DP and I can't agree on whether DC should be vegetarians or omnivores.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

I am vegetarian and have been for 10+ years. For me it is an ethical decision. DP is an omnivore, he eats a mostly vegetarian diet at home as we eat together but he cooks/ buys himself meat a few times a week. That's fine, I don't expect anybody else to follow my ideals or think my decision is the only or 'correct' one.

We have two DC. 2yo DD is from my previous relationship (her biological father has no contact and DP is to all extents and purposes Daddy) and is vegetarian as she was weaned by me before DP took on a parenting role. DS is 4mo so not yet weaned but will be in a couple of months which is what prompted the conversation. DD is healthy and I have done a lot of research into providing a balanced, healthy vegetarian diet to toddlers as I never considered any other diet for her.

Both DP and I agree that once they are old enough to do so our DC should be free to make their own decisions regarding whether they want to eat meat or not. The problem is we have a different idea of what the 'default' should be until then.

I feel the DC should be fed a meat-free diet until/unless they start showing an interest in eating meat. DP thinks they should be given meat when he eats it until they start questioning why I don't eat it and then we should let them make a decision.

I guess I feel like I don't want to feed my DC a product I see as unethical without their consent. But I can see that to my DP, who feel eating meat is ethical and 'normal,' it seems like I am pushing my own morals on them. I guess the problem is I see eating meat as the abnormal and he sees not eating it as the abnormal - both of us want our children to eat a normal, healthy diet but we disagree as to what that means.

Is one of us being unreasonable? Is there an obvious compromise or will one of us have to back down? And is it obvious from the outside which of us should back down because we seem to have reached a stalemate.

[BestZebbie]

No matter what you decide to do, I'd like to point out that your own feelings are valid, even if they aren't shared by (some, not all) of the posters on this thread so far or your husband - not because they are about meat but because they are your strongly held feelings. It isn't unreasonable to have a thought-out opinion or belief that is different to other peoples (though again, not different to everybodys) and stick with that. If the thought of doing something goes so far against your own moral code that you feel sick at the thought of it, then YA completely NBU to not want to do it or be peer-pressured into doing it!

(I would also feel repulsed at the thought of handing meat to a young child to eat, just as there are many other things that a proportion of adults do which I can accept as their adult lifestyle choices but would not be happy to impose on a young child).

[Girlfriend36]

I think YABU and you partner has the right idea. Your children may not like meat and may in time decide to be vegetarian but I don't think its your decision to make for them.

[Mama1980]

I am vegetarian, borderline vegan for ethical reasons, my 4 children have all eaten meat and been offered it, but I don't cook it. Which means they eat it at relatives or at restaurants. I don't feel it is my place to restrict their diet or choose for them. Simply because I am a single mum and therefore do all the cooking they eat a 99% vegetarian diet anyway.
Fwiw it's worth though my two eldest (18 and 7) are both vegetarian quite vehemently. My younger two can choose as they like when older.
I'm with your dh I'm afraid, you can't choose for them and he has as much right to feed them meat as you do not to cook or eat it.

[Kcat78]

I have been vegetarian for over 25 years and had this debate with meat eating OH for our now 8 year old DD. I refuse to handle meat and said that if OH wanted her to eat meat he would need to prepare it all and said that if she hadn't eaten any by the time she was 7 mth old then she would be veggie! She was therefore vegetarian but was always asking about wanting to try meat and I said she could make a decision aged 10. However, she became ill last year and lost loads of weight and I was willing to try anything to get her to eat so she ate some chicken. Turns out she has Type 1 diabetes and tbh it is easier with her eating meat as there are no carbs in a lot of it. I don't see what is wrong in starting veggie and giving them the choice later - it's like any decision with a child: as parents you make the best decision at the time and hen they are old enough they make their own life choices. As long as they are fed healthy choices a vegetarian diet is absolutely fine.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

It's not really about who is more reasonable. You strongly believe that being vegetarian is the right thing to do so you choose to raise your DC that way. I'm surprised you didn't discuss this before having a child.

[RiverTam]

We have the same set up only I'm the omnivore. DD has been veggie from birth. Our family meals are always veggie which I'm happy with. DD is now nearly 6 and is veggie by choice.

I decided on this as I wanted to kerp meals simply with one option. It had worked for us.

Personally if you are the one weaning and generally feeding then it's your choice. DH is pleased DD is veggie but he wouldn't have dreamt of enforcing this on me as I was the one at home with DD.

[Mehitabel6]

Or perhaps it is even simpler. If you are cooking do vegetarian but if DP is cooking he gets to serve them what he wants.
You are equal parents- both should be free to do it their way - 50/50.

[VenusInFauxFurs]

If you're a lacto-vegetarian rather than a strict vegan, you're also an omnivore.

I'm a vegetarian and a single mum. I brought my daughter up as a vegetarian although I was relaxed about stuff like gelatin. I don't eat anything with gelatin in but if someone gave her an Easter egg with non-veggie sweets inside, I'd let it go.

From my point of view, I did all the cooking when she was growing up. I wasn't going to cook meat. I've been veggie since I was fifteen, I've pretty much never cooked meat.

She drifted into meat eating as a teenager. I can't pretend I wasn't annoyed that she would go to KFC but eschew free-range ethical chicken round my parents' house.

She's nineteen now and at university. She's mostly vegetarian in her diet but will occasionally buy RSPCA approved ham and bacon.

Her veggie upbringing has definitely affected her. She can't deal with seafood AT ALL. But I don't feel bad that I didn't compromise my principles and feed her meat when she was little. I have few enough morals. Not being complicit in factory farming is important to me.

I have no problem with her eating meat now. If we go to a restaurant, she'll usually choose a veggie option. I'm all "You can order a non-veggie dish. I don't mind!"

I don't know what I would have done if I had been living with a non-veggie partner.

I think raising your kid as a vegetarian does have consequences. But often they're good. When dd started university, she was horrified that her new boyfriend bought non-free-range eggs. She has persuaded him to only buy free range.

[IoraRua]

Eating meat is normal, Clara. The majority of the popular do it. It is the norm.

Op I do feel for you on this one, I can see it is hard. I don't see why your dd shouldn't continue to eat veggie until ds is weaned.

I would offer them a little of it on the side.

For their sakes I do think the digestion issue is key - if they do decide to eat meat later (and they might, to rebel) at least they won't have those issues.

[IoraRua]

Population, not popular!

[Branleuse]

i think bring them up vegetarian if youre doing the majority of the cooking, or omni if he is.

My mum has been vegetarian for years and years and when I was a child she only ever cooked vegetarian food, but I was free to eat meat at school or elsewhere if I wanted

[AnimalsAreMyBestFriends]

I have been veggie for 35+ years. Dh is not.
We have 3 children who have all been raised veggie. We have never stopped them eating meat if it's been on offer, but they rejected it.
Eldest is 16, has tasted meat in the last year, but didn't like it, firmly veggie.
Middle is 13 - came home from school last year, announced "I'm not vegetarian any more - I had a chicken burger & it was delicious!" It took me a long time to come to terms with this (internally - never said anything negative to her about it.)
Youngest 9 - rejects all meat & has never tried it - totally veggie.

Even though dd is no longer veggie, she defaults to it by choice when we are eating out.

I think you go with what you are comfortable with - vegetarian is hardly restrictive these days. When dd was tiny, multiple allergies meant that she was vegan until she was 6, the dietitian commented that she found that vegetarian children often had a more balanced and healthy diet, because their parents put more thought into it.

[BertieBotts]

The thing is that there are ethical issues about other foods than meat. Like ethical vegans consider anything which has involved an animal in production to be unethical. Palm oil is a big one which is unethical and that's found in loads of things. Many artificial food additives are produced in questionable ways. If you are strictly vegetarian it takes sweets such as haribo off the table. (no pun intended). If you're concerned about giving them unethically produced food, there is a lot more to worry about than just meat.

Since the ethics are important to you I think I'd stick with ethically sourced meat and keep it as a minority so that they can clearly see that being totally veggie is a viable option. If they decide to be veggie when they are older, I'm sure they won't mind that you let them eat meat when younger - do you feel angry at your parents for letting you? I would imagine not.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

To be honest I struggle with people who insist they're vegetarian for ethical reasons but still consume eggs and dairy as if that industry doesn't have it's unethical practises.

[fruitlovingmonkey]

I would go with an omnivore diet but only small quantities of meat and only ethical. There are options in between meat lover and vegetarian and perhaps your dc will choose one of these in the future. I have a friend who only eats meat if he is sure it is ethical, so generally presents himself as vege at work/ restaurants/ other people's houses but does enjoy the occasional piece of meat.

[Scarydinosaurs]

Has your DD ever asked for your DP's meat?

[YouAndMeAreGoingToFallOut]

We will be in this position too (I'm currently pregnant with our first child). In our house, DH is the veggie. I don't eat much meat at home, but I do eat it occasionally and I usually have meat rather than veggie options in restaurants. We've agreed that when weaning time rolls around, we won't be raising the baby as a vegetarian, but realistically they probably are going to eat a lot of vegetarian food!

[Leavingsosoon]

I only eat eggs from my own chickens Alis and most other veggies I know are the same (free range) - re the dairy, I DO agree with you and don't eat much myself (have almond milk) but raising very young children on a vegan diet is, while not impossible, not within the realms of possibility for most of us.

You can only really do what you do. I have a couple of vegan friends who 'go' just vegetarian when staying with others for instance.

[ProfYaffle]

I was veggie for 25 years, I've been eating meat for the last 5 or so but when dd1 was born I was still veggie.

I always said that I wasn't prepared to cook or store meat so when I cooked, it was always veggie for all of us. However I didn't insist she was veggie when out of the house or if dh cooked. Not for any ethical reason but, as pp have said, it's more to keep things simple, it's hard enough cooking/planning etc for a family without different meals for everyone.

[hibbleddible]

I am all for raising dc vegetarian.

Omnivorous is only the default position in our culture, in many others it isn't.

A vegetarian diet has been proven to be healthier than an omnivorous diet, and need not be restrictive at all.

Feeding a child an omnivorous diet is also imposing a choice on them, so I believe that that argument is flawed.

I am a life long vegetarian, and am bring up my dc vegetarian. Dh is not veggie, and we that once the dc are old enough to make an informed decision, it is their choice.

Dd (5) has elected to be pescetarian.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Oh I meant more adults, Leaving, appreciate full vegan diets for very young children would be difficult/flipping expensive.

[missymayhemsmum]

OP, would you be more comfortable with it if the meat was produced more ethically/ sustainably? So a family diet which was mostly vegetarian with occasional fish, organically farmed dairy, and occasional grass fed, extensively reared lamb, for instance, but no factory farmed meat?

[wannabetennisplayer]

I remember my mum describing the first time my little brother realised that lambs (the cute living creatures that he saw in fields and at the petting farm) were the same thing as the lamb on his plate - and his natural, horrified reaction to that.

Vegetarian should be the default because there is no moral question with eating veggies etc (ie everyone eats them). Once a child understands what meat is and how it ends up on their plate, they can make a decision on whether they want to eat it.

[VeganCow]

How about: DS eats vegetarian when you prepare the meals, and has occasional meat if he's eating with DH? You need never buy or prepare meat.

I agree with this.

[MildVirago]

The idea that vegetarianism is odd and restrictive would be found very odd by millions of perfectly healthy Indians. I vote for bringing the children up vegetarian -leaving aside animal ethics, it's a better use of planetary resources, especially water - and let them decide when they're older. I have a lot of vegetarian friends whose offspring eventually experimented with meat, temporarily or permanently and have never come across one who was caused physical pain by eating meat - I think that's pretty unusual. What they do always remark on is how long meat takes to digest and difference in toilet patterns!

I have a healthy vegetarian three year old. DH and I are both long term vegetarians, and doing anything else never occurred to us. Friends who are in mixed veg/non veg couples usually compromise as a pp suggested by having the children eat small amounts of ethically produced meat.