DP and I can't agree on whether DC should be vegetarians or omnivores.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

I am vegetarian and have been for 10+ years. For me it is an ethical decision. DP is an omnivore, he eats a mostly vegetarian diet at home as we eat together but he cooks/ buys himself meat a few times a week. That's fine, I don't expect anybody else to follow my ideals or think my decision is the only or 'correct' one.

We have two DC. 2yo DD is from my previous relationship (her biological father has no contact and DP is to all extents and purposes Daddy) and is vegetarian as she was weaned by me before DP took on a parenting role. DS is 4mo so not yet weaned but will be in a couple of months which is what prompted the conversation. DD is healthy and I have done a lot of research into providing a balanced, healthy vegetarian diet to toddlers as I never considered any other diet for her.

Both DP and I agree that once they are old enough to do so our DC should be free to make their own decisions regarding whether they want to eat meat or not. The problem is we have a different idea of what the 'default' should be until then.

I feel the DC should be fed a meat-free diet until/unless they start showing an interest in eating meat. DP thinks they should be given meat when he eats it until they start questioning why I don't eat it and then we should let them make a decision.

I guess I feel like I don't want to feed my DC a product I see as unethical without their consent. But I can see that to my DP, who feel eating meat is ethical and 'normal,' it seems like I am pushing my own morals on them. I guess the problem is I see eating meat as the abnormal and he sees not eating it as the abnormal - both of us want our children to eat a normal, healthy diet but we disagree as to what that means.

Is one of us being unreasonable? Is there an obvious compromise or will one of us have to back down? And is it obvious from the outside which of us should back down because we seem to have reached a stalemate.

[MummaV]

I'd let them eat meat a few times a week, prepared by DH until they are old enough to decide for themselves.

My cousin was raised by my aunt as a vegetarian, her first outing to town on her own (aged 12) she went into KFC and had some chicken. She was quite ill. However she continued to sneak meat when she was out of the house as her mum was militant about her not having meat. She is now a regular meat eater (aged 24) but still feels really guilty that she decived her mum and her wishes.

[SouthWestmom]

Surely raising children is also about raising them to understand morals and ethics? If I think eating meat and fish is unethical (and repulsive) why would I think one way for me and one for the DC? Dh is a meat eater, I am not and all of the DC have been raised vegetarian.
None of them (7 to 17) have shown an interest in eating meat, all of them are opposed to the idea. We don't really talk about it, it's just what we do. To be fair actually, dd does in terms of how her friends think it's unusual and she gets asked a lot about it.

[Salene]

I'm a vegetarian for 26 years my husband isn't our son eats meat

Personally I think the child should eat meat until old enough to decide for himself

[CultureSucksDownWords]

Why Salene? And can I ask why you're vegetarian?

[JamesBlonde1]

Well something's a bit odd Avacado when the husbands eat meat out of their home but don't within their home. What's that all about? Fair enough if the women are allergic to pork pies but assuming they're not.....?? ha know what I'd say to my DH if he turned to the other side (veggy).

[SuburbanRhonda]

I hadn't thought about the DC not being able to digest meat if they weren't introduced to it young either.

Is this really a thing? Can anyone link to the research because it actually sounds like bullshit to me, but I'm happy to be corrected.

Going very much against the grain here but I'm vegetarian, DH eats fish but not meat. DC have been vegetarian all their lives (now 17 and 20). DD is pretty much vegan now. They seem relatively undamaged by having my ethics forced on them

[Salene]

I don't eat meat as I was shown a video as a child in the 80's about the BSE crisis and the state of slaugher houses by my sister who is 10 years older than me

Although I properly never really understood it , suddenly i decided to become a veggie much to my mothers disgust

I'm a animal lover too and think it's a shame what they go through to be killed , I wish it was just human but we all see the leaked undercover videos that come out of slaughter houses and u hate seeing animals suffer.

I think a child should eat meat and why my 1 year old eats meat as we were designed to be meat eaters, also not to make them fussy , once old enough they can changed there mind

My sister raised her son as a veggie he is now 24 and the most fussy bugger I know with food

But he does eat chicken as he got to around 12 and said no mum I want meat and your not stopping me and that was the end of that for him being a strict veggie. He was teased at school for it he says too.

[Salene]

I tried a meat pizza in my early 20's as considered ditching my veggie ways , it was chicken, I was really sick from it yet my boyfriend at the time wasn't sick and he ate it too so it wasn't food poisoning I believe it was my body not knowing how to cope with meat , so subr I believe your body does struggle

I never tried again as being so sick out me right off .

[CultureSucksDownWords]

My 3.4 yr old is definitely not a fussy eater, and I don't think there's any connection whatsoever between being vegetarian and being a fussy eater.

Can I ask you why you think a child should eat meat? Humans need protein, which can come from a variety of sources, one of which is meat.

[bunique]

I grew up eating meat and stopped for the most part around 7 years ago. On the rare occasions I eat it now I feel bloated, sluggish and pretty grim afterwards. But my body is fully accustomed to digesting meat. Maybe meat just makes us feel like shit regardless?! Damn my mother's Sunday/Christmas dinners...

[Salene]

I should of added I do all the cooking in the house so I have to handle meat, hate it but needs must, if I served my husband a veggie dish that isn't macaroni cheese I think he would actually faint ha ha

I think kids should eat meat because it's the norm.

[Leavingsosoon]

I don't understand why anyone thinks a child should eat meat - a balanced diet yes but this doesn't have to be meat based!

[CultureSucksDownWords]

Ah well, Salene, I don't see the need to follow a norm if I don't agree with the ethics/morals behind that norm.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Do many people who eat meat actually have meat with every meal, every day?

I don't know any people who do.

[ObiWanCannoli]

We are a complicated family. I'm coeliac and allergic to dairy, we eat mostly pulses, grains and vegetable dishes at home and if we eat out as a family, as its easiest and I'm intolerant to meat. Eating lots of meat makes me feel really unwell.

I buy vegan clothes, shoes, cosmetics, household and houseware goods.

At home we eat a mostly vegan diet with sardines or mackerel occasionally on a Friday or more rarely a fish and chips as a treat. Sometimes we have an egg curry or omelette type dish. I eat eggs in bread and pastry as a gluten free diet is hard enough without adding extra exclusions. The kids drink milk and eat cheese, I'm also happy to let the kids eat of meat at parties and out of the house.

I usually describe myself as gluten free vegan as its easier for catering, often things with eggs have milk in too. things with fish is a bit iffy when eating out it can contain bacon or dairy or even gluten. So if I say I'm a coeliac vegan it makes everything easier, even though it's not quite true.

I think pinning down a diet description for most families is tricky. I have less of a problem with my kids eating fish than meat and dairy but I can't explain why, I guess it's because I know they make me ill and I want my kids to be healthy.

I think if you do introduce meat you have to be happy with what meat you introduce and agree as to when your kids eat it. In our house out with dad, birthdays and some school days are fine at home isn't except fish on Friday. Yeah as I said it's confusing.

[BogusCatAndTheFuzz]

I think what you suggested is the best option.

That way DC don't see any food as forbidden and will come to their own preferences.

OH was brought up by a (very religiously strict) vegan Mum, and a Dad who snuck them cheap crap every weekend.

He's retained a love of cheap crap that's probably 50% sawdust.

We didn't have an ethically stance, just a big family and parents who would only eat 'good' meat so veggie about 3 days a week.

We've ended up where he'll eat any old crap and doesn't appreciate good cuts of meat, and I'd prefer to go without than eat cheap meat...

[itsbetterthanabox]

Yanbu op. Vegetarian should be the default. If they choose to eat meat when older it's up to them. Think about it. It's perfectly healthy to be vegetarian and if you look back on past meat eating you see how wrong it is. No one is going to look back and be disgusted by vegetarianism.
I think just because something is the norm doesn't mean you should follow it. Many immoral things used to be the norm and now we see how wrong they are. This is the same. It won't be difficult for them at all and it won't be they can't digest meat when they are older that is completely made up.

[Unreasonablebetty]

I'm not sure if this has been said as this is quite a long thread,
But I went out for dinner with a friend and his new girlfriend a few months ago, she told me she was a vegetarian, where we got onto the subject of when she decided her diet wasn't as varied as she would have liked.
She explained, that if you don't eat something for (I believe she said) 6 years your body loses the enzymes to break down that particular food, and because she had never eaten meat, when she started trying to eat fish it would make her physically ill.
So she had to be very careful, and really work at getting these foods into her diet, but anything past fish was too far for her, as she almost gave up just getting to the point where she could eat fish.

That made me feel really sad. It really made me feel like maybe choosing to bring your children up to be vegetarians really isn't the right thing to do, because it's all about personal choice, but in allowing the ability for them to digest a certain food to disappear, and therefore taking away their choice to eat meat if they wish to do so seems so unfair
I can however understand that your beliefs are your own, maybe you can feed them whatever you usually would, but let their dad give them a few scraps of meat here and there, so they have the choice what to eat when they are older.

[itsbetterthanabox]

firstly that isn't true. You can still digest meat after not eating it for a while.
And also it's much more unfair to kill for pleasure than for a child to maybe have a tummy ache the first time they try eating the dead body which was killed for them

[Unreasonablebetty]

.... Then it doesn't sit on your conscience that you are feeding the children meat.
I'm very much for bringing up our children with the information to have strong beliefs, but also not putting them into a box where they end up being put into a situation where they have no choice.

[Unreasonablebetty]

Itsbetteronabox- is it really true that eating meat for the first time in your mid twenties won't make you Ill? I can't see why this educated, seemingly sane lady would need to have lied to me?

I didn't endorse killing animals for pleasure did I?? No I certainly did not, because it's not fair! For them to be eaten however I see somewhat differently... Even if I do feel guilty eating meat sometimes, and there are some animals I could never eat.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

Thank you everyone.

I guess I am struggling because I feel like if it's not good enough for me how can eating meat possibly be good enough for my children. I feel guilty at the thought of giving them dead flesh. I know most meat-eaters won't understand but giving meat to a baby or toddler just feels wrong.

I worry I will feed my children meat and then when they are older they will decide it is unethical and question why I, believing the food to be unethical, was still happy to give it to them. I know it's just as likely if I raised them veggie they might turn around and want to eat meat but somehow that doesn't feel like it would be so bad.

I guess it's just hard to stomach the idea of giving your baby something you feel is wrong. Imagine eating dog or cat (or rhino/ tiger/ chimpanzee - whichever meat you would draw the line at) and suddenly became legal and normal and and your DP was insisting on feeding it to your kids even though the thought of them eating it made you feel sick. I guess that's how I feel. I want to compromise but the more I think about having to do so the worse I feel. Maybe I am over thinking it or putting too much emotion behind the decision.

Anyway we didn't get to discuss it tonight as DP was home late and neither DC would settle but will try and discuss it tomorrow and see if we can reach an agreement.

[Iggi999]

It's a bit late for the OP now but I have only ever chosen men who were vegetarian to have relationships with, and I think if dh went back to eating meet it would irreparably damage the relationship. Both dcs are vegetarian, it is much easier to be on nowadays they are far from the only ones at school etc.

[BlackeyedSusan]

I would keep the children the same as each other. one meat eater and one vegetarian child is not going to work.

[BlackeyedSusan]

also you could say no red meat or no processed meat if you go for a compromise.