple of big glasses of wine with the meal,then we all piled into the car to come home. When we got home, I was the sober one, preoccupied with sorting out our young DCs, chatting to my in-laws etc. In the middle of all this I was busy letting everyone in the house and didn't open the boot for DW. Instead of calling out, or just climbing over the seats, she sat in there for a full 15 minutes sulking, then came in and made a huge scene, shouted at me, upset the DCs, it was awful. I felt bad but really there was no need for such a fuss, I think she must have been drunk. Next time she can drive and I'll chill out in the boot after a few beers!"

OP I can see why you were a bit peeved but I think you overreacted.

LetsSplashMummy · 03/11/2015 18:21

I can see why you are upset, but you are making a huge mistake to turn it into a big deal. You have just found out it is possible to sneak away from your family and in-laws for at least 15 minutes without them noticing, that is at least a cup of tea and a chapter of a book! Enjoy!

meganorks · 03/11/2015 18:21

Yes you over reacted. If you can get out yourself why would anyone presume you had to be let out.

SurlyCue · 03/11/2015 18:22

How THREE adults could forget about the FOURTH adult is beyond

I dont think they forgot her. I think they forgot she needed the boot opened to get out. They just got out like they normally do and headed to the door thinking she was behind them, then once in the house assumed she'd got caught talking to a neighbour or was at the loo or whatever.

Gruntfuttock · 03/11/2015 18:24

BalloonSlayer You're saying that you understand a grown woman reacting like a small child. I don't. If it had happened to me, once I'd clambered out, (and it wouldn't be after I'd sulked for 15 minutes) I'd have "had a go" about being forgotten in a joky manner.

For context, I suffer from severe clinical depression (thank gawd for ADs) and have been told by various counsellors that I have not just low self-esteem , but no self-esteem, so it's not as though I don't understand feeling like I don't matter. But in the scenario described, it wasn't something that even I could construe as deliberate and malicious. They would probably have been confronted with me acting like that Harry Enfield character shouting "Oi! You! NO!" "You did not want to leave me in the car!" No one was hurt so I would be able to see the funny side.

Jux · 03/11/2015 18:30

It would have been polite, kind, thoughtful, if someone had automatically opened the boot to let you out. No one did. And then no one wondered where you were, for 15 minutes.

I can see how abandoned and uncared for you would have felt.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 03/11/2015 18:33

I think you did overreact but I'd blame the wine for that. It's not UR to expect your family to remember you but tbh 15 mins wasn't really enough time for anyone to be missed. If you'd waited an hour and were still sitting there, then I think you could have been forgiven for both being upset and deciding to mope in there for the rest of the afternoon with the rest of the bottle of wine.

Enjolrass · 03/11/2015 18:33

Oh OP, the wine definitely effected you.

Firstly, everyone may have assumed you got yourself out, or that some else got you out. Then assumed you were somewhere else in the house.

Setting up some kind of test to see how long it takes for people to notice is childish and then to be annoyed that they didn't pass is even worse.

Tbh if I noticed dh sat outside in our car knowing he could get out, it would be a lot longer that 15mins before I went out for him.

And if I found out he was testing us all, I would have told him he was a silly drunk git and left it at that.

Yabu you know Yabu.

But I do hope you feel better now

cate16 · 03/11/2015 18:36

We have one of those stupid keyless cars. On the first trip out the three passengers got out and went into restaurant sat down ordered drinks read menu picked food, had a chat ect.
Then someone said where's xxx [driver]?

Oh dear - I'd walked off with the keys in my bag poor DH was still standing with the car in the car-park as the wouldn't lock and he wouldn't leave it unlocked.
He was a tad miffed rather than annoyed... it was about 15-20 mins.

Enjolrass · 03/11/2015 18:36

balloon one small difference. You were a small child woken up and over reacted.

The OP is an adult.

I don't think your story will make her feel much better

Gruntfuttock · 03/11/2015 18:37

Beautifully summed up Enjolrass

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