DP and I can't agree on whether DC should be vegetarians or omnivores.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

I am vegetarian and have been for 10+ years. For me it is an ethical decision. DP is an omnivore, he eats a mostly vegetarian diet at home as we eat together but he cooks/ buys himself meat a few times a week. That's fine, I don't expect anybody else to follow my ideals or think my decision is the only or 'correct' one.

We have two DC. 2yo DD is from my previous relationship (her biological father has no contact and DP is to all extents and purposes Daddy) and is vegetarian as she was weaned by me before DP took on a parenting role. DS is 4mo so not yet weaned but will be in a couple of months which is what prompted the conversation. DD is healthy and I have done a lot of research into providing a balanced, healthy vegetarian diet to toddlers as I never considered any other diet for her.

Both DP and I agree that once they are old enough to do so our DC should be free to make their own decisions regarding whether they want to eat meat or not. The problem is we have a different idea of what the 'default' should be until then.

I feel the DC should be fed a meat-free diet until/unless they start showing an interest in eating meat. DP thinks they should be given meat when he eats it until they start questioning why I don't eat it and then we should let them make a decision.

I guess I feel like I don't want to feed my DC a product I see as unethical without their consent. But I can see that to my DP, who feel eating meat is ethical and 'normal,' it seems like I am pushing my own morals on them. I guess the problem is I see eating meat as the abnormal and he sees not eating it as the abnormal - both of us want our children to eat a normal, healthy diet but we disagree as to what that means.

Is one of us being unreasonable? Is there an obvious compromise or will one of us have to back down? And is it obvious from the outside which of us should back down because we seem to have reached a stalemate.

[Junosmum]

I'm an adult brought up by a vegetarian mother and omnivorous father. All 5 of us were brought up omnivorous, and chose to continue this was (my sister had a brief spell with vegetarianism). I'm glad I was brought up on meat. I was also brought up understanding exactly where it came from.

[hackmum]

gleam: "I thought it was wrong to impose my choices on the kids."

Everyone imposes their choices on the kids! If you make your children eat meat, you're imposing your choices on the kids.

See also: clothes, religion, school, bedtimes etc etc. When you're a parent, all you do is impose choices on your kids.

Obviously the OP is right. Bring them up vegetarian (which is both healthier and far less destructive of the planet) and let them choose to eat meat if they want when they're grown up.

[PlymouthMaid1]

My two girls never had meat growing up but had the occasional fish finger (mainly so that they could enjoy happy meals with their friends at parties). Now adults, one does eat chicken and steak sometimes (mainly influence of body building boyfriend) and the other no meat but sometimes fish. Both are healthy and with a good repertoire of veggie cooking skills which I think gives them a healthier diet than those brought up eating meat at ever meal. So, although I feel your pain at giving in to some meat, for peace at home I like the idea of meat maybe when OH cooks. As they get older you can tell them why you do not eat it and then they can choose.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

hack I don't think it is obvious the op is right, nor do plenty of other posters.

I think it would be different if both parents were vegetarian but they're not.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

I would feed them whatever you are eating at the the time, and not fret about it beyond that. You cannot have plenty of chats around the table about why daddy eats meat and mummy doesn't.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

to be honest I struggle with people who insist they're vegetarian for ethical reasons but still consume eggs and dairy as if that industry doesn't have it's unethical practises.

I agree and I was vegan up until I became pregnant with DS but it was affecting my health. Once I'm no longer ebf I will likely go back to being vegan but I don't think veganism is a good option for infants so isn't relevant here as I'm not considering a vegan diet for them.

Has your DD ever asked for DP's meat?
No but he doesn't eat it every meal and just dishes it up on the side of the main veggie meal so I don't think she's noticed yet. She is only 2.3 and still very focused on her own meal when we eat - she is a great eater, very unfussy.

Anyway thank you to everyone who has contributed - lots of food for thought! Interesting to hear from people who raised their kids veggie initially. I guess DP need to sit down and discuss this again properly and try and reach a decision we can both feel okay with.

[Boleh]

My DH is vegetarian and I am a very fussy meat eater - so only eat it rarely when i can get hold of ethically reared meat (and can be bothered to cook it just for myself). We have discussed this and agreed we would include meat in the diet of (hypothetical) children when they were weaned as DH who has been veggie since he was 10 gets quite ill if he accidentally eats something with even a small amount of meat in and another friend who was veggie since childhood and wanted to start eating meat also had a lot of pain until her digestive system adjusted. I think it would be easier for a child to cut it out later than add it in.

[Seriouslyffs]

It's a hard choice OP (I'm the poster who's dd didn't eat meat until she was a toddler and the not again from 6-16 ) on balance I'd prioritise ethics and nutrition. And I can't get my head round the idea that not feeding dcs meat is imposing on them anymore than feeding them it is!

[arianwen88]

I vote veggie too. DP and I are both veggie and our DC will be the same until they're old enough to choose for themselves. Both of us feel that our parents forced us to eat meat as children (both had veggie leanings from an early age) so our kids will be veggie as default at home. We would have much preferred it if our parents had raised us as veggies, however we don't get to choose our parents.

It doesn't concern me that I'm pushing my morals on my DC, we both feel as parents our job is to share our morals with our children whilst they're under our care.

Obviously when they're a bit older they may want to spend pocket money on hot dogs etc when out with friends but we will let them make their own choices when out and about once they understand what meat is.

In your situation I would argue that there's no harm in DS being given a veggie diet until he's a bit older. Ultimately there's no compromise to be had - he's either a meat eater or he isn't. It would also be easier if he was veggie as it saves you giving one veggie meal to DD and a meat one to DS (I would insist on DD being veggie until she's older in your shoes) which may also be a bit confusing for them both as they grow up.

I would find out your DP's specific concerns (is he concerned they'll be 'odd ones out', that it's unhealthy, that it's just 'weird' etc) and take it from there.

[CultureSucksDownWords]

I'm vegetarian (DP is not but eats vegetarian at home as I cook), and my DS is also vegetarian as a result. It's our home culture, which whilst it isn't the most common choice, it's hardly unusual in the UK these days.

Parents make many choices for their children, including choosing an appropriate diet. Excluding meat is not excluding a whole food group - protein is the food group, of which there are many non-meat sources. My DS is healthy, growing and tall for his age. He eats a wide and varied vegetarian diet. I don't eat meat for ethical reasons, so there's no way I would consider buying or cooking something that i consider unethical, nor would I want to give it to my DS.

OP if you're not comfortable buying or cooking meat, then don't. It's absolutely fine for your DC to be vegetarian.

[hibbleddible]

Op I'm sure you know this, but just to reassure you: a vegetarian diet is perfectly adequate, and children do very well on it.

Both myself and my brother grew up vegetarian, and were very rarely sick. We are both now tall and healthy adults.

Dd (5) was vegetarian until she recently opted to become pescetarian. She is extremely health and the height of a 7-8 year old, with a healthy slender build.

I just wanted to say this to counter those who believe that a vegetarian diet is somehow inadequate.

[exexpat]

A bit late to this, but I'm vegetarian, DH was omnivorous, and the DCs have been brought up pescetarian as a compromise. DH didn't cook, I won't cook meat but didn't mind bunging the odd fish finger/fish fillet in the oven. DCs are now tall, healthy teenagers, still pescetarian by choice.

[museumum]

Will you be using childcare? You could eat vegetarian at home but accept an omnivorous diet outside the house?

[Me624]

I've been vegetarian for 15 years, DH is not and doesn't eat veggie at home - I cook meat for him in the evenings if I'm cooking or sometimes we cook for ourselves. We are expecting DC1 and have decided that he will not be a vegetarian. When I am just cooking for me and DC I will cook veggie because that is easiest. If I am cooking for dh in the evenings then I will also cook meat for the DC.

Your DD is still very young OP and I think you will find once she goes to school and starts going to friends' houses etc she will try meat of her own accord. I knew 2 people (separate families) who were brought up veggie by their parents and they were both asking to try a bit of ham sandwich at primary school or going to McDonald's as teenagers. Whereas I was brought up eating meat by my parents (one veggie, one not) and decided of my own accord at 14 to become veggie.

[AyeAmarok]

I understand why you feel so upset about this, but I think the best thing to do is let your DP cook them meat if he's cooking, you just do veggie when you are.

Your views don't trump his.

[DancingDinosaur]

I raised both my kids veggie. When they were old enough to make a decision they did. Both tried meat, one decided to continue eating meat, the other doesn't define herself as a vegetarian, but she doesn't eat meat. No problems with digestion for the child who became a meat eater.

[DancingDinosaur]

Theres absolutely nothing wrong with a veggie diet, meat doesn't have to be the automatic default.

[Senpai]

It's easier to remove a food than introduce a new one. I went off red meat while dieting for my wedding for over a year. When I tried eating beef or pork again, I got super sick. It took a long time of just nibbling here or there to get my body used to it again.

So I'd make them omnivores and allow them to decide to abstain if they wish.

[Indantherene]

I've been vegetarian for my entire adult life and we had the same discussion. I was not prepared to cook meat and DH didn't want to be cook by default, so we brought up our 4 Dc vegetarian.

DC2 had health problems as a toddler and lost a lot of weight so we introduced fish. Made it easier for going out.

They are all in their 20s. The boys are all over 6 foot and DD is taller than me. Their growth has clearly not been stunted. DC1 and DC4 remain mainly vegetarian. DC2 and 3 went for burgers in a big way, which was a bit disappointing.

With the recent news about meat causing cancer I would be very reluctant to be introducing meat into a toddler's diet. It isn't vital for health and my DC don't seem to have suffered any ill effects eating meat in their teens after being brought up without.

My youngest is 8 and I suspect would/will be a meat-lover, but I will do with her as we did with the others. It is difficult to feed young DC what you wouldn't eat yourself.

[museumum]

"I think eating meat involves more of a 'decision' than not eating it."

This just isn't true. Vegetarianism is a special dietary requirement. Eating anything is not.
We didn't eat meat at home when I was a child but I was never "a vegetarian" so I ate whatever I was served outside the home.

[UnicornPooStillStinks]

I don't really see how you can be a vegetarian for ethical reasons tbh, vegan yes of course, but the dairy and leather industries are disgusting..

Anyhow..

We gave our kids everything. Since 10 months old DC1 has refused any and all meat. DC2 loves it and would eat it all day every day. Both refused diary from 12 months old and although offered at points just don't like it.

I think kids decide for themselves.

[UnicornPooStillStinks]

Oh should add to that DH and I are pescatarian for health reasons, and also eat no dairy.

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

You're a pair of parents, compromise is going to have to happen or it will come down to one of you assuming your views are more important which is horseshit.
Good luck.

[HippyPottyMouth]

We are a meat-free household, although DH eats fish. DD will be veggie until she can convince me that she understands what meat is and still wants to eat it. I'm not going to give her something I believe to be unethical, but if she wants to try it at Grandma's in a few years, so be it.