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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just stop cooking for DP?

115 replies

BlueBananas · 30/10/2015 19:16

Me and "D"P are in the midst of day 2 of the same argument
Basically he came home last night and had a huge tantrum over his dinner, I'll try to summarise -
I'm due DC3 in 5 days time, we have a 6 year old and a 4 year old who are both currently on half term, we also have a very spoiled high maintenance dog
I am shattered and in a lot of pain
So Gordon Ramsay I have not been recently - shoot me!
DP is going on and on and on and on and on about how he's sick of going to work all day and "grafting his arse off" [he works in an office Hmm ] and coming home to "shitty freezer food" yet he doesn't ever do anything for himself - no offers to cook, no suggestions for things he would like to eat, not even at weekends, it's always just presumed I will do it - but then what I do isn't good enough!

So AIBU to tell him to go fuck himself and just stop bothering? Or is he really hard-done-by and long suffering with a lazy old bitch of a partner who dared to give him oven chips?

OP posts:
HackerFucker22 · 31/10/2015 07:33

My DP expressed slight disdain for something I cooked a while back (something he usually likes) and did he hasn't had a dinner cooked since.

I have a fussy 3 year old and am weaning DC2 so I don't have time for his shit. Sdy he seems to prefer microwave / oven crap over my food???

To be fair he does cook for us all a few times per week.

HackerFucker22 · 31/10/2015 07:40

I didn't have a hissy fit. I just calmly explained how rude I found it for him to moan about something I'd spent time and energy preparing. He'd done it sporadically before (nothing mean just a look when I'd served dinner or once he didn't eat a single bite of something) and I told him I wouldn't be cooking for him anymore. We either eat before he gets home or if he is cooking I eat with him. He'll be a SAHD soon and he'll do all the cooking then.

If I was 9 months pregnant he would have got his dinner over his head.

Notoedike · 31/10/2015 08:15

I wouldn't argue over something like this. I'd tell him I would be making no dinner for him until he was ready to sit down and calmly discuss what he could do to help.
Best of luck.

ShebaShimmyShake · 31/10/2015 08:31

Dung and bother, you consider abandoning the OP while pregnant - twice - for other women, and demanding she be his maidservant while heavily pregnant again to be a foible?

ILiveAtTheBeach · 31/10/2015 10:28

He sounds horrible! You shouldn't be cooking AT ALL, this close to giving birth. You must be so uncomfortable. He's not being kind to you at all. I do all the cooking in our house, but that's cos I work from home, so I am here to do it. When DH gets in, he gets an hour to relax and then his dinner is dished up. But I know for definite, that if I was to ring him right now (he's working a 9 hour shift today), and tell him I felt unwell and ask if he could cook dinner tonight, then his reply would be "of course and I'll try to get home a bit earlier". The meals you are cooking sound perfectly acceptable and I would cook those whether pregnant or not. I wouldn't cook for him anymore. Say you're too uncomfy to be doing it and ask him to step up. I'd have given him a slap by now.

villainousbroodmare · 31/10/2015 10:48

Bluebananas, you sound lovely. Overly forgiving, very kind, ready to see the best in that unbelieveable cunt anyone. You deserve a much happier life where you are appreciated and cherished, and your kids deserve a better example.

Flowers
NameChange30 · 31/10/2015 11:00

"Yes as in left me for another woman both times (different woman each time) ... Well we weren't living together the first time so no physical leaving to be done, but left me yes"

Shock OMFG. Where is your self respect, woman?!

coolaschmoola · 31/10/2015 11:07

Why do people feel the need to pile on and have a go at a heavily pregnant and therefore vulnerable woman? You may not agree with her choices but some of you are being as harsh as her dp with unhelpful, unsupportive and downright judgemental comments. It's appalling for her dp to speak to her like that but fine for posters on here? Some of you ought to be ashamed.

FlowersAndShit · 31/10/2015 11:09

coola Yes, that's right. Pregnant women are delicate little flowers who need special care and everyone has to be extra nice to them because they're hormonal. Get a grip.

coolaschmoola · 31/10/2015 11:09

AnotherEmma perhaps Blue's self respect has disappeared somewhere with your tact, compassion and diplomacy... Hmm

coolaschmoola · 31/10/2015 11:13

This reply has been deleted

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FlowersAndShit · 31/10/2015 11:14

Such a classy lady

NameChange30 · 31/10/2015 11:15

That's what I thought Flowers. Have reported.

lordStrange · 31/10/2015 11:31

Totally agree with coolas.

OP best wishes for you and baby. Flowers

expatinscotland · 31/10/2015 12:10

The saddest thing is that when children grow up with a relationship like this as an example, the cycle continues.

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