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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas guests

36 replies

Squiff85 · 01/11/2015 19:25

We have kids, my brother does not.

My Mum and Nan will be here Christmas day as usual, brother has decided he and his GF will visit us this year instead of in laws. Fine. We get on, but its not easy. They're quite stiff/dull.

Mum contributes to Christmas food, she tends to stay a few days and appreciates that she can join us.

AIBU to expect brother and his gf to also contribute/buy something towards their share? They'll be getting their dinner cooked for them plus there isn't any way we can go there next year and they can return the favour as their house is too small!

Thoughts ? What do you do when you go elsewhere for Christmas dinner?

OP posts:
janethegirl2 · 01/11/2015 19:28

Suggest they bring champagne for the toasts or port for afters.

Junosmum · 01/11/2015 19:31

Just say "it'd be lovely to have you, would mind bringing the pigs in blankets and bottle of wine/ champagne/ shloer" or whatever you think they could/ should bring. No need to make a big deal about it.

CruCru · 01/11/2015 19:46

Yes, it's okay to ask them to bring something.

DPotter · 01/11/2015 19:53

Don't wait for them to ask if they can bring anything - get in there now and be specific about what you want them to bring. And don't make it a 'nice to have' - make it a must have - like the Christmas pudding or wine and then tell your Mum so she can make sure he brings it or will be really cross with him on your behalf if he forgets..............

Fluffyears · 01/11/2015 19:55

I normally just say 'would you
Mind bringing drinks/dessert/whatever is needed?'

BlueMoonRising · 01/11/2015 20:02

Just say 'Great, the more the merrier! Mum's organising the .........., could you bring .......?

ShamelessBreadAddict · 01/11/2015 20:06

Yanbu - think it's absolutely fine to ask them to bring / contribute something.

Artandco · 01/11/2015 20:07

Yep I would just say they are welcome, and can they bring xyz all in one sentence. And desert and some wine would be good.

Bimblywibble · 01/11/2015 20:18

What they all said. And for next year, is there really no way you can squeeze into their house for one day? My parents refuse to come to us because of our 'tiny house' and tbh I find it quite insulting. We had quite a few people stay over after our housewarming at our old 1 bed flat and others in a nearby hotel, but my parents still refuse to come to our new, much bigger place just because it's smaller than theirs.

LaytexSales · 01/11/2015 20:19

Tbh I think you're being a bit meanConfused Unless there's form for scrounging or something? It Christmas dinner! Personally I like hosting things and really would not be of the mindset of thinking... when am I going to get this favour returned. Where is the payback.

Anyway, surely they are not going to come with hands hanging, at the v min they will bring a bottle or 2, surely? Most people in that situation would offer to bring a dessert and there is absolutely nothing wrong with suggesting. Just think it's not really in the spirit of Christmas to be put out about the extra cost of family member or two.

KoalaDownUnder · 01/11/2015 20:22

I agree with Laytex.

Bloody hell. This kind of thing is why I've stopped enjoying Christmas. So much pettiness over who brings what, and spends what, and having to make any effort for relatives for one day. Hmm

tassisssss · 01/11/2015 20:23

I would expect them to offer and be raging if they didn't!

If they offered I'd give them options of either bringing starter/dessert and/or drinks.

If they didn't offer I dunno if I'd be bold enough to ask.

If I was going elsewhere I would expect to contribute.

caravanista13 · 01/11/2015 20:27

Pretty mean spirited to resent giving hospitality because it's not likely to be returned. So much for the spirit of peace and goodwill.

AgentProvocateur · 01/11/2015 20:28

I agree with Laytex. Two extra people for one meal a year. Don't be so mean-spirited and prescriptive about it. It's your DC's uncle. I'm sure they're not going to turn up empty handed anyway.

Original poster
Squiff85 · 01/11/2015 20:28

In my defence, I would go there but they have never asked and I doubt they would.

And they have history of shirking out of paying for things, being petty over a bill etc!

Thanks for replies :)

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 01/11/2015 20:28

Cross-post with the mean-spirited comment!

Original poster
Squiff85 · 01/11/2015 20:29

They'll likely bring A bottle, then take home what is left. This is why I am considering asking for a contribution. Plus I didn't actually invite them, they just said they'd be with us this year!

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 01/11/2015 20:30

Does your db bring gifts for your whole family and you just get him and his gf pressies? Be wary of this imbalance. It's not fair.

Otherwise it's fine to ask him to bring e.g some booze or a dessert / cheeseboard selection . I probably wouldn't trust anyone with Christmas pud as id be sad if they forgot it and we all missed out !

Personally I would just welcome them and accept what they bring without stipulation.

Also Yy to the poster who said it's insulting to be neglected as hosts due to your 'tiny house'. I have a 4 bed largish semi with huge kitchen but am still treated like we aren't set up for large family gatherings because we don't have a huge house like the ILs!

Artandco · 01/11/2015 20:31

Also the 'two small' thing doesn't wash. We live in a one bed flat, with x2 children. We will have 6 extra for Christmas this year so 10 people in our flat. It will be fun!

ShamelessBreadAddict · 01/11/2015 20:32

I get what you mean Koala but I don't see it that way as, in my family, we all like to contribute at Christmas. It would feel weird if one couple didn't contribute - almost creating a divide. Also, if we all take one or two parts of the meal we can afford to spend more time and money on that part and no one person / couple is massively stressed. Works for us anyway.

Think these Christmas threads can get surprisingly controversial actually as everyone's idea of their perfect Christmas is so different.

KoalaDownUnder · 01/11/2015 20:37

We do exactly the same in my family, Shameless.

It's not that I don't think everyone should contribute. Of course they should. I just think that being angry and resentful if they don't is crazy.

wondersofyourbody · 01/11/2015 20:39

"..bring a bottle then take home what's left"!! Definitely tell them in an upbeat way that it's great they're coming, the more the merrier, many hands make light work etc and they can bring the Christmas pud w/brandy butter - and be in charge of cooking/heating it (if you want that) and a bottle too.

Ideally you shouldn't need to tell someone to bring something, but people who don't host often have absolutely NO IDEA the effort involved in things like this and if they're the sort to take the bottle home again, then I don't see the problem in NICELY getting them involved.

ChopOrNot · 01/11/2015 20:40

"Be lovely to have a houseful. Mum is bringing Z. Please bring X and Y. We are expecting people between a and b o'clock. Is that OK?" ....await confirmation..... "Fantastic. See you then."

Simple surely.

If he is a bit flaky make sure it is the cheese and not the turkey you have tasked him with.

DinosaursRoar · 01/11/2015 20:44

Asking them to bring a thing is fine - what about pudding or a cheese board?

Otherwise, if you are hosting, you are hosting - that means you buy the food, welcome them into your home and provide a great day. If you can't bring yourself to be a good host, then don't host.

ShamelessBreadAddict · 01/11/2015 20:45

Totally agree with you there Koala.

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