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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about his comment regarding sex with me?

28 replies

wecanbuthope · 01/11/2015 23:52

I've recently had sex for the first time with the man that I'm dating.

I've had no strings fun sex that means nothing to me before and I'll just go for it and not give a damn but when its someone I like (in a relationship or heading that way) I can be a little nervous during the first time.

He's coming over tomorrow and we were talking about sex and he said - do you have some lube because you were really tight last time.

He made a similar comment twice before too - about me being tight.

This has never been an issue for me ever before.

Now I just feel super self-conscious and down about it.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 01/11/2015 23:55

Surely the response to that is to turn it back on him to his foreplay?

Like a good in bed man doesn't need lube or something before you ditch him?

ghostyslovesheep · 01/11/2015 23:55

did you mean to post this in relationships?

Justawaterformeplease · 01/11/2015 23:57

He's a dick. Maybe he should be working on how to turn you on more instead of making you feel bad! I wouldn't see him again - if he's already making these negative comments at this point, it can only go downhill from here. How long have you been seeing him? Has he made any other negative comments?

BertieBotts · 01/11/2015 23:58

Confused Isn't that a compliment? Like the equivalent of saying to a bloke "I'm ever so sorry but I think you're a tiny bit too big"? :o

But anyway. Could you turn it back to him and "challenge" him to, er, get you more lubricated naturally before you start next time, if you get what I mean?

But that said - if it's early days and he's making you feel self conscious then I'd bin it, TBH. He's supposed to be making you feel giddy and confident right now, not nervous and down. I know what you mean about nerves but when it's directly related to something he's said - it's insensitive.

nickelbabe · 01/11/2015 23:59

Erm, yeeeeaaaahhhh.

If you were "tight" it's because he didn't perform well enough.
I fail to see how that's in any way your fault.

BertieBotts · 01/11/2015 23:59

Ha - interesting that my thought process pretty much exactly followed the other posts in the thread.

Original poster
wecanbuthope · 02/11/2015 00:04

Thanks, one guy I dated hadn't had sex since long term relationship had ended (4 months)

And I could tell he was nervous and yeah it didn't last very long at all and I could tell he was annoyed at himself.

There was no way in hell I would ever make him feel bad about it.

I just think if you make someone conscious about something related to sex its going to play on their mind even more.

I just hate that he's made me feel this way Sad

OP posts:
AdjustableWench · 02/11/2015 00:09

If he wants lube, why doesn't he just bring some?

BertieBotts · 02/11/2015 00:10

Ah, so he was feeling self conscious because he didn't last long so he decided to blame it on you and take a lazy solution rather than

  • Spending longer on foreplay so you are more naturally lubricated
  • Buying some of those numbing condoms to prolong his erection a bit
  • Bringing some lube himself and suggesting something sexy to do with it
  • Pacing himself
  • Just fucking googling "how to last longer" and trying some of the things he finds

He does not sound like a keeper. You're right, why does he get to make you self conscious? And really - he's complaining about something that most men apparently prefer, so please don't let this spoil things for you with somebody else :) Instead you can feel smug that your fanjo is obviously so perfectly toned and trim Grin

CatMilkMan · 02/11/2015 00:19

How dare he be honest about sex? The bastard.
Please, read more in to it and don't presume he was being genuine.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/11/2015 00:23

He's coming over tomorrow and we were talking about sex and he said - do you have some lube because you were really tight last time. Send him a Google Maps link to his nearest Boots. And bin him, he sounds annoying.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 02/11/2015 00:29

I'd have been more annoyed about him ASSUMING that sex would happen again anyway!

Why didn't he get some lube?

Asking you that is just crass and charmless.

Would be enough to put me right off.

SurlyCue · 02/11/2015 00:37

If a man had said that to me i'd have replied "you know what you need to do then" without even thinking it was an insult to me! I would just take it for what he said-that it wasnt as comfortable as it could have been, but that it wasnt necessarily my problem to solve. He had options a) bring lube himself b) get better at foreplay.

Viviennemary · 02/11/2015 00:50

I'd tell him to get lost and find somebody more to his satisfaction. How cheeky of him. Don't think I'd stand for this from a new partner. What a turn off.

RickRoll · 02/11/2015 01:33

he's a tosser, he tries to blame other people for his shittiness.

dump him.

kali110 · 02/11/2015 02:08

Same as bertie, i'd take it as a compliment

WaggleBee · 02/11/2015 04:48

Isn't a woman being tight seen as a good thing? I mean as a compliment in the same way someone says a man's dick is big.

Maybe he's just really shit at talking dirty and that's what he's doing?

I personally wouldn't take it as a criticism anyway. Either it's a clumsy compliment or it's just a fact.

WaggleBee · 02/11/2015 04:51

God that last bit came out wrong. I meant more what Surlycue said, I'd take it at face value rather than seeing it as an insult.

claraschu · 02/11/2015 04:59

I just can't believe someone would talk like this at this stage in the relationship- not very romantic.

BathshebaDarkstone · 02/11/2015 05:26

Yy everyone who says why can't he bring lube? Also, maybe it's a sword and sheath thing and you just don't fit each other.

BathtimeFunkster · 02/11/2015 05:43

No amount of lube would make it possible for me to have sex with a man so lacking in charm, tact, and sensitivity.

Yuck.

Bin.

DoreenLethal · 02/11/2015 06:20

He made you feel bad after the first time, dont let there be a second time.

ForalltheSaints · 02/11/2015 07:09

The directions to the nearest Boots is the politest response I can think of.

TeamScoutRifle · 02/11/2015 07:34

How is saying what he said a compliment when the way he said it is a complaint?
A compliment would have been 'wow you were awesome'.
I would have replied 'no need for lube as I won't be having sex with you again, bye'.

3sugarsplease · 02/11/2015 13:31

Tell him to google Aussie charm

Not exactly gentlemanly, but don't take offence, imagine if he referred you were the opposite... Blush

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