DP and I can't agree on whether DC should be vegetarians or omnivores.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

I am vegetarian and have been for 10+ years. For me it is an ethical decision. DP is an omnivore, he eats a mostly vegetarian diet at home as we eat together but he cooks/ buys himself meat a few times a week. That's fine, I don't expect anybody else to follow my ideals or think my decision is the only or 'correct' one.

We have two DC. 2yo DD is from my previous relationship (her biological father has no contact and DP is to all extents and purposes Daddy) and is vegetarian as she was weaned by me before DP took on a parenting role. DS is 4mo so not yet weaned but will be in a couple of months which is what prompted the conversation. DD is healthy and I have done a lot of research into providing a balanced, healthy vegetarian diet to toddlers as I never considered any other diet for her.

Both DP and I agree that once they are old enough to do so our DC should be free to make their own decisions regarding whether they want to eat meat or not. The problem is we have a different idea of what the 'default' should be until then.

I feel the DC should be fed a meat-free diet until/unless they start showing an interest in eating meat. DP thinks they should be given meat when he eats it until they start questioning why I don't eat it and then we should let them make a decision.

I guess I feel like I don't want to feed my DC a product I see as unethical without their consent. But I can see that to my DP, who feel eating meat is ethical and 'normal,' it seems like I am pushing my own morals on them. I guess the problem is I see eating meat as the abnormal and he sees not eating it as the abnormal - both of us want our children to eat a normal, healthy diet but we disagree as to what that means.

Is one of us being unreasonable? Is there an obvious compromise or will one of us have to back down? And is it obvious from the outside which of us should back down because we seem to have reached a stalemate.

[Mistigri]

I don't really understand why the parent who is preparing the meal can't make the decision. Unless you prepare 100% of the kids' meals in which case they will be veggie by default.

[RoganJosh]

I suppose it could be a bit restrictive for them in the future, at other people's houses etc.
I'd probably go for a middle ground of sometimes having very happy meat and some fish but also lots of vegetarian meals.

[bunique]

I'd suggest if you're cooking then no meat, if your DH is cooking then meat could be offered. Veggie house here although I have always said if my DD is at someone else's house and/or a birthday party and asks to try meat we wouldn't stop her. She does know where meat comes from though and so far hasn't shown any interest (age 4). If you are opposed to eating meat for ethical reasons, there is not going to be any such thing as "ethical" meat for you to buy/ prepare

[Luciferbox]

I am a vegetarian for the same reasons you state. As is my DM. I was raised with a healthy appreciation for meat and when I was 17 I became a vegetarian too (my DB1&2 didn't). DM informed me and let me choose, never pushed her ideas. Now I have DC I will do the same. Previously DH had a mostly vegetarian diet for financial and practical reasons but now we adapt our meals to make an alternative for me.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Perhaps try them both on different foods meat etc and let them decide. DD is probably a veggie by default if she's never eaten meat. With DS you can try him and see what he likes.

[catsrus]

my dc were all raised as vegetarian until they were old enough to understand that eating meat was eating an animal. All started eating meat once they went to school, two of them returned to a vegetarian diet in their 20's. Ironically their df and I both eventually started eating meat again.

I rarely eat meat/fish many weeks can go by when I don't touch it. I now tend to think that the mantra "eat real food, mainly plants" is the way to go - it's what I try to do. I don't freak out over eating meat if it's there - but I choose not to cook it as the norm.

[Seriouslyffs]

I like Grumpy's plan.
OP I'm not vegetarian, but when dd was a baby it was the height of the BSE scare and so I didn't feed her meat until she was a toddler, and then very carefully (not processed, lots of organic) She never really took to it and from 6-16 she was a pescatorian. I'm sure it slightly stunted her growth! Despite my best efforts to provide a balanced diet she's shorter than me (DH is 6') so for that reason alone I'd allow meat.

[Binxboosandme]

I was a vegetarian for nearly 20 years (have recently started to eat fish occasionally). My daughter however has been raised an omnivore. I feel it should be a personal choice and that she can only make an informed decision if she's experienced both. And I wanted to introduce meat early in life so that she didn't have any issues with texture/digestion etc. We have a mix of quorn/veggie meals but I do try to include meat/fish for her a few times a week.
We've talked a bit about where food comes from (she's 6, so she's noticed there are lots of foods I don't eat) and at this point in time she's happy to eat anything.

[VimFuego101]

If it were me I would allow them to eat meat. Does your DH plan to continue cooking his own meat while you make a veggie meal for everyone else? I imagine that would make them more curious about what he's eating than simply giving them a small amount of ethically sourced meat every so often.

[KinkyDorito]

We were the same - me meat free for 26 years, DH meat eating. I started off DS as vege, but found his protein was so limited as he would refuse many of the vege options so I've given him meat. He's only had bits here and there but it has helped for options.

I'm sure it's great if a DC will eat a full range of dairy, eggs, grains and pulses to be healthy.

[bunique]

Those who say they don't want to impose their choice upon a child - eating meat is also a choice, no?

[YakTriangle]

Let them try everything and they'll decide.

[KinkyDorito]

I also raised my older DD as vege. As soon as she got a sniff of meat at a party or school, she was straight for it! She doesn't have my ethics .

[claraschu]

There are so many ethical reasons to be vegetarian, and no health risks (if you do it well). I feel that your child should be able to understand the implications of what he is doing before he decides to eat meat, not brought up to think meat is "normal".

[MyNewBearTotoro]

Thank you. I guess it seems I am being the more unreasonable one. Not the answer I wanted at all and I feel kind of upset that the 'right' thing to do is offer the children meat but I appreciates that I may be being blinded by my own feelings towards the meat industry. I hadn't thought about the DC not being able to digest meat if they weren't introduced to it young either.

All the meat DP brings into the house is ethically sourced (he does eat the odd take-away burger or sausage roll which probably isn't but I dint think he'd be feeding the DC heavily processed meats) and he mostly cooks it as an extra to a vegetarian meal. He rarely eats meat-centric dishes as we cook for each other so meals are usually veggie.

Maybe the compromise is to dish up vegetarian meals to the DC as usual but when DP has meat on the side to have it available on the table for the DC to reach for/ serve themselves? I just don't like the idea of dishing meat up on the DC's plates and thus sort of making the decision that it should be part of their diet for them but if it's offered on the side I guess we can both reasonably be happy the DC are making their own choices? Even if they're not going to be at all informed whilst they're still little they are still being given the control.

I guess my other question then about DD who has always been vegetarian. I don't think DP would push the issue regarding giving DD meat but I don't want her to be treated differently to DS in terms of who makes the parenting decisions.

I feel sick at the thought of giving DD meat (my issue I know) but I don't want DP to feel I don't see him as an equal parent and as much her Daddy as he is DS's.

Would it be reasonable to just keep feeding DD veggie food and not offering her meat as we are doing now until DS is weaned and eating the same food as us? I don't want to be unreasonable about this but truthfully I am struggling with the idea that I am going to have to be the one to give in on this decision.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

Not RTFT, but we have the same set-up and went for omnivorous dc. We eat vegetarian at home, unless I'm not there, when dh will cook meat for the dc. They ate meat at school lunches when they had them and sometimes when we eat out.

Seeing as vegetarianism is a restriction to the diet, I think it's probably fairer not to impose that restriction on dc, but I wouldn't cook meat for anyone.

[kungfupannda]

I'm vegetarian, DP isn't. The DSs both eat meat. I think the default should be a diet including everything until they can make their own decision as to whether to cut out any given food group.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

I'm a carnivore DH non meat eater, both ds's were brought up non meat eating (had fish) at 12 one decided to eat meat the other has never had meat )unless by accident but he reckons never) and cooks veggie at Uni.

[OhBigHairyBollocks]

For me it would come down to who does the cooking for the DCs. If you are happy to cook meat then I would say omnivore until they can decide for themselves.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I think your children's right to have an unrestricted diet until they can choose for themselves trumps your ethics.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

so no in my opinion YANBU push for what you want. both my boys are ok if anything its the meat eater who has more minor illnesses as he is less likely to eat salad and veg whereas the other one incorporates a lot in his veggie meals. (not so much the takeaways that I suspect feature heavily at uni ) DH would never have fed them meat either and I was happy to go along with it.

[Leavingsosoon]

It would have to be vegetarian for me but then meat really is murder to me so I am biased.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

tbh I don't really see not eating meat as a restriction to diet. There are plenty of protein equivalents that are not meat, more fruit and veg is usually a part of a non meat eaters diet so I don't feel they ever missed out or were restricted in any way.

[Mehitabel6]

If you are cooking meat in your kitchen then I would let them try it.
They will decide later and at least they will know what they are deciding about.
Do BLW and then the baby will choose ( however my chief bugbear with BLW is that the mother chooses what is eaten and the baby had 'take it or leave it' like any other sort of weaning.)

[avocadoghost]

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I think you should have veggie as the default option.

But, that's because I'm having pretty much the same dilemma as you at the minute OP. DH is veggie, I'm not, and DD is a few weeks off us starting weaning.

Interestingly I don't think DH minds if she has meat - it's me who has the issue with it! (I think it's because I feel like I should be veggie too - I used to be and have been on and off the wagon quite dramatically over the years!)

The way I see it (and I haven't completely discussed this with DH, so he may not agree), I'd prefer for her not to eat meat until she's old enough to understand what it is and whether she wants to eat it. I'm not going to bullshit her or pile on the emotive side of things, but I think it's important for her to understand.

One of my exes was brought up veggie by his mum and he resented it so much; she was very strict and wouldn't allow him and his siblings to even try it. I don't think that's the right attitude to have, it was a real sore point.