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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

861 replies

Sequine · 29/10/2015 17:29

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

goodnightdarthvader1 · 29/10/2015 22:28

If you don't see how ridiculous you're being i don't know what more to say to help you realise how thick you're being.

Well done for saying what I was really trying really really hard to not say. Really.

lieselvontwat · 29/10/2015 22:28

Nobody cares what you advocate pinot.

pinotblush · 29/10/2015 22:28

We are not living in that society though are we? so im not sure why you even have to post that picture.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 29/10/2015 22:28

hairy Yup, including the gormless PA smiley face.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 29/10/2015 22:29

piper I think you offended pinot with all the boobage. She just wants to sit at her computer without seeing a load of breast, that's all.

pinotblush · 29/10/2015 22:30

I dont care whether you care or not either lies.

Debinaround · 29/10/2015 22:30

My 4 month old won't take a bottle so what do you want me to do? Sit in the toilet and feed him? Not leave the house until he's on solids? Let him cry with hunger?

PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 22:31

I find it awkward and something that should stay private. Id actually like to go to costa coffee, have my coffee and not have to see breasts, but then again that is purely just me.

But why is it private? And seeing as Diddly and Flowers wouldn't answer this - do you have similar issues with chests being on display and bikinis on the beach?

And when you go to Costa for a drink, a baby BFing is also having a drink, same as you. Remember that a baby is a person with rights as well. Except the difference is, they have no choice but to BF yet you have the power to turn your easily offended little head.

Not that it matters but pumping is hard work, and doesn't work for everyone. And women who take bottle of EBM out risk getting serious infections by skipping feeds. I was in hospital with mastitis, as are many women. But as long as you don't have to clutch your pearls, that's what really matters

goodnightdarthvader1 · 29/10/2015 22:31

Im not sure why you are asking me whether its sexual? thats odd.

OH MY GOD I JUST SAW THIS.

Have you even read what you've been writing, pinot? We're asking because you think breastfeeding should be private because it involves breasts.

pinotblush · 29/10/2015 22:32

doesnt rise.

i dont like to have tits out when im eating.

its a private thing and get a pump to take out in public.

PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 22:32

Im not mortified by eating in public at all.

Eh? But you said you were embarrassed by breastfeeding? Which is eating in public.

imwithspud · 29/10/2015 22:32

If breastfeeding is 'private' does that mean formula/bottle feeding is too? After all it's just a baby, having some milk. I don't see why that should be kept private. How odd.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 29/10/2015 22:32

So if my unrelated childminder gives my DC a bottle of expressed milk, that's not private and is totally fine. But if DC gets it direct from source, s/he has to feed discreetly so as to not damage the poor delicate feelings of anyone who might notice.

No I'm sorry, no matter how I try to get that into my head, I can't make it sound logical.

FlowersAndShit · 29/10/2015 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LaurieMarlow · 29/10/2015 22:33

I personally dont advocate feeding in public.

Well then you don't advocate BF Pinot - so let's be clear about that. Because otherwise you're only for BF on the condition of house arrest. Which is very far from acceptable.

Pumping is not possible for many mothers, not tolerated by many babies and doesnt deliver many of the most important benefits of BF. It's no kind of solution.

Goldmandra · 29/10/2015 22:33

We are not living in that society though are we? so im not sure why you even have to post that picture.

Our society needs to be more like the one in the picture. For the benefit of our future children, we need to stop sexualising breasts and making it hard for them to be used for their intended purpose.

The more pictures like this one you see, the better.

PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 22:33

Im not sure why you are asking me whether its sexual? thats odd.

Because I'm trying to figure out why youre against BFing in public. Because I can't think of a genuinely good reason why you would be. Why would you be repulsed by a non sexual body part? Now that is odd

goodnightdarthvader1 · 29/10/2015 22:34

pinot: its a private thing and get a pump to take out in public.

You are completely failing to explain WHY you think it should be private. It's because it involves breasts, right? Which you view as purely sexual, right? If not, enlighten us, do.

Mehitabel6 · 29/10/2015 22:34

I think it is your DH's problem so don't take it upon yourself- ignore.
You can't possibly restrict your life by feeding in private- just get the baby to fit in with you and feed when necessary. You are allowed to feed anywhere.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 29/10/2015 22:35

laurie good point, I forgot to mention that many babies won't take a bottle while breastfeeding. So that means that the baby would have to exclusively bottle feed, so the mothers couldn't even breastfeed in the "privacy" of their own homes.

SummerNights1986 · 29/10/2015 22:35

I have sat and watched no less than 3 of my friends breastfeed in the last 3 years. I have even helped, with my finger, one of those women break the "seal" that her child's mouth was causing on the nipple when she wanted to disengage

I'm indifferent about breastfeeding and have skipped most of the thread.

But, sorry, that is fucking weird. Why on Earth would you need to do that?

BondJayneBond · 29/10/2015 22:35

I don't feel awkward about being around breastfeeding women. I'm sure I'm not alone here.

Mehitabel6 · 29/10/2015 22:36

Of course it isn't private! It is completely natural to feed your baby. Furthermore it is allowed everywhere- don't let cafes, shops, trains etc tell you otherwise.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 29/10/2015 22:36

pinot, you have the option to eat at home instead of out in public, if you prefer. Then you can not invite any lactating women over and all will be fine.

lieselvontwat · 29/10/2015 22:36

Its not just me who doesn't care what you think though pinot. Huge numbers of people couldn't give less of a fuck about your irrelevance of an opinion.

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