to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

[Sequine]

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

You'll never see my buzzwams when you're eating your lunch, Pinot

Thank you Elle! beautiful pictures by the way.

People that call others trolls need theirs clamped by the way

What you are not realising though is that your standard of discreet BF is not very discreet and nor should it be. However just like you are accusing women of behaving indiscreetly in a manner quite frankly that I do not believe ever happens there are similarly others who level that accusation at you.

The idea that if a woman has a baby going through a nosey phase or with latching difficulties she is BF ostentatiously because her boob ends up on show is offensive and it is you levelling the ostentatious accusation out there. The notion that BF twins or 3 year olds is somehow wrong is offensive too.

The irony that you think feeding a hungry baby at a wedding is somehow worse than posting photos of a now well fed baby online is clearly contradictory. It makes it sound deliberately inflammatory tbh.

Elle if a person says "I support breastfeeding, but...[insert reason such as being discreet in public]" then they are not really supporting BF. In fact they're doing the opposite. That, and the fact you're so tenacious and strong in your beliefs that BF should be discreet, is why I referred to you as a staunch anti-BF.

Elle surely the perfect place to feed a child is in an eating establishment. and what do people being away from kids have to do with anything?
There's some real hypocrisy on this thread!

What on earth are you being so pious about? That post practically gave me a headache.

I said discretion I didnt say don't do it in public did I.

Why on earth is someone anti if they agree with discretion?

Bizarre, truly bizzarre!

My photos were posted to try and knock some bloody sense into the 'you're a troll!/a man!/anti-breastfeeding!' hysterics. I have made my point knowing that the posters who have come here to shriek their indignance at the notion of discrete breastfeeding would most certainly take no offence at the photos.

I'm out.

*discreet!

Ok, so to posters who believe BF in public should be discreet - I've asked on many occasion why they think that and have not been given an answer, so I thought I'd offer up options. I've been trying to think what could be so offensive and have narrowed it down to:

• the nipple. It must be the nipple that upsets people? But then, we see men's nipples every day - on beaches, in the summer, in various media, billboards, in programmes, films etc. And they look the same as women's nipples except hairier so it can't be the nipple that people are upset by. And anyway if we do see a BF mums nipple it's a split second then the baby's mouth is round it

• the breast itself ie the skin. But hang on - we also see this everyday, women show their cleavage, wear low cut tops, celebrities are always wearing revealing clothing etc (and there's nothing wrong at all with this), swimming pools, beaches. I don't see any movements to ask women to stop bearing their chests, so it can't be this either

• actually feeding a baby, ensuring its nourished. But I think very few very disturbed people would be in favour of starving a baby to death. And we know BF isn't a bad thing for babies so thy can't object to the method of feeding

• a baby being out in public in general - I kinda get this if you're an impatient person - they can be very loud and disruptive. But why only get frothy about BF babies, why not say FF babies should stay at home? So it can't be this either

• the thought of seeing a lactating breast? Having your meal interrupted by seeing a seeping nipple? Yeah I get that would be off putting - but anyone with half a brain would know that this can be avoided by not looking at the actual breast. So if this is the reason for wanting discretion, then it really is the person in questions fault for gawping at something which they know will put them off their dinner.

I'm out of ideas after that. So please people enlighten me - what is it? What's the offensive part of BF?

Why on earth is someone anti if they agree with discretion?

Because if a woman is new to breastfeeding, still getting to grips with latching on etc, perhaps to the extent that they really can't be discreet at all, is nervous about how to manage breastfeeding when out and about, worried that people may react negatively - then they might hear / read people banging on about "discretion", get the idea that breastfeeding in public may cause offence, and feel further discouraged from breastfeeding in public.

Given that it's not realistic for a mother to stay home until baby's weaned enough to manage an outing with solids rather than milk if they get hungry, a mother who feels unable to breastfeed in public for fear of causing offence may feel pressured into stopping breastfeeding before they or the baby is ready for it.

That's why insisting on discretion is anti-breastfeeding.

Was there shrieking Elle or are you simply using that term to be dismissive of others who don't share your view? I think people were surprised that a woman who BF would share views of a misogynistic anti BFers but it does take all sorts.

how is someone anti if they agree with discretion?

It's like anything pinot if someone say "I support X BUT" then they don't truly support that cause. Eg "I support gay rights but I don't want them to rub it in my face" is not being supportive, it's being truly damaging. Same with "I support breastfeeding but it should be discreet".
Saying it should be discreet implies it's indecent or sordid or something to be hidden away - which it is absolutely is not

Or even agreeing with discretion. They don't have to insist to be anti-breastfeeding.

I think the vast majority of women want to feed "discreetly" and do indeed breast feed "discreetly"

But babies are wriggly liitle things and sometimes more boob is exposed

And that should be fine, a flash isn't going to hurt anyone

Even though it has been pointed out that a few are not actually first time posters?
No, you didn't call people actual trolls as that would simply get more of your posts deleted.
Also that some posters have clearly stated they are not anti bf just think it should be discreet ( may not be my view but still).
I'm not surprised some people reacted they way they did after the abuse they had directed towards them.

Asking people to be discreet while breastfeeding implies that what they are doing is akin to other behaviours which society deems 'private' - namely behaviours which involve excretory functions of the body or sexual display.

Breastfeeding only began to be looked at like this in the UK when bottlefeeding became the norm and breastfeeding disappeared from public view.

Nothing good comes from hiding breastfeeding from public view. Nothing.

Read a few posts upthread kali which states reasons why insisting on discretion is anti-BF
I'm not having the he said she said argument anymore but not using swear words isn't an indication that someone has behaved well especially when Elle flowers and pinots posts have been horrendously insulting - to the point they said people made them feel sick for BF, implied they are perverts and said we're feminists teaching our daughters to be sluts but still want rights to BF in public

All these "discretion" arguments are irrelevant anyway - the law is on our side for a good reason and you'll have to all put your big girl pants on and face the fact that when you're out you may see a woman doing the entirely natural act of feeding her child, and you have no right to do anything about it. They are protected under the Equality Act - meaning acting anyone against them is displaying bigotry. So keep your bigoted thoughts to yourself

Not its not at all :/

Why on earth do things have to be so damn extreme?

Very bizarre.

I have seen women breastfeeding many many times. Not once have I seen much if any of an actual breast. Mostly, you see the back of a baby's head, unless you go over for a closer look!
I don't understand why there is all this arguing over discreet breastfeeding because I don't think any woman does it any other way whether it's intentional or not.

Feed your baby in public. Concentrate on your baby and don't bother what other people around you are thinking., including family members.
When I had my first baby, my mil was shocked I didn't go to another room, in my own house to breastfeed because she didn't think I should feed in front of my fil. I told her she was free to leave the room if she was uncomfortable. Fil was not bothered and stayed.
She didn't visit us again until I stopped breastfeeding!

Is this discrete enough for all the moaners?

I might consider breastfeeding 'discreetly' if the people telling me to do so could explain what it actually is. What counts as discreet? What counts as indiscreet? Surely if it's so important to you, it shouldn't take that much effort to explain what you mean by it?

But nope, all we get is ranting about women lobbing nipples around, waving breasts about, whipping baps out, etc etc insert anatomically improbable hyperbole here.

I mean, I may or may not be breastfeeding discreetly at the moment, but I have no way of knowing, so...

Piper you cannot take the moral high ground.
Your posts have been disgusting and abusive.
I know people who think bf is wrong, it's not the people who have commented on here and pinot especially did not deserve the abuse you gave her.
If i wanted bf advice i would never take advice from any of your posts.
You think your thoughts are right and everybody should agree with you.
Nobody will change opinions with your attitude.

I'll say it again just incase you didn't read it in any of my posts, i'm not against breast feeding.