Christmas guests

[Squiff85]

We have kids, my brother does not.

My Mum and Nan will be here Christmas day as usual, brother has decided he and his GF will visit us this year instead of in laws. Fine. We get on, but its not easy. They're quite stiff/dull.

Mum contributes to Christmas food, she tends to stay a few days and appreciates that she can join us.

AIBU to expect brother and his gf to also contribute/buy something towards their share? They'll be getting their dinner cooked for them plus there isn't any way we can go there next year and they can return the favour as their house is too small!

Thoughts ? What do you do when you go elsewhere for Christmas dinner?

I would never turn up at anyone's home for a meal empty handed. It is just rude.

Visiting family at Christmas should entail bringing lots of nice things, in particular whatever you have asked the hostess she would like.

I wouldn't expect anyone to contribute financially unless they offered and then I usually say any specific drink they want and some nibbles, if they wish.

However, if the costs can't be covered by you I would suggest something that can be easily brought and the meal isn't dependent on - mince pies, ice cream, crackers ( the fun kind, not the eating!), etc. That way there's no possible cause for conflict.

But I'm a pretty laid back host and don't get stressed about making a larger than normal roast.

I'm surprised they haven't offered to bring something/contribute if they invited themselves! I'd offer if invited!

But I note you say they have history for this.

Therefore just a quick, mum is providing X,y,z, I'm going to be doing....., can you bring...... Please"

If I'm hosting, I don't actually want people to bring food. I plan the menu as I want. Don't want stuff that's been out the fridge for ages or other freaky contributions.

However extra alcohol or extras are always welcome. Crackers ( either sort) are also good.

For the last two years we've gone to my partner's mum's - I genuinely didn't even consider offering to bring part of the meal, but have brought champagne, chocolates, and gifts for her (and for DP's brother and his partner who were also guests). This year we're living hosting everyone and I'd expect people to bring a bottle/sweets/whatever like they would for any meal, but nothing more.

I agree with Jane, if we are hosting we cook what we want and plan the menu around that. I have never invited anyone to have lunch and asked them to bring something with them. I wouldn't expect to be asked to bring anything either if I was asked - I know you didn't ask btw.

You don't give to receive.

I agree, I don't think it's good manners to request people to bring certain items and equally I don't think it's good manners to turn up empty handed. If I were you I would carry on with hosting the menu and then see what (if anything) they bring.

Ah, well if they are inviting themselves and have form for this that does change things. I don't begrudge my guests their food in the slightest, but if I had people inviting themselves to me year on year, I think it's more than reasonable that I ask them to bring a couple of specific things.

In our family the one visiting asks what to bring, and the host says christmas pud please, or whatever. But we are not in thesituation of people inviting themselves over and not lifting a finger to help year on year.

Surely it depends on how everyone is managing financially? It might be a huge help for some people, if everyone shares the costs when there is going to be a large number of people present. It's easy to be generous when you are comfortably off, not so much when things are tight.

Just say 'Great, the more the merrier! Mum's organising the .........., could you bring .......?

Agreed doesn't have to be an issue, just ask. But be clear - ie can you bring 2 bottles of nice fizz, 2 bottles of red and enough to cheese for 6 people.

I always take alcohol to my sisters when she does Christmas.