to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

[Sequine]

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

Oh, and here I am breastfeeding my daughter last year. No bitterness, no baggage...just as much discretion as I could muster with enormo-norks

I would advise everyone to stop feeding the trolls.

For anyone who is confused, trolls are also people who run out of useful points to debate and start focusing on unimportant things, pouting and name calling, despite no one agreeing with them.

trolls are also people who run out of useful points to debate and start focusing on unimportant things, pouting and name calling..

Erm...so that would be you, then, calling other people trolls

elle

I dont see how gruntled is troll hunting

YANBU, and you are definitely entitled to BF your baby wherever you like, but clearly your DH is struggling with it, which is understandable frankly, if you're in the middle of costa with your boobs out and a baby struggling to latch on. As you and baby get the hang of BF you might consider clothing choices which enable you to feed baby without giving the entire room an eyeful, or even choosing which chair you sit in so you have a relatively private corner, if only to spare your DH's blushes. After all, you are occupied and concentrating on the baby, he is sitting there squirming with embarrassment noticing everyone else's reaction.
Totally agree that BF should be normalised in our culture so that nobody turns a hair if you are stripped to the waist, but in the meantime it's a courtesy not to cause the waiter to drop his tray.

And i find elles posts incredibly unpleasant

Obviously I'm completely aware that everyone is entiltled to their own opinion but her posts on many threads always seem to be delivered in a particularly uncharitable manner

MUMSNET POLICY: 'For those who don't know, a troll is someone who poses as someone else in order to stir up trouble, fulfil their own perverted agenda, or just for the hell of it.'

Name-changing is not trolling; thousands of mumsnetters post under a variety of usernames and for a variety of reasons. This is permitted as long as it is not for insidious reasons.

It is not on when a poster thinks she has spotted a name-change and then regales another thread about that poster's history and or opinions/posts across the boards.

I would call that person a troll-hunter. And in need of a life.

Really, Rufus? So you haven't seen my measured and caring responses on the Relationships board or in Pregnancy?

I am as entitled to become as irascible as anyone else has demonstrated on this thread.

Go and take your delicate sensibilities somewhere else...and stop Advanced Searching me, FFS.

Elle don't rise to the bait.
It shows from the amount of posts deted that certain people are just bullies.
They can't actually express an opinion only accuse people of being a troll and insult.
Im for bf but i hate it when a person on here bullies people for not agreeing with them. I was accused of being a troll earlier, even though i've been on here for few years!

elle

I haven't advance searched you , gruntlled reminded me of who you are i remember your posts on a number of threads

I don't look on pregnancy or relationships and at no point did i say that your posts are unpleasant on all threads

And I certainly don't have delicate sensibilities

Gotta, if you're partner told you that he didn't like you breastfeeding in public, would you seriously not interpret that as a statement that he doesn't want you to do it

If he said as you quoted, I would think he didn't like me doing it. Of course that means he doesn't want me to but he would have to tell me NOT to before it became an issue.
It would be his problem, not mine. He would have to take himself away from the situation.
I couldn't expect him to feel what I wanted him to feel any more than he could expect me not to breastfeed as I wished.

Elle those are beautiful pictures, I guess I just assumed someone who'd been through BF would support all aspects of it and not have such a staunch anti-BF view

seguine to bring this thread back to the OP.

So pleased to see you felt confident to come back on your thread and that you have felt your confidence boosted by the messages of support given here. Your baby is still very little so latching will be as you describe. As their mouth gets bigger and the latch stronger it will get easier. Not to say you will manage to be any more discreet mind, once they start trying to look around mid-feed or pulling up your top to get at them

I was accused of being a troll earlier, even though i've been on here for few years!

kali please dont make things up, I said my post wasn't directed at you, and I didn't call anyone a troll I said there were suspiciously a lot of first time posters.

As for the waiter dropping his tray comment - I imagine waiters are used to it and would rarely notice. People have some very odd perceptions of what BF in public looks like

" but in the meantime it's a courtesy not to cause the waiter to drop his tray."

No - just breastfeed in whatever way seems comfortable and natural to you. This will help desensitise your DH quite quickly. Then both of you can be happy and relaxed about breastfeeding.
Don't pander to people's cultural neurosis about harmless and reasonable behaviours like breastfeeding. It only works to sustain the neurosis.

Also kali there have been more deleted posts from anti-BF people than pro-BF people

I class "waiter dropping tray" in the same idiot category as "male shop assistant calls other employee over to sell female customer some tampons". Some morons shouldn't be let out of their bubble house.

Show on earth was pointing out ElleAndAitch's identity troll hunting?

How, not Show

As you say, Elle, name-changing is allowed on MN. Therefore pointing out that someone has name-changed cannot possibly amount to accusing them of being someone else, therefore it can't be troll hunting. After all, it's not as if your current name is that far away from your previous one, is it, so I assumed you were quite happy for the connection to be made.

It's not the connection being made that bothers me, more the '...and you really should seek her out hither and thither if you you think this is aggressive/forthright'. Why allude to a poster's previous threads demonstrating other opinions in entirely different topics? Why the need to paint a 'fuller' picture for the benefit of other readers? It's crass and as sneaky and damaging as troll-hunting.

This view that none of us are permitted to be impassioned, ever - or sarcastic, ever - or furious even is just another attempt by some inadequate posters to close other women down. I dont care if I come across in a manner that suggests I'm a man (although I believe that is a misogynistic judgement in itself); I am entitled to my opinion and I am also entitled to defend it - repeatedly if need be.

My opinion is that bf-ing is perfectly natural and to be encouraged but I also believe we should be discreet when the occasion calls for it. That is all I have ever attested.

With all due respect Elle how can you have the attitude you proport to have with women 'ostentatiously' BF and then post pictures of yourself BF that clearly show your breast and nipple on a public forum. That is blatant hypocrisy or else you have just been riling people up for your own amusement. Can you not see that the typical person who shares your views about discretion would not want to see the pictures of you BF and would consider those photos as you having your boobs on display. How can you not see that .

The pictures are beautiful btw.

Piper, where have I said I am a 'staunch anti-breastfeeder'? Where do I demonstrate that bf-ing is wrong? I have been clear in what I consider to be indiscreet breastfeeding and how I can perfectly well understand certain sections of society feeling discomfited by the more ostentatious among us.

Those photos of me breastfeeding? I wouldn't dream of sitting at the top table of a wedding like that, nor in a restaurant facing diners who have paid good money to eat out in a nice place probably away from their kids.

Yes, I thought about that, another before I posted them, but I'm sick to death of being closed down because I am a troll/a man/anti-breastfeeding on threads such as this one.

I guess I considered any resulting hypocrisy on my part to be worth it just to make this point.

I have no idea why there is so much venom about others saying discretion isnt ok.

Breastfeed all you like but I dont want to see tits when Im eating my lunch thank you very much.