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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just stop cooking for DP?

115 replies

BlueBananas · 30/10/2015 19:16

Me and "D"P are in the midst of day 2 of the same argument
Basically he came home last night and had a huge tantrum over his dinner, I'll try to summarise -
I'm due DC3 in 5 days time, we have a 6 year old and a 4 year old who are both currently on half term, we also have a very spoiled high maintenance dog
I am shattered and in a lot of pain
So Gordon Ramsay I have not been recently - shoot me!
DP is going on and on and on and on and on about how he's sick of going to work all day and "grafting his arse off" [he works in an office Hmm ] and coming home to "shitty freezer food" yet he doesn't ever do anything for himself - no offers to cook, no suggestions for things he would like to eat, not even at weekends, it's always just presumed I will do it - but then what I do isn't good enough!

So AIBU to tell him to go fuck himself and just stop bothering? Or is he really hard-done-by and long suffering with a lazy old bitch of a partner who dared to give him oven chips?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueBananas · 30/10/2015 20:46

Fusion he would probably tell me that he knows how to make a spag Bol, it's easy and he could do it better than me tbh

Nanny he left me both other times I was pregnant so nothing...not helping the general opinion is it Blush digging myself into quite the hole now

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 30/10/2015 20:46

But you see ... it isnt your mess is it? Its the kids mess ....
DH took a bit of training in this department, and is now fairly relaxed about his kids mess ....
When baby arrives take to bed a few days of rest .. doctors orders and see what he serves up... either he`ll be great and take over, or shit and wont complain. Dont shop.either!

tictactoad · 30/10/2015 20:47

How has this got to day two?

He'd have been told as he was so obviously the most capable it was his job from now on the first time he dared squeak here.

RiverTam · 30/10/2015 20:47

He is being v rude about this. However, YABVU to sneer at his 'working his arse off' in an office. My DH just recently nearly had a damn heart attack working in an office (and only cycling 4 miles there and back).

lorelei9 · 30/10/2015 20:48

OP, he left you both other times? As in, upped and left?!

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 30/10/2015 20:49

Bloody hell. By that stage of pg dh was coming home, taking over with bedtime, tidying up and cooking dinner while I lay comatose on the sofa.

CocktailQueen · 30/10/2015 20:50

He left you both other times you were pregnant? Why? When did he come back?

Original poster
BlueBananas · 30/10/2015 20:50

Yes as in left me for another woman both times (different woman each time) ... Well we weren't living together the first time so no physical leaving to be done, but left me yes

OP posts:
LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 30/10/2015 20:50

Sorry just read your last post. He left you twice when you were pregnant? Shock

TheClacksAreDown · 30/10/2015 20:52

I'm sorry? He left you both times whilst you were pregnant with your first two and yet you went on to have a third with him?

What on earth were you thinking?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 30/10/2015 20:52

Wow what a peach you have Hmm

PantryofWhoGivesAFuck · 30/10/2015 20:53

Why are you with him?

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 20:56

He "grafts" all day does he Grin

Original poster
BlueBananas · 30/10/2015 20:58

Yeah it's not information I share very often, I'm quite aware that summarising like that makes me sound like a huge knobhead but obviously there are a lot of details and things happened and changes and conversations and begging and crying that I couldn't possibly right down into here
We've moved on from all that, it's not an issue anymore, we were apart for a long time, we've come back together now and are stronger than we have ever been and are trying to work out how this is really supposed to be and adjust to each other and living together and making our family work

Now fishfingers seem a bit irrelevant don't they? Kind of wishing I hadn't started this thread Blush

OP posts:
QueenArseClangers · 30/10/2015 21:04

Oh darling. You need to get rid. Would you be happy with your daughter's partner treating her like your husband treats you?
He's ground you down so much that you believe this relationship is normal. It's not.
My marriage, like many, is a partnership. Yours sounds like bonded servitude.
Put your feet up and plan for a future where you don't have to put up with this abusive shit Flowers

BabyGanoush · 30/10/2015 21:06

Why have yet another child with a shite man like this?

Why why why do women do it?!

TheClacksAreDown · 30/10/2015 21:07

If him doing fuck all around the house and whinging about them hot dinners prepared for him whilst you are mere days from giving birth is "as strong as we've ever been" then I'm afraid you have a skewed view one what a good relationship looks like.

PantryofWhoGivesAFuck · 30/10/2015 21:08

"stronger than we have ever been?"

:(

TalkinPease · 30/10/2015 21:10

Hi Honey, welcome home.
Kids and I had freezer food earlier, fix yourself whatever you fancy.
Night night.

Original poster
BlueBananas · 30/10/2015 21:10

Yes Clacks we still have issues I'm not in denial about that, you see a million threads on here every week about men not pulling their weight around the house so it's not that shocking is it

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 30/10/2015 21:13

When i was a SAHP with three under two DH came home brought me the paper and made me tea, id disappear to the bed room for half hour peace. Then we`d share baths and bed time, and then cook tea..... you need to raise your expectations.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 30/10/2015 21:14

Its not shocking, its miserable ...

Crazypetlady · 30/10/2015 21:14

It is shocking when he left you pregnant twice.He does not deserve to be acknowledged by you o.p never mind you cooking his meals.You need to realize your own worth he is being an utter bastard.
Flowersfor you.

Muckogy · 30/10/2015 21:20

for crying out loud.
this situation gets worse as i read on.

MorrisZapp · 30/10/2015 21:22

So he left you - twice - during previous pregnancies, but now he's being much nicer, ie coming home to his hugely pg partner and spouting abusive crap about 'shitty freezer food'.

Oh sweetheart.

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